Exis vs CopyPat - COPYPAT 4-0

[sral]

Topic:



30 days of night

"That cold ain't the weather, that's death approaching"
@Exis @CopyPat

[Exis]

Smh lol...I've never seen this shit.

[CopyPat]

haha seen it? I've never even heard of it..

Check.

[Exis]

Ayo

Welcome to Barrow, Alaska
where casualties happen amidst an annual disaster
the time is polar in climate
as winter now is the season
shit's about to get heated
for a little town and it's people
calculatin' the odds of survival
when one's surrounded by evil
you look at a loss with that Bible there,
like eye ballin' some stand alone Muslim guy whilst y'all in a crowded cathedral
you've a whole month without sunlight
seven hundred and twenty hours to breeze thru
in what's an otherwise dull life
I'm Marlow leadin' my creatures to where overpowerin' meets you
communications are down for the moment
so keep mouthin' amongst yourselves to a minimum
and continue cowerin' weaklings
always bow to your owner,
hope and pray that tomorrow brings everythin' alot fuckin' closer to over
the grotesque approaches,
literally makin' heads roll
playin' dodge ball
against domeless opponents
the reaper is closin' in
more than increasingly on most it seems
feel the presence of death
and go from being to ghost
believe
all that's left in the end
is only a path to where hopeless leads
like if a blind head led the deaf.

[CopyPat]

30: Days of Night


When I was just a little guy and barely measured much
October 31st my parents dressed me up
We went around the block with them carrying my stuff
And after 20 minutes it was apparent I was done
Sharing lots of fun with my friends and the neighbors
And getting into trouble as a seven or eighter
“Please take one” meant 11 or greater
And we each came home with some excellent flavors
Especially heinous like law an order
The more gruesome the better with the costume horror
Hella bundled up now with pocket warmers
Cause we stayin out real late to walk the corners
Dropped the orange bucket and swapped it
For a big ass pillow case to stuff it with chocolate
Humongously awesome with this load of candy bars
We stumbling often cause it throws our balance off!!
Older now we not into that trick or fuckin treatin
Get together with some buddies for a little fun this weekend
A little on the geek end, but we just gaming with pizza
Cause Halloween is gay and we don’t play that shit neither
18 and eager we attending monster mashes
Wearing tons of outfits but expecting lots of asses
Slutty shocking flashes, and just slutty this and slutty that
Slutty princess, slutty cat… supple tits and bubble ass!
A cup of whisky from the glass to get the evening started
Couple this with puff and pass, and get complete retarded
Text some peeps to party cause I don’t wanna be home
And fuck giving out candy in this economy yo
And I’m not to be told that I have to dress up, pal
Cause I’m thirty years old and Halloween’s dead now.

[UnbornBuddha]

Exis the way you align your thoughts seems fragmentary and makes it seem choppy at times. The material itself is simple but easy to read. Not much to say about it other than that. I think you should add more story, less platitudes of a narrative, be more creative.

Copy: Yours was also simple conceptually. Your flow was more rhythmic and consistent, essentially the theme is one of losing one's childlike side. I thought when you were closing in you could have made a point to it. It reads like a rendering of it just happens, without any positive or negative connotation. In some instances, this is fine, but here there was no moral for the reader to really grasp on at the end, you left it for them to decide, but doing so left a yearning for something more, and it would have complemented your humorous rendition.

Vote: Copypat

[asylum]

Eth – ayo, ill vote now. First things first: it’s okay to use more than ten syllables regularly. 17-19 is kinda pushing it but 10 average? You’re just screwing yourself over. More characters = more content. But I do like what you have here. until about mid way through I enjoy your rhymes and word choices. yet .. I’m not really sure where you went with this. You hit the intro scenery halfway decent and your tone was pretty good but now I’m just sitting here like why are heads rolling, what grotesque approach is being taken, who the fuck is playing dodgeball in the middle of all of this grotesque rolling head approach? Not much is happening here bro. no offense but you really need to develop your stories a bit more. Even as a straight topical this is kind of weak. I have no idea what was going on the entire time. I liked how you rhymed and your intro was sufficient. I feel like maybe this was a hostage situation gone bad. Not really sure. I hope to see more from you next season because I think you have potential.
Copypat – rhymes are good. Story flows smooth. Definitely know what’s going on here and there are no hiccups or questions to midpoint. I didn’t really get it until the end but I felt the progression nonetheless. I went from oh yeah I hear that was cool, yeah I kinda remember that. Yeah slutty cats are abundant lately, and I am having friends over on Halloween. Okay cool. You rhymed well and the flow was pretty good. Story development was ok. This was a good, solid, topical piece. You hit the Halloween theme well and the phrase excellent.

/v copypat – he gave a more cohesive piece. All together his execution was far superior to his opponents and this was a very easy decision for me.

[e11even]

exis- I liked the potential in the language here. You had a good set up with the minimalistic approach. This was stripped down so much that rhyming should have been effortless. You focused on the key detail of cold darkness, but couldn't really reel it in in a well-rhymed fashion. I think that was the only think I really had a gripe about. This:

"seven hundred and twenty hours to breeze thru
in what's an otherwise dull life
I'm Marlow leadin' my creatures to where overpowerin' meets you
communications are down for the moment
so keep mouthin' amongst yourselves to a minimum
and continue cowerin' weaklings"

was not quite where I believe you should have gone with this. However, good piece and a lot of potential. You set the scene well, now to bring it together.

copypat- this was very much on the down-to-earth practical side of things. I loved the easy to follow plot and buttery rhyming detailing that the protagonist kinda grew outta Halloween. I have to respect this from a realist approach even though the dreamer inside wanted more from a Halloween piece, but this was very good in especially the execution. Good job.

I liked both these verses, but one stood out in overall impact to me and MVGT CopyPat. Thanks for showing guys.

[EtH]

Why did Asylum say my name up there?

Exis, little bit scattered and all over the place. Touched on a lot of different themes but never really found a way to bring it together. At the end I was left thinking "What's coming? Who's Marlow? Is he the ruler of Barrow?". I just never really connected with any of it. Alaska is a great place for imagery and I feel you missed a trick with that too.

Copy, what a stupid and enjoyable verse haha. The age progression was dope for me. It shifted in quite a subtle way. The rhyming was really solid throughout as well, even if some of it was really slant I still felt it. Usually these "ghetto speak" verses are annoying but it worked here. Not gonna be your favourite verse of all time but worth the read.

Overall, I think one was the more fun to read so he takes it for me.

MVGT - CopyPat

[Exis]

Y'all are anal lol...nah good shit, I'll hit up what needs to be voted on tomorrow...'tis late here.

I'll get you next time Patrick...on a less homo topic no doubt ;)

[EtH]

Your mum's anal.

[Adonis]

Copy gets the flawless

4-0