Week 8: Knucklehead vs. POET MiNDER - (POET wins)

Vulgar · 08-18-2015, 12:35 AM

LGPA Season 1: Week 8

@Knucklehead @POET MiNDER

Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)

Topic:

Choose your topic from the topic thread.

Good luck.

~RustyGunZ~ · 08-18-2015, 01:03 AM

The one about beggars and emperors

POET MiNDER · 08-18-2015, 02:52 AM

Full of doubt.
She's a friend of a friend.
A fake and shrewd hag.
Pull out a Winston and spark it.
Take a few drags.
I guess I should date some though.
It's a mess, I hate dumb shows.
But I'm here, so in I go.
She pulls the tickets out of her Coach purse.
What a basic hoe.
Such shit luck.
I'm the most cursed.
And I have to pay for the refreshments?!
Seven dollars for some water..
Nothing to eat. That'll go fine with my breath mints.
And the seats suck.
Getting cozy with a few tourist groups.
Can't even put my feet up.
Don't want to get too comfortable.
Might snore at the troupe.
The curtains open.
The hurtin' soaks in.
An opera about an opera.
Rather wash my eyes out with soap.
He sings, then she sings.
Then some thing brings a ring.
Then his face springs.. and it stings.
Talk about a blind date gone way wrong.
I'm tired of hearing song after song,
About a house of music holding a girl captive.
When I'm the one who's fucking trapped in,
A couple hours of shit I didn't want see.
Sure there was a break.
I spent the whole time in line to pee.
The second half and she still doesn't want you creature.
If I wanted a second half it wouldn't be in these bleachers.
SO WHY CAN'T I GO HOME.
Finally.
It's almost done.
Wish I was Erik.
Well, I gotta run.

Fuck, getting a taxi on Broadway is not much fun.

~RustyGunZ~ · 08-18-2015, 12:23 PM

uh so
@Vulgar can I use the one I wanted or do I have to match this?

Vulgar · 08-18-2015, 12:57 PM

Anything goes.

Inno · 08-22-2015, 08:43 AM

@Knucklehead

~RustyGunZ~ · 08-22-2015, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Innovator

@Knucklehead

Had to go to a shitty branch to assist in training yesterday from 6 to 2. Was a 2 hour drive so yeah didn't have time and tonight's date night so sorry brew :( I'll vote on everything though

Woke · 08-22-2015, 05:33 PM

Opera about an opera was comical to me given your concept. Didn't like the easy rhyme scheme of sing/bring/thing etc. That is a very novice end rhyme right there. I enjoyed this verse because it was light heart'd and effective in that sense. Again, nothing overly complex be it rhyme scheme or structure. Enjoyed the pace, you kept going to the next thing and with a sense of fluidity. The taxi line was very fitting and capped off a decent read. The line to pee line fit in cleverly too. All in all this was a fun read that kept my attention and didn't leave me anything to hate aside from that sing/wing/bling couplet. Enjoyed it brother.

2tripple0 · 08-23-2015, 01:12 PM

lol enjoyed this and related to it relatively.... sometimes I go to shows and the seats suck or the picture isn't very good definitely enjoyed the topic and the structure was really cool as well u dropped a dope piece about a horrible time definitely had some dope metas in there and you were totally on point throughout the piece... was digging this good drop mate

sral · 08-23-2015, 03:48 PM

This was illy in parts, loved the formatting, felt it added to the read and its conversational quality. Your writers voice was mostly on point and drove it forwards strongly, occasionally it felt a little less well done, "What a basic hoe" in particular just felt out of place for me, ton ally, you know? These are minor slights though in all honesty. I like you.

Write more!

Split Eight · 08-24-2015, 07:27 AM

Talk about a blind date gone way wrong.
I'm tired of hearing song after song,
About a house of music holding a girl captive.
When I'm the one who's fucking trapped in,

The second half and she still doesn't want you creature.
If I wanted a second half it wouldn't be in these bleachers.

lol'd at these parts

who's Erik?

08-18-2015, 12:35 AM	#1
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Week 8: Knucklehead vs. POET MiNDER - (POET wins) LGPA Season 1: Week 8 @Knucklehead @POET MiNDER Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time) Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time) Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time) Topic: Choose your topic from the topic thread. Good luck. Last edited by Inno; 08-22-2015 at 03:31 PM.

08-23-2015, 01:12 PM	#9
2tripple0 death warmed over Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Downstairs illstreet dam Posts: 2,564 Battle Record: 6-21 Rep Power: 0	lol enjoyed this and related to it relatively.... sometimes I go to shows and the seats suck or the picture isn't very good definitely enjoyed the topic and the structure was really cool as well u dropped a dope piece about a horrible time definitely had some dope metas in there and you were totally on point throughout the piece... was digging this good drop mate __________________ https://soundcloud.com/user-876573949/ https://soundcloud.com/user-634430314/

08-23-2015, 03:48 PM	#10
sral LARSLARSLARSLARSLARS Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: CRUMPETVILLE Posts: 8,605 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899395	This was illy in parts, loved the formatting, felt it added to the read and its conversational quality. Your writers voice was mostly on point and drove it forwards strongly, occasionally it felt a little less well done, "What a basic hoe" in particular just felt out of place for me, ton ally, you know? These are minor slights though in all honesty. I like you. Write more! __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season)

08-18-2015, 01:03 AM	#2
~RustyGunZ~ (ง'̀-'́)ง Join Date: Nov 2015 Posts: 15,843 Battle Record: 52-28 Accomplishments -50+ wins Champed -Summer Classic VIII -Netcees Battle League -BA Picture -BA TagTeam -Fight Night Cypher I -Fight Night XXXV -Key Grand Prix 2018 1/2 Rep Power: 85899406	The one about beggars and emperors

08-18-2015, 02:52 AM	#3
POET MiNDER ne jouent pas que Join Date: Aug 2015 Location: Tatooine, TX Posts: 26 Battle Record: 0-2 Rep Power: 0	Full of doubt. She's a friend of a friend. A fake and shrewd hag. Pull out a Winston and spark it. Take a few drags. I guess I should date some though. It's a mess, I hate dumb shows. But I'm here, so in I go. She pulls the tickets out of her Coach purse. What a basic hoe. Such shit luck. I'm the most cursed. And I have to pay for the refreshments?! Seven dollars for some water.. Nothing to eat. That'll go fine with my breath mints. And the seats suck. Getting cozy with a few tourist groups. Can't even put my feet up. Don't want to get too comfortable. Might snore at the troupe. The curtains open. The hurtin' soaks in. An opera about an opera. Rather wash my eyes out with soap. He sings, then she sings. Then some thing brings a ring. Then his face springs.. and it stings. Talk about a blind date gone way wrong. I'm tired of hearing song after song, About a house of music holding a girl captive. When I'm the one who's fucking trapped in, A couple hours of shit I didn't want see. Sure there was a break. I spent the whole time in line to pee. The second half and she still doesn't want you creature. If I wanted a second half it wouldn't be in these bleachers. SO WHY CAN'T I GO HOME. Finally. It's almost done. Wish I was Erik. Well, I gotta run. Fuck, getting a taxi on Broadway is not much fun.

08-18-2015, 12:23 PM	#4
~RustyGunZ~ (ง'̀-'́)ง Join Date: Nov 2015 Posts: 15,843 Battle Record: 52-28 Accomplishments -50+ wins Champed -Summer Classic VIII -Netcees Battle League -BA Picture -BA TagTeam -Fight Night Cypher I -Fight Night XXXV -Key Grand Prix 2018 1/2 Rep Power: 85899406	uh so @Vulgar can I use the one I wanted or do I have to match this?

08-18-2015, 12:57 PM	#5
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Anything goes.

08-22-2015, 08:43 AM	#6
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,024 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	@Knucklehead

08-22-2015, 05:33 PM	#8
Woke Senior Member Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 183 Battle Record: 6-4 Rep Power: 553418	Opera about an opera was comical to me given your concept. Didn't like the easy rhyme scheme of sing/bring/thing etc. That is a very novice end rhyme right there. I enjoyed this verse because it was light heart'd and effective in that sense. Again, nothing overly complex be it rhyme scheme or structure. Enjoyed the pace, you kept going to the next thing and with a sense of fluidity. The taxi line was very fitting and capped off a decent read. The line to pee line fit in cleverly too. All in all this was a fun read that kept my attention and didn't leave me anything to hate aside from that sing/wing/bling couplet. Enjoyed it brother.