Rakontur vs. Witty vs. ribbit - (Rakon/Witty win by tie)

[Vulgar]

LGPA Season 1: Week 3

@Rakontur @Witty

Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)

This week's theme is to write three haikus. Why three, you ask? You're probably thinking, why not just write one and vote for the best? In my opinion, writing one haiku is a little too easy. Writing three will increase your odds of winning the battle, should one not strike a chord, and also to make it a more thorough writing exercise.

Example of what your submission should look like:


'title'
[haiku]

'title'
[haiku]

'title'
[haiku]

Your theme for your haikus shall be: Summer

[ribbit]

Check

[ribbit]

'Lock'

I'm sparing my flames
Filled my beauty with satire
I'm Iocked in it now

'Load'

Arm myself with ammo
Gun bars nah just sympathy
For my enemy

'Fire'

Bodyguard the shots
Kevin Costner and Whitney
Bullets in houston

[Woke]

Check.

[Witty]

Hi.

[Witty]

Stop.

Right there where you stand
watch as your power expands
you are but a beast.

Look.

For over the hill
come hunters; foes for the kill
remember the fight.

Listen.

Nature calls your name,
mourning a warrior; maimed,
she misses your touch.

[Woke]

POWER

Energy; Light source
Greed consumes til box entombed
Ideals beam, bright bulb



FUELS


Quickly, feed on weak
Devour hope, poor won't cope
Energize, repeat


DEATH


Silver lining is...
Sun rises, blackens corpses
Summer good, most hopeless

[Gina]

Vote witty.

The only one who didn't miscount syllables.

[Vulgar]

ribbit

'Lock'

I'm sparing my flames
Filled my beauty with satire
I'm Iocked in it now

I don't really get this.

'Load'

Arm myself with ammo
Gun bars nah just sympathy
For my enemy

Somewhat cool, a little awkward sounding with the 'nah' feature.

'Fire'

Bodyguard the shots
Kevin Costner and Whitney
Bullets in Houston

lol interesting. On the vague side but I think I see what you were trying to do. The topic was summer, which this approached at from an open-ended use of the word 'heat' I guess.

Witty

Stop.

Right there where you stand
watch as your power expands
you are but a beast.

Cool.

Look.

For over the hill
come hunters; foes for the kill
remember the fight.

Didn't like this.

Listen.

Nature calls your name,
mourning a warrior; maimed,
she misses your touch.

Cool.

Rakontur

POWER

Energy; Light source
Greed consumes til box entombed
Ideals beam, bright bulb

There's a lot here, a little stuffy IMO.

FUELS


Quickly, feed on weak
Devour hope, poor won't cope
Energize, repeat

Kinky, I like.

DEATH


Silver lining is...
Sun rises, blackens corpses
Summer good, most hopeless

Really disliked the third line, which was off by one syllable. Otherwise this had potential.


Alright so this was an off kilter battle, I'm not really a fan of haikus myself personally. You guys did decent here, displaying different approaches. ribbit I thought your third haiku was stylish. Witty, your method was baritone, getting your point across in one of the three for me. Rakontur had the best one of the battle with the energy one. It was cool.

My vote goes to Rakontur by a hair.

Thank you guys for taking this three-way battle on short notice.

[Objective]

Ribbit - First haiku is nice although I'm struggling to connect it with ''Summer''. I can't get the second haiku to connect with the topic at all and it wasn't very atmospheric either which I personally enjoy Haiku's to be. Same thing goes for the last haiku, it's too straigh forward for my taste and doesn't connect with the topic at all.

I couldn't get any of your Haiku's to connect with the topic, even if they should connect to the topic after you've explained it I'm having too much of an issue to see it as it stands now which puts you in a bad position getting the W this time around. All of them connected to a complete verse tho and that's pretty cool but that's the only compliment I can give as it didn't follow the traditional set up, nature or anything else worthy to point out.

Witty - First Haiku is pretty nice. Don't really care for the second tbh. The last one is your strong suit imo, loved that one. Dope set up, atmospheric and solid throughout. Your Haiku's also connected with each other, cool shit. I'm having trouble to see how it connects to the theme ''summer'' you were given this week though, your story could happen any time of the year.

Rakontour - First haiku is somewhat ''chopped'' up, not really complete sentences but uses context clues to give the reader the full image of what's going on. That's dope in itself but seeing how all of your Haiku's are like this it seems more of a crutch to me and lazy set up that could need some polishing. I don't know why I ain't digging it tbh, don't mean to bash it just trying to explain what it is that I didn't like.

I'm also having the same issue with your first two haikus like I have with Witty. Even though your last verse at least got ''sun rises'' which somewhat can connect to the topic ''summer'' it still is a bit weak imo.

Vote - Even though metaphores and similes are vaguely used here and there to qualify as ''summer'' which is the topic given for this week I still find it a little bit too much on the edge to score points, it also lacked a little on the atmospheric and traditional tone of Haiku's which I personally find beauty in. Nature is what exemplifies and defines Haiku so I'm kind of bummed none of you took advantage of that in a three way battle and instead went for an overly ambitious route.

Seeing how I'm having issues with the topic given this week I'm going to go by who went by the topic the best, atmosphere and the traditional set-up of 7,5,7 to give bonus points towards my final vote. Witty had the best set ups that I personally prefer with all of his being in traditional form and Rakontour had a vague connection to summer with the last Haiku.

Witty had the better atmosphere and set-up that I enjoy the most along with the best haiku of the battle (his last), so Witty gets my vote.

[UnbornBuddha]

Ribbit's piece felt the most disconnected, and while they had interesting concepts, I feel you still struggle a bit with wording. Improve on your fluidity and you'll be a force.

Witty: I saw this as you writing from the perspective of not the predator but the prey, the meek. But, I do fail to see connectivity to the topic and while this is probably due to my own ability to penetrate into the deeper veil of it all, I cannot see it. I did like it though, it had presence. Although, I did feel the first stanza was your weakest, but the other two helped carry it along.

Rakontur: Yours to me was the most elegant in this bout. Which isn't always the best thing, of course, simplicity a lot of times is the best way to forward. Something I usually don't do it either. Anyways, the energetic ploy was a good one and it showcased the futility in corporate dominance, which I felt you were aiming for. Might be mistaken, but words like greed, energy and lightbulb, as well as the meek displayed an attempt to render the ways of the world. And how nature at the end of it all ends up besting their attempts of control through its own energetic resources blessed upon us by the ether and the seasonal variations that come and go.

I felt Witty and Rakontur came close, but as I'm forced to discriminate them more, in order to draw out a vote, I felt the latter had the better pieces.

Vote: Rakontur