Contenders Match: Ullr 3-0 vs. Innovator 2-1 [ULLR WINS 7-0]

Adonis · 08-07-2015, 06:50 PM

AOWL Season V, Week 2

SUMMARY OF RULES:

Verses are due
Monday at 11:59 p.m. Western / or Tuesday 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK
There are NO extensions.

Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words).

Votes are due Thursday at 11:59 p.m. Western / or Friday 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week.

All competitors must vote on THREE battles and post links/ references in the voting thread.

Full rules Here

http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=119848

TOPIC:

"V" for Vendetta

V: Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici.
V:[translates] By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.
Evey Hammond: That's about trying to cheat the devil, isn't it?
V: It is.

G/Luck @Ullr @Innovator

Inno · 08-07-2015, 11:47 PM

Bam

Ullr · 08-07-2015, 11:50 PM

Check, best of luck Innovator!

Ullr · 08-11-2015, 10:08 PM

"Strength Through Unity - Unity Through Faith"
so the statement was made - with it brainwashed the babes who were raised in the maze
the walls rife with thorns and they swiftly frayed, and were chained
and all who resisted were whisked away and erased.
Black bags and secrecy, a rift replacing the face
dared they speak against Suttler as he took his place at the reigns.

And thus, "England Prevails" the same as a ship with the wind in its sails
propeled by a lie, assuaging the course
thus they fell into binds with the raging divorce
of hatred and force, no refrain or remorse
only swing stories and fabrication maintaining with force.
An image of prosperity, reanimating a corpse.

There she stands, Evey Hammond -
Born anew, with wings afire; on a rain pelted Portico.
In flight, the lightning strikes lift her pain,
a singing choir, melting from her stain'd and ever sordid soul.
She prays for change, his blade became a flame that'd bored a hole.
Igniting with striking, he paid a morbid toll
but each swipe's fulgurous brightness paints a story told
inspiration's inundation makes the shore erode
so the seas of those oppressed'd reclaim the glory of old.

One must only look the Larkhill facility
to see the twisted evil that grew in darkness, fertility.
we seething'd resent the news, a virus spread impinging sent from centrifuge
with merely their intent the fuse that bore war in the streets into peace, an ascension to:

A vociferous vox populi, not enslaved in Fear and Propaganda
fills the void which he created and revealed how horrid was the cancer
that was born with every answer -
a state of censorship that to its core had been rancid and rotten.
A man may die, his hands may cease their plotting -
but lo, an idea feeds the lands "Hope" however bad it may have gotten.

Remember, Remember! The fifth of November!
A treasonous plot, from Gunpowder tauten -
I see no reason for the Martyrs who smiled at their slaught'r'ing
to ever be ignominized, shall they never be forgotten.

Inno · 08-11-2015, 10:41 PM

Vendetta

Blood soaked cobble stones,
the landscape dies under the pile of bones
Goverment clones, wolves in sheeps clothes
Chattering teeth against the grains of the empty fields
The air still, the walls stain from the many kills
Revolutionary souls lost between the translation
From paper to actual realization
Tamed rebels conquering acres of cages
House broken outcast's outlawed from the pages
History will forget them, loose them in the progression
Of the story being told
A classic case of misinterpreted information
And so the votes get sold
Politicians bathing in the blood of others
Battling their contritions while they pray on the martyrs
Currupted flags fly freely forcing followers
But
Where theres darkness there must be light
No matter how wrong theres always right
Hope lives in the dimmest of life
Between the pages rewritten they write
Revolution for the people never dies
It lies dormant until truth is the only lie
No government shall rule with out a fight
And if death is being sold, people will buy
Courage and heart, symptoms of hope
A desire to be free, the habit of a soul

Mr. J · 08-12-2015, 11:43 AM

And thus, "England Prevails" the same as a ship with the wind in its sails
propeled by a lie, assuaging the course
thus they fell into binds with the raging divorce
of hatred and force, no refrain or remorse
only swing stories and fabrication maintaining with force.
An image of prosperity, reanimating a corpse.

I enjoyed this section but hated how you used force twice
that's my only gripe with pieces a majority of the time
it seems like you really did your homework which is great
I love the movie, fan of the comics & there's a lot of angles to attack this at
you really molded into a well thought idea and made the piece shine I feel
I really don't know what else to say, I thought this was dope...

Revolutionary souls lost between the translation
From paper to actual realization
Tamed rebels conquering acres of cages
House broken outcast's outlawed from the pages
^^^
I thought this was cool, but towards the end I was really let down
from what I've seen from you lately you tend to say a lot by saying so little
this time around maybe the inspiration was lacking, or maybe you rushed to finish this verse?
I enjoy your take, but that opening just felt kind of off to me, maybe I'm looking to deep into it
but I felt like this is a step back from what you've shown you can do...
either way I enjoyed the quoted above...

v/Ullr, He came prepared, doing his research on his topic, as I should have
he brought stronger detail, and really used the characters and film to his advantage
it shows throughout the piece & makes it very enjoyable read.
as for Inno it seems like he's focused on other things at the moment to thoroughly write a verse this time around
which is fine, but I feel as it effected him in this battle, causing him to lose
although his opponent is a dope writer when he's on his shit. so this was still a cool battle
nice work fellas

Razah · 08-12-2015, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr. J

hated how you used force twice

Yup.

Besides that, I enjoyed the piece. There isn't really much to say. The topic was executed really well. As far as the technical part of the verse, besides little stuff I would be nitpicking, it was very solid.

Also, ignominized, not a word.

Inno, I really liked your verse. Your imagery is really dope, I think that's one of the best aspects of your writing. I think if you had done something different with the topic, or even if you had the same general idea as Ullr, you might have won this battle. With that being said,

vUllr

UnbornBuddha · 08-12-2015, 04:58 PM

Okay time to vote...

Ullr: First and foremost, your writing was very good, it's an honor to be competing with a man of your caliber. However, I do have an issue with something. I think the way you tackled the topic, while very thoughtfully, you basically still rehashed the story to me. While, you did it very concisely, I still felt you were repeating the details of the movie, and some parts of the script, to someone who knows that movie very well. You should have added to something, or manipulated the concept so as to make it more you and less Alan Moore. I mean, I think anyone here can take a movie's plot and reformat it into a rhyming story, thus what I feel you need to do is dig deeper so you approach topics less bluntly, That's what I feel you're missing, your own distinct insignia that when seen is clearly ULLR's writing.

Innovator: Your one of the most poetic individuals participating, in this league. Your images are very ethereal, at times, but sometimes very simple, very down to earth. Albeit, sometimes you take the cookie cutter approach to writing some sentences, and they end up being cliche statements that I feel you can transcend, so as to present something more original, which your fully capable of. Also, while you have rhyming down pat, like I said before, its not the most complex rhyming. While, nowadays that's not much of an issue for me, I do like the art of rhyming and all its advanced schemes and whatnot. So, when you are confronted with someone, like ULLR, that is going to be taken account for. And, what always helps you is your ethereal creativity, where you connect interesting topics together. Here you said some very novice things, truisms, such as "Where theres darkness there must be light, No matter how wrong theres always right"..... But, you still had some interesting, especially the beginning, but somewhere the line, you rushed it.

Thanks for the read both of you.

Vote: ULLR

Split Eight · 08-13-2015, 05:12 AM

I had Ullr. Totally killed that story, went in depth & truly pulled out all the stops. I liked what Innovator was getting at, but feel like Ullr hit on those things too & really brought more to the table. Sorry for the brief vote, just feel as if Ullr's verse was more fulfilling and complete

PancakeBrah · 08-13-2015, 07:08 PM

Quick vote. Ullr really ran with this, writing wise. Approach was solid if unspectacular, but the execution made this. The first half of the third "stanza" was dope. Good writing for the most part. Innovator can do better than this showing; it felt a bit flat and uninspired. I have Ullr.

sral · 08-13-2015, 07:13 PM

Ullr took it with relative ease. Not his best showing, or Inno's here, either.

I love the topic, too.

This was a one-sided affair though. Ullr in every category I can think of.

It's late here or i'd break it down more.

Vote - Ullr

Nigma · 08-13-2015, 07:42 PM

Ullr really brought it. Particular and vivid word choice and presented summary in a way that is enjoyable even to those who have seen the movie many times.

Inno, not the best showing especially after reading your opponents verse first. Same conceptual angle, just more abstract, and without the flash and level of mechanics.

Just a quick vote here but Ullr takes this one with ease

08-07-2015, 06:50 PM	#1
Adonis Tsk Tsk Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Beer Goggles Posts: 4,834 Battle Record: 36-34 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - NFL Pick'em 2016-17 Rep Power: 9946449	Contenders Match: Ullr 3-0 vs. Innovator 2-1 [ULLR WINS 7-0] AOWL Season V, Week 2 SUMMARY OF RULES: Verses are due Monday at 11:59 p.m. Western / or Tuesday 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK There are NO extensions. Verses MUST be a minimum 10 lines or a maximum of 48 lines (or 650 words). Votes are due Thursday at 11:59 p.m. Western / or Friday 2:59 Am Eastern / 7:59AM UK. Failure to vote will result in automatic sign out for the next week. All competitors must vote on THREE battles and post links/ references in the voting thread. Full rules Here http://www.netcees.org/showthread.php?t=119848 TOPIC: "V" for Vendetta V: Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici. V:[translates] By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe. Evey Hammond: That's about trying to cheat the devil, isn't it? V: It is. G/Luck @Ullr @Innovator __________________ I'm tryna fuck like A-don-is TUPAC SHAKUR Last edited by Adonis; 08-13-2015 at 11:19 PM.

08-07-2015, 11:50 PM	#3
Ullr Norse God Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 221 Battle Record: 5-6 Rep Power: 0	Check, best of luck Innovator! __________________

08-11-2015, 10:08 PM	#4
Ullr Norse God Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 221 Battle Record: 5-6 Rep Power: 0	"Strength Through Unity - Unity Through Faith" so the statement was made - with it brainwashed the babes who were raised in the maze the walls rife with thorns and they swiftly frayed, and were chained and all who resisted were whisked away and erased. Black bags and secrecy, a rift replacing the face dared they speak against Suttler as he took his place at the reigns. And thus, "England Prevails" the same as a ship with the wind in its sails propeled by a lie, assuaging the course thus they fell into binds with the raging divorce of hatred and force, no refrain or remorse only swing stories and fabrication maintaining with force. An image of prosperity, reanimating a corpse. There she stands, Evey Hammond - Born anew, with wings afire; on a rain pelted Portico. In flight, the lightning strikes lift her pain, a singing choir, melting from her stain'd and ever sordid soul. She prays for change, his blade became a flame that'd bored a hole. Igniting with striking, he paid a morbid toll but each swipe's fulgurous brightness paints a story told inspiration's inundation makes the shore erode so the seas of those oppressed'd reclaim the glory of old. One must only look the Larkhill facility to see the twisted evil that grew in darkness, fertility. we seething'd resent the news, a virus spread impinging sent from centrifuge with merely their intent the fuse that bore war in the streets into peace, an ascension to: A vociferous vox populi, not enslaved in Fear and Propaganda fills the void which he created and revealed how horrid was the cancer that was born with every answer - a state of censorship that to its core had been rancid and rotten. A man may die, his hands may cease their plotting - but lo, an idea feeds the lands "Hope" however bad it may have gotten. Remember, Remember! The fifth of November! A treasonous plot, from Gunpowder tauten - I see no reason for the Martyrs who smiled at their slaught'r'ing to ever be ignominized, shall they never be forgotten. __________________ Last edited by Ullr; 08-11-2015 at 10:52 PM.

08-12-2015, 11:43 AM	#6
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	And thus, "England Prevails" the same as a ship with the wind in its sails propeled by a lie, assuaging the course thus they fell into binds with the raging divorce of hatred and force, no refrain or remorse only swing stories and fabrication maintaining with force. An image of prosperity, reanimating a corpse. I enjoyed this section but hated how you used force twice that's my only gripe with pieces a majority of the time it seems like you really did your homework which is great I love the movie, fan of the comics & there's a lot of angles to attack this at you really molded into a well thought idea and made the piece shine I feel I really don't know what else to say, I thought this was dope... Revolutionary souls lost between the translation From paper to actual realization Tamed rebels conquering acres of cages House broken outcast's outlawed from the pages ^^^ I thought this was cool, but towards the end I was really let down from what I've seen from you lately you tend to say a lot by saying so little this time around maybe the inspiration was lacking, or maybe you rushed to finish this verse? I enjoy your take, but that opening just felt kind of off to me, maybe I'm looking to deep into it but I felt like this is a step back from what you've shown you can do... either way I enjoyed the quoted above... v/Ullr, He came prepared, doing his research on his topic, as I should have he brought stronger detail, and really used the characters and film to his advantage it shows throughout the piece & makes it very enjoyable read. as for Inno it seems like he's focused on other things at the moment to thoroughly write a verse this time around which is fine, but I feel as it effected him in this battle, causing him to lose although his opponent is a dope writer when he's on his shit. so this was still a cool battle nice work fellas __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

08-13-2015, 07:08 PM	#10
PancakeBrah SOBER Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 12,480 Battle Record: 2-5 Champed - AOWL Season 2 Rep Power: 85899407	Quick vote. Ullr really ran with this, writing wise. Approach was solid if unspectacular, but the execution made this. The first half of the third "stanza" was dope. Good writing for the most part. Innovator can do better than this showing; it felt a bit flat and uninspired. I have Ullr. __________________ Netcees 2025 Revivalist Movement Founder

08-07-2015, 11:47 PM	#2
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,025 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	Bam

08-11-2015, 10:41 PM	#5
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,025 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	Vendetta Blood soaked cobble stones, the landscape dies under the pile of bones Goverment clones, wolves in sheeps clothes Chattering teeth against the grains of the empty fields The air still, the walls stain from the many kills Revolutionary souls lost between the translation From paper to actual realization Tamed rebels conquering acres of cages House broken outcast's outlawed from the pages History will forget them, loose them in the progression Of the story being told A classic case of misinterpreted information And so the votes get sold Politicians bathing in the blood of others Battling their contritions while they pray on the martyrs Currupted flags fly freely forcing followers But Where theres darkness there must be light No matter how wrong theres always right Hope lives in the dimmest of life Between the pages rewritten they write Revolution for the people never dies It lies dormant until truth is the only lie No government shall rule with out a fight And if death is being sold, people will buy Courage and heart, symptoms of hope A desire to be free, the habit of a soul

08-12-2015, 04:58 PM	#8
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	Okay time to vote... Ullr: First and foremost, your writing was very good, it's an honor to be competing with a man of your caliber. However, I do have an issue with something. I think the way you tackled the topic, while very thoughtfully, you basically still rehashed the story to me. While, you did it very concisely, I still felt you were repeating the details of the movie, and some parts of the script, to someone who knows that movie very well. You should have added to something, or manipulated the concept so as to make it more you and less Alan Moore. I mean, I think anyone here can take a movie's plot and reformat it into a rhyming story, thus what I feel you need to do is dig deeper so you approach topics less bluntly, That's what I feel you're missing, your own distinct insignia that when seen is clearly ULLR's writing. Innovator: Your one of the most poetic individuals participating, in this league. Your images are very ethereal, at times, but sometimes very simple, very down to earth. Albeit, sometimes you take the cookie cutter approach to writing some sentences, and they end up being cliche statements that I feel you can transcend, so as to present something more original, which your fully capable of. Also, while you have rhyming down pat, like I said before, its not the most complex rhyming. While, nowadays that's not much of an issue for me, I do like the art of rhyming and all its advanced schemes and whatnot. So, when you are confronted with someone, like ULLR, that is going to be taken account for. And, what always helps you is your ethereal creativity, where you connect interesting topics together. Here you said some very novice things, truisms, such as "Where theres darkness there must be light, No matter how wrong theres always right"..... But, you still had some interesting, especially the beginning, but somewhere the line, you rushed it. Thanks for the read both of you. Vote: ULLR

08-13-2015, 07:13 PM	#11
sral LARSLARSLARSLARSLARS Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: CRUMPETVILLE Posts: 8,605 Battle Record: 28-3 Champed - Gimmick Battle League - The Winter Topical - Topical Martyrs - Lime Green Poetry Association - Lyric Olympics - Art of Writing League - Guerrilla Writing League (2x) - Black August II Rep Power: 85899396	Ullr took it with relative ease. Not his best showing, or Inno's here, either. I love the topic, too. This was a one-sided affair though. Ullr in every category I can think of. It's late here or i'd break it down more. Vote - Ullr __________________ - Netcees Rebuttal Tourney - Art of Writing League (x 4) - AOWL Season 11 Champion (Undefeated Season)

08-13-2015, 07:42 PM	#12
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,723 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595813	Ullr really brought it. Particular and vivid word choice and presented summary in a way that is enjoyable even to those who have seen the movie many times. Inno, not the best showing especially after reading your opponents verse first. Same conceptual angle, just more abstract, and without the flash and level of mechanics. Just a quick vote here but Ullr takes this one with ease __________________