Zeugma

Nigma · 11-25-2014, 10:10 PM

step inside my sightless vision, rewind the glitches, each time you glimpse in, I conspire within Cairo mystics, It’s Isis wish I decipher hieroglyphics that line the width of a giant prism, its bright within and the light emitted can divide the sins from your stitching and lightly lift you to a higher lifes existence. Height addicted, I climb the cliffs, let the rays of light invade my eyelids. It makes my pineal feel amazing, like a crazy IV high that fades in time but gives me the patience to create shit that you says divine... buts its like yay, alright, i can fill a page with rhymes, but I have days I feel disgraced, like every line or painful rhyme I write is maybe just a waste of time. but other days, the bars I write are like an arson tryin to start a fire. sparks are common sight like Mars is through a Martians eyes. I hardly try, yet capable of making brains so swollen that they’re charred and fried, close to bursting, working with the ghosts of wordsmiths throwing curses leaving each team that reaches to defeat us WORSE than hurting, scared for life. you love the dark designs i scribe with but when the hearts align its aimed for harm like tarzans vines. the way i play my cards is like a sergeant when his army strikes, its hard, precise, the targets in the marksman's sight so stop your movement. you useless pawns are brutal, want da Gods advice, well I’ll be honest dude, your topics stupid do not pursue it. im not the villian, i just spew the truth on some scooby doo shit since real monsters always human, and truth is you wouldnt be hot walking through a lava pool topped with fossil fuel and couldnt cause a mood switch with two sniffs of molly, wanna duel?? shit, you’d lose quick as food did to Gandhi. i couldnt give two shits like Daylyt, its not stage fright, its more the way you make writing seem like its greater than life, youre sendin threats and fake fighting. steppin to my face and walkin away unscathed is like ray rice for feminism or eminem for gay pride, it ain’t likely. the rain is dried, the curse of Satan, the urge to waste you, your teams awful. this verse a statement, at first you’ll claim to hate it, then words of praise will emerge and you’ll see flaws fade. I tee’d off cause you bitches seem soft as blossoms at the turn of nature and its pissin me off like a condom during urination.

Mr. J · 11-26-2014, 03:46 AM

This was interesting the paragraph style comes and goes
the formula for the structure is nice once you get the hang of it
I feel like it is mostly used to string words along to help build vocab
Anyway...after the first string you take an unexpected twist using less rhymes
Focusing more on well....yourself..which is cool but after te beginning. I thought I would see more
Unfortunately I didn't...but you hone your skill well when on track
keep writing

ogiatje · 12-03-2014, 11:14 PM

first off the format of this sucks. better off putting it in a format that works for your rhymes, you had a decent rhyme scheme so learn to make that work for you.

i just spew the truth on some scooby doo shit since real monsters always human, and truth is you wouldnt be hot walking through a lava pool topped with fossil fuel and couldnt cause a mood switch with two sniffs of molly, wanna duel?? shit, you’d lose quick as food did to Gandhi. i couldnt give two shits like Daylyt,
this was probably my favorite part. it was specific, personable and had some good creativity. i felt like a lot of the other part you sacrificed personality for rhymes, which sometimes can work for you but can also work against you. keep letting the personality shine.

11-25-2014, 10:10 PM	#1
Nigma The COAT... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 1,723 Battle Record: 28-20 Champed - Art of Writing League (x3) Rep Power: 4595813	Zeugma step inside my sightless vision, rewind the glitches, each time you glimpse in, I conspire within Cairo mystics, It’s Isis wish I decipher hieroglyphics that line the width of a giant prism, its bright within and the light emitted can divide the sins from your stitching and lightly lift you to a higher lifes existence. Height addicted, I climb the cliffs, let the rays of light invade my eyelids. It makes my pineal feel amazing, like a crazy IV high that fades in time but gives me the patience to create shit that you says divine... buts its like yay, alright, i can fill a page with rhymes, but I have days I feel disgraced, like every line or painful rhyme I write is maybe just a waste of time. but other days, the bars I write are like an arson tryin to start a fire. sparks are common sight like Mars is through a Martians eyes. I hardly try, yet capable of making brains so swollen that they’re charred and fried, close to bursting, working with the ghosts of wordsmiths throwing curses leaving each team that reaches to defeat us WORSE than hurting, scared for life. you love the dark designs i scribe with but when the hearts align its aimed for harm like tarzans vines. the way i play my cards is like a sergeant when his army strikes, its hard, precise, the targets in the marksman's sight so stop your movement. you useless pawns are brutal, want da Gods advice, well I’ll be honest dude, your topics stupid do not pursue it. im not the villian, i just spew the truth on some scooby doo shit since real monsters always human, and truth is you wouldnt be hot walking through a lava pool topped with fossil fuel and couldnt cause a mood switch with two sniffs of molly, wanna duel?? shit, you’d lose quick as food did to Gandhi. i couldnt give two shits like Daylyt, its not stage fright, its more the way you make writing seem like its greater than life, youre sendin threats and fake fighting. steppin to my face and walkin away unscathed is like ray rice for feminism or eminem for gay pride, it ain’t likely. the rain is dried, the curse of Satan, the urge to waste you, your teams awful. this verse a statement, at first you’ll claim to hate it, then words of praise will emerge and you’ll see flaws fade. I tee’d off cause you bitches seem soft as blossoms at the turn of nature and its pissin me off like a condom during urination. __________________

11-26-2014, 03:46 AM	#2
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,046 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349682	This was interesting the paragraph style comes and goes the formula for the structure is nice once you get the hang of it I feel like it is mostly used to string words along to help build vocab Anyway...after the first string you take an unexpected twist using less rhymes Focusing more on well....yourself..which is cool but after te beginning. I thought I would see more Unfortunately I didn't...but you hone your skill well when on track keep writing __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

12-03-2014, 11:14 PM	#3
ogiatje Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2014 Posts: 6 Rep Power: 0	first off the format of this sucks. better off putting it in a format that works for your rhymes, you had a decent rhyme scheme so learn to make that work for you. i just spew the truth on some scooby doo shit since real monsters always human, and truth is you wouldnt be hot walking through a lava pool topped with fossil fuel and couldnt cause a mood switch with two sniffs of molly, wanna duel?? shit, you’d lose quick as food did to Gandhi. i couldnt give two shits like Daylyt, this was probably my favorite part. it was specific, personable and had some good creativity. i felt like a lot of the other part you sacrificed personality for rhymes, which sometimes can work for you but can also work against you. keep letting the personality shine.