I think I'm dying bros.

[Dominate]

So I'm in thailand. Something oing on w my ear, been hurting a lil for the last couple days, today got way worse so I finally accepted it wasn't gonna get better by itself and that my home remedy of listerine on a q tip maaaay have made it worse/ruptured my ear drum. So I ask te hostel reception to get me a cab and tell the driver to take me to a dr that speaks English. Five minutes later I make myself understood. "Oh you have infection ear? Ok I send you good doctor". Hopes are still high at this point. Cab comes. I ask him how much. He tells me a price that I know damn well is ridiculous. I start to haggle and then realize I haven't got the energy to follow through in my weakened state and he knows it. So I'm like fine, Patpongpanoodle Singhabhuttri or w.e. the fuck his name is can take an extra $13 from me and buy ball in a cup for his kids, just get me to the fucking dr.

I arrive and the nurse gives me one of those medical history forms to fill out. Not all the questions have English translations but I fill it out as accurately as I can (family name and "give the name", do I have allergy drugs, do I take "bad heart medicine")... Hopes dropping a little... The lady behind the desk I forms me a consultation will cost 3000 baht excluding medications, which is like $100.. The fuck? The Hangover led me to believe I could get a life threatening injury seen to for $7. Whatever. I'm past caring at this point. Just fix me.

I'm the only patient in the clinic but I still hve to wait 20mins to see the dr but I finally get in and he's in a full suit with waistcoat and tie and tie clip and a Rolex sitting behind his desk with a bunch of framed certificates on the wall behind him. I hve no idea what they say but it still looks impressive. Hopes soaring. Surely now I will be ok.

He opens his mouth and this image of prestige and competence is instantly shattered. "WHY YOU COME?". Like, kind of aggressive. I think I flinched. I tell him "my ear hurts".

"OHHHHHHH".

Tone suggests he already has a diagnosis from my extensive description of what's ailing me, but nonetheless He rummages through a draw and finds that thing they look in your ear with. It's in a box. He actually blows dust off the top of it. Then he struggles to assemble the thig and has to refer to the instruction manual several times. I feel like crying at this point. Eventually he gets it together and looks in my ear. Then this motherfucker starts LAUGHING AT ME. "You have a wax! You have a big wax! I don't see nothing inside you ear! Just wax!". He calls the nurse in and tells her something in thai and she starts laughing too. Then she takes me to another room and motions for me to lie down with my ear pointing up an stay still. Pours some nasty smelling shit into my ear with no warning. "No move! No move!". So I don't move, but I'm pretty sure I can feel this shit eating away at my inner ear and making its way toward my brain. I'm just about to say fuck this shit and leave when she tells me I can get up and holds a tissue against my ear while I do. When she takes the tissue away it's got some nasty dark yellow/brownish clumps in it. Ew. Then doc comes back in and starts unwrapping a syringe from its packaging. Uhhhhhh what? But turns out he just wants to use it to squirt more shit into my ear, this time with some projectile force. More yellow/brown shit comes out. He laughs at me some more. Then checks me with the ear thing again. Apparently now he can see.

Anyway, the upshot is I paid an extra $80 for a little bottle of ear drops. Well I assume they are ear drops. It's all in thai and there is a little red skull and bones poison symbol on it so who the fuck knows. My ear feels worse than it did before and the fetal position just feels so right right now.

Nice knowing you bros.