spacing.

[Split Eight]

If the Earth were to ask its barren moon
for a serenade, I think I could compare it to you.
A pefect marriage in its distance. perfect, a vacuum.
I wish I could work out five stanzas. unheard, in that vacuum.
like burnt out. abandoned by words now. unnerved, and past due.

it feels like some company you only ever keep.

porch rockers, storm watchers, I'm refilling the flask.
we'll watch tail-ends of tempests keep tilling the grass-
lightning kissing Marblehead turning silica glass.

Revisit how nature could relinquish what was in her clutch
to what must be her most villanous sons. Kingdoms've come
until kingdoms undone by the cycling dew.
Inevitablly, as entropy, your time is consumed,
the brilliant heavens are cauterized as hydrogens fused.
It'll still you, intact.
As if you could try for a noose. Or fill an ark, and fly-
self-inset in carbonite, forests silhouetted martensite-
Earth's will and testament, unlistened, she witnessed
as she was disembarked of men who left the stars the sky.
and as her atmosphere warms, she's a guardian scorned,
bon voyage, au revoir, they're departing divorced.
pause in sentences formed, growing old in instants
with the blowing of units' shimmering taps.
it could freeze you with a shivering gasp.
journey centuries forth on a boat into black.

the oceans beckon from a second new world.
opened when the destination's vestige unfurls.
Reveille. the enervate descension to familiar form.
Terra Firma. the coup de grace, your fuselage is beautiful torn,
but what use is that when no one human is warm

[Pinot Grij]

http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=119472

[Split Eight]

Originally Posted by Pinot Grij

http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=119472

@Certain Serpent

[dead man]

thank you

[UnbornBuddha]

I meant to leave feedback. Anyhow, to put it simply I really enjoyed this. The wording, the rhyming, the ending is kind of chilling in a way. Splendid!

[e11even]

Wow. Very nice. Very deep piece. The tone was entrancing and I felt compelled to read. I liked this to say the least. Good work.

[Objective]

I enjoyed this quite a bit too, the ending was perfect and put a nice closure to it all.

Think I enjoyed this section the most when it comes to flow and so forth:
porch rockers, storm watchers, I'm refilling the flask.
we'll watch tail-ends of tempests keep tilling the grass-
lightning kissing Marblehead turning silica glass.
^ Really well crafted and great choice of words.

Dope shit as usual Dr Dog.

[Geno]

Was.good towards the middle f second verse. Had some flames in there

[Mr. J]

Very strong word usage from the Dr. here...your descriptive style is unmatched I feel
you have grown since the first time we have crossed paths my friend, you continue to grow
the vibe of this piece is like a trip into an allusion that we all seem to miss at times.
the poetic flow of this really brings a breath of fresh air as I continue perusing the halls where I rest my head
I apologize for my late praise due to other areas holding my attention...keep up the work bruh

porch rockers, storm watchers, I'm refilling the flask.
we'll watch tail-ends of tempests keep tilling the grass-
lightning kissing Marblehead turning silica glass.
^^^
dope shit