Crawl Space

Mr. J · 08-10-2016, 01:13 AM

My grasp will leave you too choked up to gasp
I laugh at the society that you know then collapse.
eyes looking to the future, covered in gloss...
mind racing through a number of thoughts.
another facade that reminds me of what lies beneath.
a common pussy praised domesticated tyrant teeth...
walking like an Egyptian, with senses of a Sphinx
focused on the reflection & the position it brings.
refreshments are drinks measured under the eclipse
face splattered with spit, dark passenger in the whip.
the scene is set by what the blood spatter predicts.
if you are reading this...too late for scandalous scripts.
all manners of shit that ran into this banana & split...
thats the last strawberry, where do the pineapples stop?
you eating cartons of that shit while watching Chocolat
tomorrow ought to come with an award for gimmicks.
that will get these newbies out quicker than abortion clinics.
exit stage left, Im mortified with it...of course Im kidding.
in a hotel downtown with a long lost love living with lust
lulling lyrical lullabies lying leisurely while listening to Scrubs.
linguine on low temp...rotating in the room microwave...
the room smells of slow sex & new aftershave...
how else can I resume this Saturday or what day is it?
......huh?

YDK · 08-10-2016, 02:56 PM

Lol started off slow with the rhymescheme, or maybe it's just been so long since I've read anything on here I didn't catch it correctly.
Decent Lil keystyle type shit man

Quarter O · 08-10-2016, 05:12 PM

Started off good..like 4 lines in..then..got bad..real bad. Seems like you can't hear how your shit actually sounds...like... some of those lines, spit out loud sounds, embaressing to be spit out loud, to keep it real with you..like u were saying some real cheesy shit. Don't let your imagination run wild too much or try to cover a rhyme..

"all manners of shit that ran into this banana & split...
thats the last strawberry, where do the pineapples stop?
you eating cartons of that shit while watching Chocolat"

Velveta.

The key is to have a imagination but still making it sound cool. Yeah i said..sound cool. thats what it's about whether you wanna admit it or not.

08-10-2016, 01:13 AM	#1
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,028 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349679	Crawl Space My grasp will leave you too choked up to gasp I laugh at the society that you know then collapse. eyes looking to the future, covered in gloss... mind racing through a number of thoughts. another facade that reminds me of what lies beneath. a common pussy praised domesticated tyrant teeth... walking like an Egyptian, with senses of a Sphinx focused on the reflection & the position it brings. refreshments are drinks measured under the eclipse face splattered with spit, dark passenger in the whip. the scene is set by what the blood spatter predicts. if you are reading this...too late for scandalous scripts. all manners of shit that ran into this banana & split... thats the last strawberry, where do the pineapples stop? you eating cartons of that shit while watching Chocolat tomorrow ought to come with an award for gimmicks. that will get these newbies out quicker than abortion clinics. exit stage left, Im mortified with it...of course Im kidding. in a hotel downtown with a long lost love living with lust lulling lyrical lullabies lying leisurely while listening to Scrubs. linguine on low temp...rotating in the room microwave... the room smells of slow sex & new aftershave... how else can I resume this Saturday or what day is it? ......huh? __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

08-10-2016, 02:56 PM	#2
YDK ghost in the matrix Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Covington, KY Posts: 4,564 Battle Record: 14-25 Champed - Art of Writing League (x2) - Lime Green Poetry Association Rep Power: 8181109	Lol started off slow with the rhymescheme, or maybe it's just been so long since I've read anything on here I didn't catch it correctly. Decent Lil keystyle type shit man __________________

08-10-2016, 05:12 PM	#3
Quarter O Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2015 Posts: 109 Rep Power: 0	Started off good..like 4 lines in..then..got bad..real bad. Seems like you can't hear how your shit actually sounds...like... some of those lines, spit out loud sounds, embaressing to be spit out loud, to keep it real with you..like u were saying some real cheesy shit. Don't let your imagination run wild too much or try to cover a rhyme.. "all manners of shit that ran into this banana & split... thats the last strawberry, where do the pineapples stop? you eating cartons of that shit while watching Chocolat" Velveta. The key is to have a imagination but still making it sound cool. Yeah i said..sound cool. thats what it's about whether you wanna admit it or not.