Week 4: Silver vs. ribbit (ribbit wins)

Vulgar · 07-20-2015, 01:59 PM

LGPA Season 1: Week 4

@Silver @ribbit

Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time)
Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time)
Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time)

Topic:

Choose your topic from the Topic Thread.

ribbit · 07-20-2015, 04:59 PM

I'm here

ribbit · 07-21-2015, 12:06 AM

There it was. My dinner party attraction outback.
My maid noticed that to arrange the vessel so it was nice to look at
The guests all settled to come see a Picasso.
The painting beneath this nitwits supplies was an artist eating a bag of nachos.
The man Used to get juiced painting while chain smoking Marlboros
Everyone had a point or some information to invite his discretion
While conversation invited him to his depression.
tried to keep to hid books. Study life.
cracking the shell until he slept wit that nut inside.
Once defied. It created a sibling.
A exhibition like friendlies or a prediction
Let life remain frenetic. The children inside energetic.
couldn't understand the people. he was weak with penmanship.
His life couldn't paint the picture of his dinner guests.
He followed them to the river bend. The pure thought of innocence.
just a thought. He signaled the waiter. Asked for some ice.
They passed him a glass of red wine.
The party sat and gossiped. Each sparkle with a bit of knowledge.
educated. The words seemed to ve filled in the jamboree
They chatted and told jokes. They took exquisite notice of things like raspberries
And the balcony of it's faculty provide that chaos so thst thr audience can redeem this artists sanity.

Dope girl · 07-24-2015, 01:29 PM

I'm here and drop wen I'm done

Dope girl · 07-24-2015, 02:19 PM

I HAD ARRIVED IN Miami to study my art
INTRODUCTION TO Niki Minaj was where I start
Invited to rip the run way by staff and best friend
Went to show and sit at end
My dress was the hottest a lady could wear
White, diamonds everywhere
Everyone stop and look at me before they leave
Because they thought my hairstyle look amazing
I'm shining with coggie car
I'm about to be five star

UnbornBuddha · 07-25-2015, 12:18 AM

I think I'm going to vote for Ribbit here. Don't get me wrong, yours was good Silver, I just don't like Niki Minaj.

Ribbit

Ullr · 07-25-2015, 11:34 AM

I think this battle was a little lopsided because it was clear more time and effort was put into Ribbit's verse evident by length alone, Silver's piece really felt shortchanged and weak to me, it had some interesting ideas within it but not nearly enough to really flesh out what you're getting at. I didn't even really know the topic you chose which was disappointing for me - nothing about the piece really stood out which led me to the conclusion it was a last minute afterthought which stinks.

I felt Ribbit had some nice stuff in there, some lines were a bit off though I respect some of the larger syllable switches which the greatest of which wound up being soured with a couple missteps but the attempts in and of themselves were still impressive. I thought this was a cool piece, a bit dijointed and chaotic which matched the tone of the topic but was still at least a little distracting. In all this was an interesting take on the topic which was quite interesting to read.

MVGT: Ribbit

Woke · 07-26-2015, 11:25 AM

Vote ribbit

Not much to say on silver other then decent intro really. Rib captivated me in all honesty though. The entire scene played out really jumpy, like a dream or a hallucinogen enhanced state. So it was tough to follow, but I actually liked that about it. Solid imagery and decent rhymes, was a bit off and on in that department, but overall good writing.

Inno · 07-26-2015, 11:50 AM

Vote ribbit

His story telling is seems to be picking up as the
Season progresses. Still a bit jumbled but the imagery
And the words arw coming together. His diction was onpoint
For most of the piece. Enjoyed reading this tbh

Silver
You had an idea you just need to write more to even consder
A vote from me. Basically this was a no show piece? I dunno

Votw ribbit

07-20-2015, 01:59 PM	#1
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	Week 4: Silver vs. ribbit (ribbit wins) LGPA Season 1: Week 4 @Silver @ribbit Check ins: Tuesday (Midnight Eastern time) Poems Due: Friday (Midnight Eastern time) Votes due: Sunday (Midnight Eastern time) Topic: Choose your topic from the Topic Thread. Last edited by Inno; 07-25-2015 at 09:11 AM.

07-20-2015, 04:59 PM	#2
ribbit The deputy of nc Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: The Rodent Kingdom Posts: 514 Battle Record: 1-10 Rep Power: 7784053	I'm here __________________ Get lost

07-21-2015, 12:06 AM	#3
ribbit The deputy of nc Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: The Rodent Kingdom Posts: 514 Battle Record: 1-10 Rep Power: 7784053	There it was. My dinner party attraction outback. My maid noticed that to arrange the vessel so it was nice to look at The guests all settled to come see a Picasso. The painting beneath this nitwits supplies was an artist eating a bag of nachos. The man Used to get juiced painting while chain smoking Marlboros Everyone had a point or some information to invite his discretion While conversation invited him to his depression. tried to keep to hid books. Study life. cracking the shell until he slept wit that nut inside. Once defied. It created a sibling. A exhibition like friendlies or a prediction Let life remain frenetic. The children inside energetic. couldn't understand the people. he was weak with penmanship. His life couldn't paint the picture of his dinner guests. He followed them to the river bend. The pure thought of innocence. just a thought. He signaled the waiter. Asked for some ice. They passed him a glass of red wine. The party sat and gossiped. Each sparkle with a bit of knowledge. educated. The words seemed to ve filled in the jamboree They chatted and told jokes. They took exquisite notice of things like raspberries And the balcony of it's faculty provide that chaos so thst thr audience can redeem this artists sanity. __________________ Get lost Last edited by ribbit; 07-21-2015 at 12:13 AM.

07-24-2015, 02:19 PM	#5
Dope girl Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: I live in Florida Posts: 4,788 Battle Record: 3-8 Rep Power: 55521419	here what I got so far I HAD ARRIVED IN Miami to study my art INTRODUCTION TO Niki Minaj was where I start Invited to rip the run way by staff and best friend Went to show and sit at end My dress was the hottest a lady could wear White, diamonds everywhere Everyone stop and look at me before they leave Because they thought my hairstyle look amazing I'm shining with coggie car I'm about to be five star

07-25-2015, 11:34 AM	#7
Ullr Norse God Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 221 Battle Record: 5-6 Rep Power: 0	I think this battle was a little lopsided because it was clear more time and effort was put into Ribbit's verse evident by length alone, Silver's piece really felt shortchanged and weak to me, it had some interesting ideas within it but not nearly enough to really flesh out what you're getting at. I didn't even really know the topic you chose which was disappointing for me - nothing about the piece really stood out which led me to the conclusion it was a last minute afterthought which stinks. I felt Ribbit had some nice stuff in there, some lines were a bit off though I respect some of the larger syllable switches which the greatest of which wound up being soured with a couple missteps but the attempts in and of themselves were still impressive. I thought this was a cool piece, a bit dijointed and chaotic which matched the tone of the topic but was still at least a little distracting. In all this was an interesting take on the topic which was quite interesting to read. MVGT: Ribbit __________________

07-24-2015, 01:29 PM	#4
Dope girl Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: I live in Florida Posts: 4,788 Battle Record: 3-8 Rep Power: 55521419	I'm here and drop wen I'm done

07-25-2015, 12:18 AM	#6
UnbornBuddha Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2014 Posts: 1,008 Battle Record: 23-10 Champed - Art of Writing League - AOWL Season 5 Rep Power: 23856379	I think I'm going to vote for Ribbit here. Don't get me wrong, yours was good Silver, I just don't like Niki Minaj. Ribbit

07-26-2015, 11:25 AM	#8
Woke Senior Member Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 183 Battle Record: 6-4 Rep Power: 553418	Vote ribbit Not much to say on silver other then decent intro really. Rib captivated me in all honesty though. The entire scene played out really jumpy, like a dream or a hallucinogen enhanced state. So it was tough to follow, but I actually liked that about it. Solid imagery and decent rhymes, was a bit off and on in that department, but overall good writing.

07-26-2015, 11:50 AM	#9
Inno Ad mini tator Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 10,025 Battle Record: 26-54 Champed - Lime Green Poetry Association - Black August - 1-2 Punch League Rep Power: 85899403	Vote ribbit His story telling is seems to be picking up as the Season progresses. Still a bit jumbled but the imagery And the words arw coming together. His diction was onpoint For most of the piece. Enjoyed reading this tbh Silver You had an idea you just need to write more to even consder A vote from me. Basically this was a no show piece? I dunno Votw ribbit