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08-14-2013, 09:29 PM
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#1 |
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............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,934
Battle Record: 3-3
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Fight Night
http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=9990
http://www.netcees.co/showthread.php?t=7707 Yo, Let's be brutally honest... the youth have no clue of the truth it's elusive... while my movements abusive you've maneuvered unwanted... into a loser position, where your uselessness prospers via ruthless submission... on the way to where nothin' is, while I'm hailin' the mother ship... gettin' lifted and placed above your anus thru rugged shit... the bar is quick to be raised and your fuckin' majorly under it... let's spar with wit 'til we ache then numb the pain with another hit... I'll bust your face, Ima punch it in... until your brain doesn't function within the skull that I'm crushin' bitch... I'll rock you right now, I'll knock your lights out... with no hands on the fuckin' switch I can dim what is lime clown... my power is sumthin' kid... I'll lay you downwards you coward from the sound of my runnin' lips... then rape your mouth ground and pound in this bout for the fuck of it. |
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08-15-2013, 06:06 AM
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#2 |
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Mad fucking dangerous.
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 12,066
Battle Record: 40-19
Champed - AOWL Season 3
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This was a fun read. There wasn't a whole lot to it, and none of the lines grabbed me by the throat or anything. But I was able to read through it swiftly because you carried the rhymes well. I think you need to work on stressed and unstressed syllables a little, bettering the rhythm of your verse. There were times ("I'll knock your lights out ... dim what is line clown," etc.) where things could have been smoothed out even as the rhyme was technically solid. That's really an advanced-level concern, a testament to your already-prodigious skill. A little more wit with the violence also can take the edge off, but I got the impression you wanted this to be straight tough-talk.
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I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws. |
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08-15-2013, 06:23 AM
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#3 |
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...DA GAWD...
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2,355
Battle Record: 13-34
Rep Power: 5860413  |
the clear cut rhythm wason prose and it made the flow such a fluid read i could chop and screw the flow in either way and it would still come off with a vibe that one could nod with nah mean.... this wasnt the shit or the best but the fact you just posting for the fucks of it like an open mind is just proof that a hobby plays deep with a person nah mean... i also have seen you go deeper than this but the thoughts you put forth were intriguing and well on a path of just flexin' the mind really... props my dude
keep scribin
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WP Po'ethics  |
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08-16-2013, 01:23 AM
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#4 |
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Mic Check
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Calgary Alberta Canada
Posts: 708
Battle Record: 13-10
Rep Power: 3742225 |
hahaha so hard.
you usually drop the same typa shit... i do too. but its usually entertaining and it always has nice smooth flow. i don't really like the content to be honest cause its just so typical. i know I of all people shouldn't be saying that haha but yeah the whole killing u shit is way old, im sure u know that and it probly wasn't intended but its just what comes out when u write... same thing happens to me. anyways stay around. try to attempt something different. would be interesting
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My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete. |
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08-16-2013, 09:45 AM
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#5 |
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............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,934
Battle Record: 3-3
Rep Power: 0 |
Well fuck you too nigga lol.
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08-16-2013, 12:29 PM
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#6 |
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Mic Check
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Calgary Alberta Canada
Posts: 708
Battle Record: 13-10
Rep Power: 3742225 |
haha no i like it.. like i said its usually entertaining and smooth, and i always appreciate the WAY u put down verses so i will always read ur shit cause i dig how u do it. just nothing new here content wise is all, nobody cares how tough u are haha
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My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete. |
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08-20-2013, 01:57 AM
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#7 | |
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Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25
Accomplishments - OM HOF
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Rep Power: 49604320 |
Quote:
 I do, Master Splinter. More gun talk is always welcome a la Neighbor. ha This was a chill verse Ex, I actually felt the beginning more than the end. Once you start rhyming curse words I tend to feel you lose steam, lol. Just my observation. Keep working off the rust, my friend. |
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08-21-2013, 05:21 PM
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#8 |
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Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 70
Battle Record: 0-4
Rep Power: 37 |
like other said there some lack to the wow factor but overall a good verse. no overall theme besides a flex i'd guess but definatly hot multi's and good vocab to go with it.
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Look up to the sky to try n find god in the clouds Hopin when he looks down I dont get lost in the crowd |
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08-21-2013, 07:33 PM
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#9 |
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rhyme capsule.
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 2,150
Rep Power: 0 |
i like the energy you create with ur schemes. kinetic. lil forced, couple misses notwithstanding. thought that skull crushin' line was tough tho... yea. i don't mind this shit. premise was set in ur title and you just kinda ran with that. it was ayt.
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Linear Mode
