The Tale of Satan Spawn in a Game of Chess

[Nigma]

The Tale of Satan Spawn in a Game of Chess



"He possessed a power stronger
than the power of money, or terror,
or death - the invincible power to
command the love of man kind."

i sit atop the highest peaks. its scenic, you know.
lived the times when Egypt was still gleaming in gold
i seen the rise of hell and all the demons it holds
and i've seen Orions Belt utop the Giza Plateau

Who am I?

i'm the...
face of David when gazing into Goliath's eyes
survived and scribed into the tale that tells the rise of Christ
crumbled morale's. died that night. rule the world. despise my life
i'm a cloudless genie, proud to be me. to these people, i'm like a giant
a higher life devout of meaning; wisdom. i am life and science
a business minded pirate whose clients both aroused and screaming
my interests combine to chose a spokesman, it's my valued teacher
and i'm proud to lead such a sound regime, leave you tied to trees
confined to leashes like brides allegiance when vows are reading
the founding king of a thousand leagues leaving mountains leaning
too indecisive to pick a side so i bounce between them
dipped my mind in Egyptian science and light unleashes
feeling grim.. and with my scythe beside me i ride to Eden
slits for eyes, i'm cheeched, my horizons bleak with its cloudy features
glimpse, it hits my eyes through the hidden vines of a browning region
i see a sky of leaves from a dying tree that is out of seasons
its a crying plea for the deity in the skies existence
its a rivalry between day and night, between shade and light
it's the pain, the price, its the graves of Mayans whose minds predicted the fabled rise of reich's and their crimes committed
the sign addictions alive within them, the wisest whisper their valued secrets
its the mixing of life elixirs, a knifes incision to scalp its features
as if you take a schitzo's brain, misdirect confession thoughts of his
suppress his talking lips and dissecting his second consciousness
deflecting his lobbing fists and injecting his neck with a calming bliss
and when the end results are in, we're directing it at the populace

[Pharaohs Army]

the rhymes and phonetics in this are very good.
impressive assonance.
i like this kinda stuff so i'm glad you do it.

my criticism would be you started by asking who am i?-- seemed to be answering in a clever\rhymey way... but then it seems to veer off into a tangent (right around the part about the dying tree; you are describing 'things&concepts' rather than 'who you are' [i.m.o.]).. Which would be ok, but maybe skip a space and ask/answer another question?.. or jus skip a space

i didn't like "i'm cheeched".. hard to explain why.. I guess cuz even tho it rhymes well, it was corny, which, again would be ok except for the fact that the rest of the verse is like hard-hitting Lingo

[Nigma]

Appreciate the honest read and feed.

No show verse I wouldn't more getting more thoughts on

Uppin this one time