something quick

Geno · 05-15-2015, 04:38 PM

Feeling like the grind never pays
Another day. Another dollar. Its time for a raise
I got my poker face on. Beware of the god
I will hunt your ass down. Preyers or not
I keep a militant mind. Im In way to deep
These scars remind me. That the game is for keeps
The past is real. Its like a peek at the future
I remember yesterday. When i speak to these losers
I been real for as long as i know. All of my life
If you catch me going hard. Its just part of my vice
Youve gotta earn respect. Before its given to you
And thats a lesson in life. That isnt given in school
I done been a free man. And a prisoner dog
Theres always a cage though. With invisible bars
Keep your friends close. Your enemies extra
Given a chance. And ya' reflection would getcha
My brother spoke his mind. he lied like a hoe
My mother called me up. Told me i was dissowned
So Ive got trust issues. And thats word to Drake
Its room under my wing. Cause you birds are fake
Its like a weights been lifted. Angers released
Hes gotta live with the fact. Hes a stranger to me
Thats a heavy cross to bear. His lies supplied
Theres a whole in my heart. Words can not define
Went to battle for him. Put my life on the line
Theres a point to this shit. He aint likely to find
They say the good die yung. The bad arent supposed
Id rather live with that baggage. Than pass as a joke
My name ring bells. I got nothin to fear
The best feeling's i can look. At whats in the mirror
No shame in my game. I turned out like a G
You wanna see a bad guy. It turns out like its me

Objective · 05-19-2015, 07:21 PM

Idk, been some time since I wrote anything and read anything so keep that in mind when I'm feeding you as I might be missing out on shit... But ye, this shit seemed kind of half assed at times,... well, not really half assed, but rather lazy in a way? I don't know, can't exactly put my finger on it. I can see the style you're going for and it's not the usual you the way I remember it but you still keep a certain refined standard somehow. However, it seems a bit simple at times as if you're cutting away too many syllables and just leaves it there because it sounds good, mainly thinking about this couplet:

''Thats a heavy cross to bear. His lies supplied
Theres a whole in my heart. Words can not define''
^ it just doesn't seem like it's finnished, like a sketch but not in a way as opposed to this couplet which is my fav in your piece:
''They say the good die yung. The bad arent supposed
Id rather live with that baggage. Than pass as a joke''
^ It still got that abrupt end in each sentence but it's complete in a whole different way.

Enjoyed the piece as a whole with its straight forward message and approach but I've definitely read shit I personally enjoyed a bit better from you. Cool to see you test out different shit and elevating your pen game in different areas at your level, keep it up.

Wise Wiggles · 05-19-2015, 07:38 PM

Trill shit homie. Liked that reflection line. A few others grabbed me also. Real smooth feel to this props and stay up mah ninja

big baby · 05-19-2015, 08:52 PM

haha

sucked thx

Geno · 05-19-2015, 10:22 PM

This was trash. Thanx guys

Bodey · 05-20-2015, 08:34 AM

you can tell you probly didnt take your time on this but i love writin quick things in here sometimes to vent so i appreciated the venting nature about it for sure.

I done been a free man. And a prisoner dog
Theres always a cage though. With invisible bars
Keep your friends close. Your enemies extra
Given a chance. And ya' reflection would getcha
My brother spoke his mind. he lied like a hoe
My mother called me up. Told me i was dissowned

i dug this bit. again, just cuz it's not deep doesnt mean i couldnt hear you flowing that on a track

Mr. J · 05-20-2015, 10:49 PM

Seems like you need a shot of Fireball and a few beers
Geno needs that old thing back, this seems different of you
I'm used to the more in pain Geno, but I guess it isn't an 'always' type of thing
regardless I thought this was pretty cool for a return verse
it's been awhile since I seen you write anything aside from discussion topics..
and this was a nice little refresher keep doing you brotha man

05-15-2015, 04:38 PM	#1
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	something quick Feeling like the grind never pays Another day. Another dollar. Its time for a raise I got my poker face on. Beware of the god I will hunt your ass down. Preyers or not I keep a militant mind. Im In way to deep These scars remind me. That the game is for keeps The past is real. Its like a peek at the future I remember yesterday. When i speak to these losers I been real for as long as i know. All of my life If you catch me going hard. Its just part of my vice Youve gotta earn respect. Before its given to you And thats a lesson in life. That isnt given in school I done been a free man. And a prisoner dog Theres always a cage though. With invisible bars Keep your friends close. Your enemies extra Given a chance. And ya' reflection would getcha My brother spoke his mind. he lied like a hoe My mother called me up. Told me i was dissowned So Ive got trust issues. And thats word to Drake Its room under my wing. Cause you birds are fake Its like a weights been lifted. Angers released Hes gotta live with the fact. Hes a stranger to me Thats a heavy cross to bear. His lies supplied Theres a whole in my heart. Words can not define Went to battle for him. Put my life on the line Theres a point to this shit. He aint likely to find They say the good die yung. The bad arent supposed Id rather live with that baggage. Than pass as a joke My name ring bells. I got nothin to fear The best feeling's i can look. At whats in the mirror No shame in my game. I turned out like a G You wanna see a bad guy. It turns out like its me __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

05-19-2015, 07:21 PM	#2
Objective ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º) Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 3,868 Battle Record: 17-32 Rep Power: 52474192	Idk, been some time since I wrote anything and read anything so keep that in mind when I'm feeding you as I might be missing out on shit... But ye, this shit seemed kind of half assed at times,... well, not really half assed, but rather lazy in a way? I don't know, can't exactly put my finger on it. I can see the style you're going for and it's not the usual you the way I remember it but you still keep a certain refined standard somehow. However, it seems a bit simple at times as if you're cutting away too many syllables and just leaves it there because it sounds good, mainly thinking about this couplet: ''Thats a heavy cross to bear. His lies supplied Theres a whole in my heart. Words can not define'' ^ it just doesn't seem like it's finnished, like a sketch but not in a way as opposed to this couplet which is my fav in your piece: ''They say the good die yung. The bad arent supposed Id rather live with that baggage. Than pass as a joke'' ^ It still got that abrupt end in each sentence but it's complete in a whole different way. Enjoyed the piece as a whole with its straight forward message and approach but I've definitely read shit I personally enjoyed a bit better from you. Cool to see you test out different shit and elevating your pen game in different areas at your level, keep it up. __________________ I'm not a slave for entertainment, I'm entertainments personal slave, So deep into writing I'm concerned bout the text on my grave. www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8ozGcGJ6o

05-19-2015, 07:38 PM	#3
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	Trill shit homie. Liked that reflection line. A few others grabbed me also. Real smooth feel to this props and stay up mah ninja __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

05-19-2015, 10:22 PM	#5
Geno White Earl Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Philly Cat. Posts: 12,354 Battle Record: 10-15 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x) Champed - Netcees Writers League - Write Week I - Write Week 8 Rep Power: 50036761	This was trash. Thanx guys __________________ *-A.bove T.he R.est*

05-20-2015, 10:49 PM	#7
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	Seems like you need a shot of Fireball and a few beers Geno needs that old thing back, this seems different of you I'm used to the more in pain Geno, but I guess it isn't an 'always' type of thing regardless I thought this was pretty cool for a return verse it's been awhile since I seen you write anything aside from discussion topics.. and this was a nice little refresher keep doing you brotha man __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you