the happy one

[Zen]

I wait all day for the night time
so we can walk the streets under the bright lights.

There's people ahead and they're walking together, and talking of how it's always better on the other side.

They laugh that they'll be there in another life.

A girl's in the alley,
her friend holds her hair,
with her head in the garbage can
hoping that no one stares.

We move on,
our only thought: we don't care.

'We're almost to the Square.'

But I stop for a moment.
'I'll just meet you there.'
I light up a cigarette,
and take in the breeze
of the cold night time air,
and quietly I whisper,
'I wish I could die right here.'
Sigh...

Enjoy the good times.

Cheers.

[Mr. J]

This was pretty great Zen, I enjoyed the progression
the transitioning from one moment to the next is well done
it's a terrific story put together with very few words
but you capture the beauty of it all at the end, which caps it off
I enjoyed it, keep writing breh..

[Hush]

NYC a helluva place

[Pharaohs Army]

solid imagery, or rather should i say 'image-inducing storytelling', and, from a technical perspective,the "format" with which you present it seems to decisively be the 'way you want it to be', and is good. something i've been trying to work on.
making it easy where the rhymes should hit, etc.

the... girl puking in an alley garbage can...

i'm really glad you used this here(early)and it's difficult to describe why atm.

[Inno]

yes how did i not see this one.

yo i can feel this one with the imagery you put out. that cigarette burning, the scenario is painted well and comes alive in each word you typed. love the the square metaphor i thought it was fucking dope and well placed withing the poem...almost like a reminder.

thanks for posting this broseph

[Witty]

Man, you are soooo underrated.

I am too, but that's more to do with not competing.

This was great, from start to finish.

I hope one day people will wake up and realise you are one of the best still doing this, you don't get ennough acknowledgement.