08-22-2022, 10:32 PM | #1 |
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An Allegory of Truth and Time
No show verse from the last week of AOWL
An Allegory of Truth and Time
Life is like being chained up in a cave, forced to watch shadows flitting against a stone wall Behold; A tale of three generations, there's meaning to that Cursed with seeing the past when it needs us to act The circle that is life's an oval squeezed and compact And each of us are tailored to keep it intact Eb and flow, ingest the breath your chest can pull Then let it go, complete the routine scenes as they flash Seeing each moment like beaches of action in pieces of sand Rain meets the ocean to grow it, complete what it lacks The present is a puzzle, life's a piece of a past Predetermined meaning as it's seen on the map I'll complete what my family calls me to do Name's Time, I'm the oldest and the father of Truth We finally felt alignment when her daughter was two She called the child Balance, reasons obvious too Could conjure flawless rings, which her thoughts would produce Godly while it's utilized for solving what's ruined But only when the danger seems to call for it's use, since The blueprints pages gleam and now my thoughts are imbued But now that I'm... Conjuring the past to alter facts, the way we change the screen Abuse my kid each usage, causes Truth to lay in agony Eyes closed, her child, gripped in fear would leave - Evade the scene With Balance lost, gravity is ravaging - A rage machine The power packed within it's bending objects before quakes'll blossom As the hours glass (was mine) would shake enough to break it's bottom Contents seen, fall beneath it, endlessly, they aim to leave I look ahead of me and see the way that's paved, a place to meet Search and find the circle of all life that Balance gave to me Hold the loop to fully scoop the contents I'm enslaved to keep Alter Truth to calm the lack of Balance as she's laying weak But grounded as her daughter caught her eye, her face is seen! Glass is crafted then the sand is transferred from the space we needed Now we stay, await another cycle to come alive in this crazy dream
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08-23-2022, 06:29 PM | #2 |
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I've been doing this for you. For all of you. I have wasted so much time. So much energy. To look like you--to sound like you--so that you specks feel comfortable around me. I've been holding back...I'm not playing god; all this time, I've been playing human Last edited by Paytience; 08-23-2022 at 06:34 PM. |
08-23-2022, 07:38 PM | #3 | |
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08-24-2022, 02:24 PM | #4 | |
low tide in serotonin bay
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I’d read this verse about three times and hadn’t had proper time to feed until now This was a cool verse I’m sorry you didn’t get to drop it we moved on rather fast last week. Think this is a good topic but almost feel like it has too much going on in it, realistically there’s one central theme and that’s time. But there’s other ways you could have twisted it, you told a pretty safe story in my eyes topic wise. Was good but you didn’t really break the mold, rhyming was solid, progression was decent , and like I said I wish you could have dropped this and competed in more weeks because I think you’re dope. Glad I had the privilege of battling you though. You’re an awesome writer and though I feel like this piece maybe could have used some more fine tuning and maybe a final read through/edit would have benefited it but overall I was a fan of it |
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08-25-2022, 12:11 AM | #5 | |
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To quote: 'Life is like being chained up in a cave, forced to watch shadows flitting against a stone wall' ^^^That is from Plato's Allegory of the cave. You should check it out, even if it's just a summary...it's a good read. "How to understand the sun by the shadows on the wall?"
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I've been doing this for you. For all of you. I have wasted so much time. So much energy. To look like you--to sound like you--so that you specks feel comfortable around me. I've been holding back...I'm not playing god; all this time, I've been playing human |
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08-26-2022, 07:38 PM | #6 | |
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Everyone else, thank you, I appreciate ya taking the time to read this.
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10-26-2022, 12:10 AM | #7 | |
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A highly conceptual and abstract piece of writing — somewhat a signature style of yours. I’d probably need to read this multiple times to fully grasp its totality beyond the poetic flare and anthropomorphic ambition. With that being said, I was thoroughly entertained with what I read and understood — both on a technical and contextual basis.
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02-25-2023, 02:38 PM | #8 |
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nexxt. |
03-16-2023, 04:21 AM | #9 |
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@Nigma
You are one of the best I've ever seen in the rhyme/flow/internals...fancy-yet-smooth "department". I mean really impressive and top notch when it comes to that. I guess the only slight knock would be: Does that proficiency and focus "hamper meaning" a bit?...Here, it does, I think...BUT 1- that may be MORE the fact that it's abstract content/tone....perhaps the focus on technicality is not THE reason for "hampered meaning"....maybe it's purposefully abstract...It is, after all, an abstract picture you wrote to. 2-I mean this is enjoyable to read, even more to execute...guess it's just so abstract I was looking for something more tangible/linear....but hey, this piece could very well be you purposefully executing the opposite... Good stuff man... ====================================== I'd like to see you step outside your comfort zone sometime, even if just a quickie....perhaps try something more concrete/ less nuanced/ more direct/ dare I say more "vapid" (purposefully)...with your technical abilities it could certainly be exceptional with the right tone/ideas.... NOT saying to quit abstract rhyme extravaganzas...those r very important... Take care~ |
04-21-2023, 05:19 PM | #10 |
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05-15-2023, 06:00 PM | #11 |
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