Week 5 Contender's Match: Ullr vs. UnbornBuddha (Buddha wins)

Vulgar · 07-27-2015, 02:17 AM

LGPA Season 1: Week 5

@Ullr @UnbornBuddha

Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)

Topic:

Choose your topic from the Topic Thread.

Good luck.

UnbornBuddha · 07-28-2015, 01:19 AM

Hello

Ullr · 07-28-2015, 08:02 AM

Check, best of luck UnbornBuddha!

Ullr · 08-01-2015, 10:38 PM

They say a man needn't more than a dollar and a dream
to chase what he prizes, hatred swallowed in the stream

Sasha sits with his son on the side of the road -
Homeless, yet still trying to hold
onto humanity, heart's much finer than gold.
Grits with a smile, strumming in time with the tolls
his boy's on a microphone they managed to find in the snow
stowed in the trash in wintertime in the cold.
There they lie, singing to survive in the world -
their melodies melt the hearts of passerbys as they swirl
twirling pirouettes of beautiful sound, shining like pearls.

Their clothes are old but freshly pressed -
giving off the appearance and the breath of success.
Nothing could be further from the truth,
a facade of perfection Sasha'd learned in his youth
none respect a man who cannot earn for his boots
and those that are bedraggled shall be spurned so forsooth
there they lie, lying to the world in their blazers and suits
growing to flourish, needing only the shade for their roots.

"A dollar and a dream,
who needs a scholar and his schemes?
All I need is my father and me."

UnbornBuddha · 08-01-2015, 11:08 PM

https://mundabor.files.wordpress.com...lete-idiot.jpg

I’m seen in the same light as the lepers and rejects
Brandished, as another lesser form defect.
I mean what did I do to get most of the world to hate me?
All I did was be born,
And they looked to me as if the lord raped me.
Immediately I was different. Malignant.
My mother aware of how others kept their distance
Told me every day what I had wasn’t a sickness,
Nor was it the divine giving a little kid the finger.
It was simply part of the beauty of existence,
Not everything tastes sweet, medicine is bitter.
But, what they loudly whispered still stung and made me cringe
It made me cry and wish I could exist as what you wish I was.
Don’t feel sorry for me. Even I can discern these are silly thoughts
But, verbally expressing them removes the need for a façade.
Ironically,
The unveiling of these words is a cause of why you see me as you do;
A simpleton, who looks like a mythical creature from a zoo.
But, not one mirror has ever called me hideous,
Only those who insist on preserving what we call “image”.

You see,
I never meant to call any of you “faggots and bitches”
For fuck sake, those words are horrific.
But, I simply expressed what the moment was missing
It’s like the T-virus came into the deepest recesses of my cells
Causing a metamorphosis that forced me to gaze deeper into myself.
And what I saw was the vestige spawned when the universe exhaled.

Cognitive disease means I was the rotten apple from the knowledge tree
Yet, despite this, I’ve grown to like my oddities.
It makes for a far more interesting Odyssey.
But, I can’t say I never wish deformities and Tourette’s never existed.
Because every now and then, two strangers will point at me and stare
And say “look at that idiot way over there, he looks mentally impaired”
In return, I blurt out to them “Faggots, mind your own business”.
Even with all the therapy, gee I just can’t help what’s intrinsic!

Vulgar · 08-03-2015, 10:49 AM

Ullr - You've got good wording and the effects are heightened by your accurate multiple rhyme schemes. The subject matter here was just okay. "Finding a mic in the snow" doesn't seem plausible and conflicted with the believability of the piece. Imagery wise, it was sufficient. I could identify that the poem was based on the picture. Overall, decent poem.

UnbornBuddha - lol a Flowers for Algernon Netcees vibe over here with this one. Your pacing is patient, viewed as somewhat slow-going. I like the thoughtfulness which you extend to each of your characters, settings, and predicaments. Seeing where the story was headed, I wasn't distracted while reading this - a definite plus. The first four lines or so made me think this wasn't an UnbornBuddha verse (not literally) but as it went on, some of your vintage traits came to light, and the writing was very recognizable. Cool take.

My vote goes to UnbornBuddha.

Both had similarly concise takes. I liked Unborn's more because he went into greater detail and kept my attention while doing so.

Inno · 08-03-2015, 01:21 PM

Vote buddha

This was a dope batttle. Ullr you had something here that was soft to the
Touch. Smooth read. Creative writing to go with it. I gelt your third line
Was a bit abrupt. Kept the flow from starting off right. You fixed it though.
I like how you used the topic. Kind of obvious put you wrote very well to it.

Buddha.

You have alot on your mind sont you? Lol. I would love to face you in a battle.
I especially loved the second half with the quotes and the direction you took
Your voice in. Very nicely done man especially considering that type of writing
Is tricky. When done wrong it's completely wrong and takes so much away.

Other times you have poems like this one. Unique to the writer but open to
The readers

Vote buddha

Woke · 08-04-2015, 01:37 AM

Simply part of beauty of existence. Not everything is sweet. This is dope as faukk. Equally so, Passer bys, twirling pirouettes of beautiful sound, although not sure how, shining liken pearls works here. Well I enjoyed each verse I feel ullr went too short here. You explained enough detail about the photo for a reader to definitively understand the route which is good execution. The problem for me is its simplicity. You only explained the photo and did not delve into something deeper. This can sometimes be good, and some times come off as rushed. Buddha wrote about a person deformed, both physically and (given tourettes) mentally lame. One line I didn't like was you saying the character is at peace with his diseases or misfortunes. Yet aside from that bar he clearly was not. I feel like you each explained your individual direction masterfully because there is zero doubt in my little brain what you were going for. I did notice in each however some cadence issues due to drastic changes in syllable count. But again, each verse was enjoyed.

In the end

V/Buddha

I connected with his verse more do to him doing a great job humanizing the character and giving me as the reader, an attachment through character build up and background. Great job on those fronts brother man.

07-27-2015, 02:17 AM	#1
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604317	Week 5 Contender's Match: Ullr vs. UnbornBuddha (Buddha wins) LGPA Season 1: Week 5 @Ullr @UnbornBuddha Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time) Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time) Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time) Topic: Choose your topic from the Topic Thread. Good luck.

07-28-2015, 08:02 AM	#3
Ullr Norse God Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 221 Battle Record: 5-6 Rep Power: 0	Check, best of luck UnbornBuddha! __________________

08-01-2015, 10:38 PM	#4
Ullr Norse God Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 221 Battle Record: 5-6 Rep Power: 0	They say a man needn't more than a dollar and a dream to chase what he prizes, hatred swallowed in the stream Sasha sits with his son on the side of the road - Homeless, yet still trying to hold onto humanity, heart's much finer than gold. Grits with a smile, strumming in time with the tolls his boy's on a microphone they managed to find in the snow stowed in the trash in wintertime in the cold. There they lie, singing to survive in the world - their melodies melt the hearts of passerbys as they swirl twirling pirouettes of beautiful sound, shining like pearls. Their clothes are old but freshly pressed - giving off the appearance and the breath of success. Nothing could be further from the truth, a facade of perfection Sasha'd learned in his youth none respect a man who cannot earn for his boots and those that are bedraggled shall be spurned so forsooth there they lie, lying to the world in their blazers and suits growing to flourish, needing only the shade for their roots. "A dollar and a dream, who needs a scholar and his schemes? All I need is my father and me." __________________

08-01-2015, 11:08 PM	#5
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856376	https://mundabor.files.wordpress.com...lete-idiot.jpg I’m seen in the same light as the lepers and rejects Brandished, as another lesser form defect. I mean what did I do to get most of the world to hate me? All I did was be born, And they looked to me as if the lord raped me. Immediately I was different. Malignant. My mother aware of how others kept their distance Told me every day what I had wasn’t a sickness, Nor was it the divine giving a little kid the finger. It was simply part of the beauty of existence, Not everything tastes sweet, medicine is bitter. But, what they loudly whispered still stung and made me cringe It made me cry and wish I could exist as what you wish I was. Don’t feel sorry for me. Even I can discern these are silly thoughts But, verbally expressing them removes the need for a façade. Ironically, The unveiling of these words is a cause of why you see me as you do; A simpleton, who looks like a mythical creature from a zoo. But, not one mirror has ever called me hideous, Only those who insist on preserving what we call “image”. You see, I never meant to call any of you “faggots and bitches” For fuck sake, those words are horrific. But, I simply expressed what the moment was missing It’s like the T-virus came into the deepest recesses of my cells Causing a metamorphosis that forced me to gaze deeper into myself. And what I saw was the vestige spawned when the universe exhaled. Cognitive disease means I was the rotten apple from the knowledge tree Yet, despite this, I’ve grown to like my oddities. It makes for a far more interesting Odyssey. But, I can’t say I never wish deformities and Tourette’s never existed. Because every now and then, two strangers will point at me and stare And say “look at that idiot way over there, he looks mentally impaired” In return, I blurt out to them “Faggots, mind your own business”. Even with all the therapy, gee I just can’t help what’s intrinsic! Last edited by UnbornBuddha; 08-02-2015 at 01:03 AM.

07-28-2015, 01:19 AM	#2
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856376	Hello

08-03-2015, 10:49 AM	#6
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604317	Ullr - You've got good wording and the effects are heightened by your accurate multiple rhyme schemes. The subject matter here was just okay. "Finding a mic in the snow" doesn't seem plausible and conflicted with the believability of the piece. Imagery wise, it was sufficient. I could identify that the poem was based on the picture. Overall, decent poem. UnbornBuddha - lol a Flowers for Algernon Netcees vibe over here with this one. Your pacing is patient, viewed as somewhat slow-going. I like the thoughtfulness which you extend to each of your characters, settings, and predicaments. Seeing where the story was headed, I wasn't distracted while reading this - a definite plus. The first four lines or so made me think this wasn't an UnbornBuddha verse (not literally) but as it went on, some of your vintage traits came to light, and the writing was very recognizable. Cool take. My vote goes to UnbornBuddha. Both had similarly concise takes. I liked Unborn's more because he went into greater detail and kept my attention while doing so.

08-03-2015, 01:21 PM	#7
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,005 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899400	Vote buddha This was a dope batttle. Ullr you had something here that was soft to the Touch. Smooth read. Creative writing to go with it. I gelt your third line Was a bit abrupt. Kept the flow from starting off right. You fixed it though. I like how you used the topic. Kind of obvious put you wrote very well to it. Buddha. You have alot on your mind sont you? Lol. I would love to face you in a battle. I especially loved the second half with the quotes and the direction you took Your voice in. Very nicely done man especially considering that type of writing Is tricky. When done wrong it's completely wrong and takes so much away. Other times you have poems like this one. Unique to the writer but open to The readers Vote buddha

08-04-2015, 01:37 AM	#8
Woke Senior Member Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 183 Battle Record: 6-4 Rep Power: 553415	Simply part of beauty of existence. Not everything is sweet. This is dope as faukk. Equally so, Passer bys, twirling pirouettes of beautiful sound, although not sure how, shining liken pearls works here. Well I enjoyed each verse I feel ullr went too short here. You explained enough detail about the photo for a reader to definitively understand the route which is good execution. The problem for me is its simplicity. You only explained the photo and did not delve into something deeper. This can sometimes be good, and some times come off as rushed. Buddha wrote about a person deformed, both physically and (given tourettes) mentally lame. One line I didn't like was you saying the character is at peace with his diseases or misfortunes. Yet aside from that bar he clearly was not. I feel like you each explained your individual direction masterfully because there is zero doubt in my little brain what you were going for. I did notice in each however some cadence issues due to drastic changes in syllable count. But again, each verse was enjoyed. In the end V/Buddha I connected with his verse more do to him doing a great job humanizing the character and giving me as the reader, an attachment through character build up and background. Great job on those fronts brother man.