Vulgar vs Objective - OPEN FOR KOALAS

[Inno]

LGPA Season 2: Week IV

@Vulgar @Objective

Check ins: WednesdayMidnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)


Topic: Free week

goodluck!

[Vulgar]

CHECK.

[Objective]

Yes

[Objective]

My worst companion

Translucent relations allow moments to pass,
I'm waist deep in the grass for these omens are vast.
A structured psyche of brick buildings that crumble but last,
my face is set in stone for those tempted to ask.
I take heed in my craft and conscious but daft I bleed in this raft,
when I seeked comfort in words of wisdom Lucifer laughed.

With broken pride you stood up for what I believed in,
made purpose to grieving for the person that sees him.
The previous couplet is third perspective curses of freedom,
let's break the fourth wall to see what the author gets hurt and then flees from:

I know what I am and cuz of that I write words in rapid succession,
it's fun when you turn a mindstate to a product of depression.
And that's what this poem is - the dark underworld in search of a closure,
I keep my entities close, but my enemies closer.

[Vulgar]

maximum cadets
entering pier
please have your ID pulses on hand
(Prepare to insert for genetic verification)

Do have a disposition for earth science
and the small luxuries: a hard day's work
best friend bracelets or a bowl of hot soup
Beyond this checkpoint of barren glitz
and iron lane markers
You'll find a planet which means more
than a school project -
that was once the original point of reference
for humanoids, rhombus boys and star hooligans

dragoon ship cargo transferred
(even if you've got mandibles from an army additive
you still deserve a debt free education)
Logging in the following cadets:
ventriloquist: mike009
vacillating: Billy paradigm
torqued: Tavaris tailbridge
soldered: Henry houser
burdened: Finnegan speakathon
who - all up to their eyes in vaccines
will become acquainted with a set of species
like mosquitos, black mambas & bad screenplays

A field trip to planet Earth
(never has a return trip been so ironic
or, arguably, draconian)

[2tripple0]

Lol idk but I'm just gonna vote on this battle in hopes that because my opponent forgets and I am not trying to hoax the league o r whatever even if theres only so many battlers and were going into week four and five I'm really trying by this time so I could go on and on but I won't in a hope that we do this again so obvioysly people wonder why others agree with it

Anyways beyond that these two pieces were dope I wonder what the numbers say wow both of your shits were even in all aspects I think for myself and the stories were enchanting I'm unsure who deserves to decide since my reputation lol I don't know very interesting though I think it would be easier to leave it at that and give my vote to vulgar

Vote vulgar

[slech]

My worst companion

Translucent relations allow moments to pass,
I'm waist deep in the grass for these omens are vast.
A structured psyche of brick buildings that crumble but last,
my face is set in stone for those tempted to ask.
I take heed in my craft and conscious but daft I bleed in this raft,
when I seeked comfort in words of wisdom Lucifer laughed.

With broken pride you stood up for what I believed in,
made purpose to grieving for the person that sees him.
The previous couplet is third perspective curses of freedom,
let's break the fourth wall to see what the author gets hurt and then flees from:

I know what I am and cuz of that I write words in rapid succession,
it's fun when you turn a mindstate to a product of depression.
And that's what this poem is - the dark underworld in search of a closure,
I keep my entities close, but my enemies closer.
__________________


I like the first stanza. It was able to hook me right into the story, while not too crazy in its complexity. It was easy to read and understand. Another aspect was the overall concept and it's execution with the POV's. However, I felt like the second stanza could have been developed a bit better when it came down to transitioning the point of views. This is the only thing I would have worked on. the closer was good and it was executed with fine imagery.

vs

maximum cadets
entering pier
please have your ID pulses on hand
(Prepare to insert for genetic verification)

Do have a disposition for earth science
and the small luxuries: a hard day's work
best friend bracelets or a bowl of hot soup
Beyond this checkpoint of barren glitz
and iron lane markers
You'll find a planet which means more
than a school project -
that was once the original point of reference
for humanoids, rhombus boys and star hooligans

dragoon ship cargo transferred
(even if you've got mandibles from an army additive
you still deserve a debt free education)
Logging in the following cadets:
ventriloquist: mike009
vacillating: Billy paradigm
torqued: Tavaris tailbridge
soldered: Henry houser
burdened: Finnegan speakathon
who - all up to their eyes in vaccines
will become acquainted with a set of species
like mosquitos, black mambas & bad screenplays

A field trip to planet Earth
(never has a return trip been so ironic
or, arguably, draconian)



I love when someone takes creativty to another level, such as this sci fi ish concept. Vulgar came up with a very very creative piece. dissecting from every angle I would have done. You could have shortned the list of log ins or made it a bit simpler.ur imagery and concepts were original and entertaining, . however with so many ideas flying,s some wording could have been tweaker


overall writing skill here for both were SHARP, but the ones who leads and takes the win is the one who was able to paint a much bigger picture. overall its always going to come down to personal preference. both are dope writers...so its pretty tough to pick a winner. Now what gets my vote is, who's ever drew & holds my attention and intrest longer. objective had more of a serious side to it..but i just thought vulgar creativity out weighed that. so Vote @Vulgar

[Zen]

My votes gotta be short. Apologies to both.

Objective, your first section was decent. I didn't really enjoy the rhyming mid-sentence (grass/vast/craft/raft). You were at your best when you decided to say something and worry about the rhyme at the end. The second section I wasn't really feeling at all, but the closer was pretty good. The first section was easily the strongest despite my criticisms.

Vulgar, pretty fucking cool. I had to go back and reread it though because I went in expecting it to be like a usual verse, but this was not that. This was not something about rhyming or (in my opinion) having a "meaning". It seemed like you wanted to paint a scene, if that makes any sense, and you did. Pretty cool verse. Stay signed in, man.

V/ Vulgar

[Tre The ABC Darian]

My worst companion

Translucent relations allow moments to pass,
I'm waist deep in the grass for these omens are vast.
A structured psyche of brick buildings that crumble but last,
my face is set in stone for those tempted to ask.
I take heed in my craft and conscious but daft I bleed in this raft,
when I seeked comfort in words of wisdom Lucifer laughed.

With broken pride you stood up for what I believed in,
made purpose to grieving for the person that sees him.
The previous couplet is third perspective curses of freedom,
let's break the fourth wall to see what the author gets hurt and then flees from:

I know what I am and cuz of that I write words in rapid succession,
it's fun when you turn a mindstate to a product of depression.
And that's what this poem is - the dark underworld in search of a closure,
I keep my entities close, but my enemies closer.




.................................................. .................................................. ..............

maximum cadets
entering pier
please have your ID pulses on hand
(Prepare to insert for genetic verification)

Do have a disposition for earth science
and the small luxuries: a hard day's work
best friend bracelets or a bowl of hot soup
Beyond this checkpoint of barren glitz
and iron lane markers
You'll find a planet which means more
than a school project -
that was once the original point of reference
for humanoids, rhombus boys and star hooligans

dragoon ship cargo transferred
(even if you've got mandibles from an army additive
you still deserve a debt free education)
Logging in the following cadets:
ventriloquist: mike009
vacillating: Billy paradigm
torqued: Tavaris tailbridge
soldered: Henry houser
burdened: Finnegan speakathon
who - all up to their eyes in vaccines
will become acquainted with a set of spemaximum cadets
entering pier
please have your ID pulses on hand
(Prepare to insert for genetic verification)

Do have a disposition for earth science
and the small luxuries: a hard day's work
best friend bracelets or a bowl of hot soup
Beyond this checkpoint of barren glitz
and iron lane markers
You'll find a planet which means more
than a school project -
that was once the original point of reference
for humanoids, rhombus boys and star hooligans

dragoon ship cargo transferred
(even if you've got mandibles from an army additive
you still deserve a debt free education)
Logging in the following cadets:
ventriloquist: mike009
vacillating: Billy paradigm
torqued: Tavaris tailbridge
soldered: Henry houser
burdened: Finnegan speakathon
who - all up to their eyes in vaccines
will become acquainted with a set of species
like mosquitos, black mambas & bad screenplays

A field trip to planet Earth
(never has a return trip been so ironic
or, arguably, draconian) cies

A field trip to planet Earth
(never has a return trip been so ironic
or, arguably, draconian)


.................................................. ...........................


vulgur started out with a great idea but it fell flat ... with a lack of scriptural flow ... and a lack of wordplay

and those Obj had flow ...a couple of lines were forced ... and the imagry was lack luster


vote ... vul