the last drop of cleanliness

ribbit · 02-14-2015, 10:11 PM

I'm lacksadaisacle. No praise is full.
I try to impress nothng amazes this world.
I'm afraid its true. Room to improve?
Apologetic. Frenetic stray is profound but not true.
Block me. Ignore these flows. My path destroyed.
Metamorphoses. Its a question to avoid.
I'm a blood sport in text. The next warfing identity.
Enclose my thought of its stressed. My plot is death.
It heckles his distortion. Arrive under consortment.
The devil reinents his regiment. Loveless proportions.
I hate him. He hates me more. My knot is extortions.
This mule he dragged a fanaticle birth.
Its sabbatical drug. Take my hand with his words.
I'm young she can't abide my ruling. This fuel spits.
Its gasoline is flamable. I'm burning its pool drift.
Its explosive. Don't you see? I'm ending this in ablaze.
Funny how shit is defamed under the ditch in his grave.
Its over now hope nani and mommy proud.
I'm going gun down and bomb it out.
You wanted to fuck around.
Now go back where u were found.

Zen · 02-15-2015, 03:25 PM

I've got to be honest, I have no idea what you're talking about. I kept expecting with the constant stops that you were about to go on, well how should I say this? Hmm, that you were about to string together a section of great rhyming, but you never really done that. Not to be a dick, seriously, but it was the same tired concepts and rhymes that I've read or heard a million times before (the devil, nothing's ever enough or good enough, etc.) If it would have been well-written, that's easy to overlook, but honestly it wasn't. You've got a lot of work to do, but keep it up, pimp. Peace.

Wise Wiggles · 02-16-2015, 02:32 PM

I like this

ribbit · 02-17-2015, 01:42 PM

Humbly respected holmes

02-14-2015, 10:11 PM	#1
ribbit The deputy of nc Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: The Rodent Kingdom Posts: 514 Battle Record: 1-10 Rep Power: 7784053	the last drop of cleanliness I'm lacksadaisacle. No praise is full. I try to impress nothng amazes this world. I'm afraid its true. Room to improve? Apologetic. Frenetic stray is profound but not true. Block me. Ignore these flows. My path destroyed. Metamorphoses. Its a question to avoid. I'm a blood sport in text. The next warfing identity. Enclose my thought of its stressed. My plot is death. It heckles his distortion. Arrive under consortment. The devil reinents his regiment. Loveless proportions. I hate him. He hates me more. My knot is extortions. This mule he dragged a fanaticle birth. Its sabbatical drug. Take my hand with his words. I'm young she can't abide my ruling. This fuel spits. Its gasoline is flamable. I'm burning its pool drift. Its explosive. Don't you see? I'm ending this in ablaze. Funny how shit is defamed under the ditch in his grave. Its over now hope nani and mommy proud. I'm going gun down and bomb it out. You wanted to fuck around. Now go back where u were found. __________________ Get lost Last edited by ribbit; 02-14-2015 at 11:18 PM.

02-16-2015, 02:32 PM	#3
Wise Wiggles nok Su kow Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,505 Battle Record: 1-1 Rep Power: 51788022	I like this __________________ "black as midnight..black as pitch blacker than the soul of the foulest witch"

02-17-2015, 01:42 PM	#4
ribbit The deputy of nc Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: The Rodent Kingdom Posts: 514 Battle Record: 1-10 Rep Power: 7784053	Humbly respected holmes __________________ Get lost

02-15-2015, 03:25 PM	#2
Zen Arm the Homeless Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,102 Battle Record: 22-24 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 35079722	I've got to be honest, I have no idea what you're talking about. I kept expecting with the constant stops that you were about to go on, well how should I say this? Hmm, that you were about to string together a section of great rhyming, but you never really done that. Not to be a dick, seriously, but it was the same tired concepts and rhymes that I've read or heard a million times before (the devil, nothing's ever enough or good enough, etc.) If it would have been well-written, that's easy to overlook, but honestly it wasn't. You've got a lot of work to do, but keep it up, pimp. Peace.