My Equation To Emotion Dipped In Basic Devotions

Mr. J · 02-27-2015, 03:29 AM

Dance with the devil, flirt with life, dine with fate...
I argue with lust, fight with a bitch til' I'm arriving late
the type you hate while I debate on the life I made
autobiography that ended quicker than a psychics gaze
what I'm trying to say is it crossed my mind as I lie awake..
'Hi! I'm fake & the dreams we have always find a break'
searching between a crevice, broken hearts, dusted remnants..
reflected Rembrandts, staring into ourselves without a sentence
just a question: 'does this position make me look threatened?'
I'm obsessive, compulsive, this order came with a message
another serving of sloppy seconds, devoured with pleasure..
the words that surrounded forever sounded like 'never'
well aren't you clever deciphering the idiotic measures..
chronic discomfort & chaotic pressure pushed beyond its center
tell tale heart between a basement floor & knockin' boots.
celebrate your independence, someone bring the rockets through
who are you talking to? the product use or is it the constable?
if you weren't on this murder spree I'd want to stop you too..
shiiiiiit..let them collect the bounty & the money shots all for you

I end this sequence by continuing on...pissed at music
if there's a revival going on it came with the kiss of Judas

Mr. J · 03-06-2015, 11:55 AM

<3

Pharaohs Army · 03-17-2015, 01:58 AM

all i had to do was turn on a good beat
unreal. props.

"well aren't you clever"

that phrase killed me. love it. although i'm not sure what "idiotic measures" means.

"celebrate your independence, someone bring the rockets through"

Structurally this line was great. The first part rhymed well with "2-lines ago", fit in very nicely. And then after the comma the part that ends with "rockets through" i love rhyming that with "knockin' boots" from a phonetic perspective.

And now I must also give props to myself because I might use "phonetic perspective" in my next verse.

Split Eight · 04-11-2015, 04:22 PM

Got this latah

Split Eight · 04-14-2015, 04:27 AM

what I'm trying to say is it crossed my mind as I lie awake..
'Hi! I'm fake & the dreams we have always find a break'
searching between a crevice, broken hearts, dusted remnants..
reflected Rembrandts, staring into ourselves without a sentence

That was my favorite section. Your were a bit all over the place but I liked how you untangled your thoughts. Cool freewrite, good shit Q

02-27-2015, 03:29 AM	#1
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	My Equation To Emotion Dipped In Basic Devotions Dance with the devil, flirt with life, dine with fate... I argue with lust, fight with a bitch til' I'm arriving late the type you hate while I debate on the life I made autobiography that ended quicker than a psychics gaze what I'm trying to say is it crossed my mind as I lie awake.. 'Hi! I'm fake & the dreams we have always find a break' searching between a crevice, broken hearts, dusted remnants.. reflected Rembrandts, staring into ourselves without a sentence just a question: 'does this position make me look threatened?' I'm obsessive, compulsive, this order came with a message another serving of sloppy seconds, devoured with pleasure.. the words that surrounded forever sounded like 'never' well aren't you clever deciphering the idiotic measures.. chronic discomfort & chaotic pressure pushed beyond its center tell tale heart between a basement floor & knockin' boots. celebrate your independence, someone bring the rockets through who are you talking to? the product use or is it the constable? if you weren't on this murder spree I'd want to stop you too.. shiiiiiit..let them collect the bounty & the money shots all for you I end this sequence by continuing on...pissed at music if there's a revival going on it came with the kiss of Judas __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

03-06-2015, 11:55 AM	#2
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	<3 __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

03-17-2015, 01:58 AM	#3
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,956 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	all i had to do was turn on a good beat unreal. props. "well aren't you clever" that phrase killed me. love it. although i'm not sure what "idiotic measures" means. "celebrate your independence, someone bring the rockets through" Structurally this line was great. The first part rhymed well with "2-lines ago", fit in very nicely. And then after the comma the part that ends with "rockets through" i love rhyming that with "knockin' boots" from a phonetic perspective. And now I must also give props to myself because I might use "phonetic perspective" in my next verse.