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#1 |
ghost in the matrix
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Covington, KY
Posts: 4,563
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Sitting here hungry, i've been drinking and Moody
Thinking back when I had the Lincoln and cruising Around the town listening to blues travelers; damn That car was like the brotherhood of the traveling pants all of my people drove her, atleast the ones with a chance And if they ain't have a license they still paid for the gas. It was like a right to take the whip for a ride Hit I-275 smoking, coming back from Cincinnati high. The only radio that worked was a 2 speaker boom box Battery powered with a tape deck that held the Roots; locked. You either drove and played music or you sat in the back cuz the radio had permanent shotty; everybody else rolled the sacks. It had a rebuilt title, and still idled a little low, If we stayed parked for too long, the headlights dimmed to a glow. Punch the gas and Rev the engine; she roared back to life every time, Till one night we hit a tree, and couldn't stop her from dying. She was the whole blocks car, half the people in it I never knew Which makes it odd I cared more that the engine was through Than I did for the kid that died that night with her too Because he was just a bystander in the the death of my youth. ![]()
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#2 |
............
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,934
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Alot of things you write the average joe can relate to...it's good in that aspect, brings a refreshin' feel to the OM when most of us pen up stuff that's more often thought up so much to the extent that the realism when readin' it is non existent.I have to be in the mood to read your stuff tbh but when I am and do it's normally an enjoyable read...this is no exception, for what it is shit was cool man.
Stay upwards. |
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#3 |
Razor-thin derision
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25
Accomplishments - OM HOF
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Pretty atmospheric and I commend you for that. On first read, it had a satisfying air about it, you weren't overambitious or setting it up for anything epic or exaggerated. Keeping it casual is an underrated skill, something I find myself being hit-or-miss with a lot. I like that you expanded on the history of the car and its psychological residue. In terms of criticism, it wasn't a strong topical verse. Development and thoroughness seem to be something you can work on.
Keep it up. |
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#4 |
ghost in the matrix
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Covington, KY
Posts: 4,563
Battle Record: 14-25
Champed - Art of Writing League (x2)
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Thanks guys, I was just bored an just kinda threw it together in about 15 mins to write something since I haven't in awhile lol appreciate the feed
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#5 |
The Clown Prince
Join Date: Apr 2013
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This was a smooth piece makes me reminisce as well
though I didn't bump the Roots til' later years I always had Outkast either way you paint a picture quite well & don't drag the verse out which makes for a smooth sailing type of piece which draws one in I enjoy how the imagery splices together with the pic as well either way the vibe was on point, and the flow was smooth nice drop breh
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.....laugh....and the world laughs with you |
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#6 |
ghost in the matrix
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Covington, KY
Posts: 4,563
Battle Record: 14-25
Champed - Art of Writing League (x2)
- Lime Green Poetry Association
Rep Power: 8181113 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
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Thanks bruv
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