where people play all day

something · 10-07-2015, 12:54 PM

I microwaved my leftover Digiorno from the previous evening.
Glanced over the apple on the counter. It seems I'm mistreating
myself with the things that I'm eating.
My microwave rotates, but it's unevenly heating,
so while the meat is just steaming, it tastes frozen.
'Tomorrow's kitchens today!' slogans. Who'll call this age golden?
The future just ain't what it used to be, ay Yogi?
Pursuing perfection. The human elective.
I've got wi-fi, a 60" LED and tablet, but I'm just using electric.
I'm confused. I'm eccentric. In a mood. I'm incessant.
Abusive. This hubris. I'm so used to ingesting.
WE. THINK. WE'RE. SO. SMART but their ain't much to know.
Know-it-all. You only focus small. Widen the margin.
Slide into darkness where pride gets demolished.
Why? Because it's where I reside, and I'm conscious
of being at a disadvantage by minding the contents
you don't find in your process. Need you twined in my cobwebs.
Hi, there. WHATCHA DOING IN ME WATERS?!
No-not fishing... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
So... the silence. Y'all hear about Joseph Biden?
Leaked sentimental shit to the media to get votes off dying.
American Psycho's back on Netflix. I'm SO excited.
Fill my head with sex. Death. Over indulgence. Give me spell check so I don't need to think. Move my arms, robot. WALKING DEAD MARATHON. Need to work. $$$$$$$$$$ feed the machine. Support my life. Lifeless. Work to live. Live to work. Grease the wheels. Diseases kill. I shred my bills. Troll collection agencies. You'll never take me alive, pigs. I laugh at you, me. We think we deserve any better. Think this is a fairytale. You could get married still. You're barely real. Rarely feel. Spare the spiel. Memories of TV. Caaaaaaaaaaaable guuuuuuuuuuuuuuy. KILL THE BABYSITTER KILL THE BABYSITTER. Back of my head I'm being watched. Who's seeing this? Framed for a mass shooting. This will be evidence. Big Brother modified. It's an idea not a reality show. Police state. Max Headroom.

CopyPat · 10-07-2015, 07:53 PM

damn this was dope.

really feelin the content, shit is right up my alley, pretty much how i feel about it aswell. very confident writing. you know what ur doing, thoroughly enjoyed this. should post more. well done

Pharaohs Army · 10-08-2015, 02:41 AM

So... the silence. Y'all hear about Joseph Biden?
Leaked sentimental shit to the media to get votes off dying.
American Psycho's back on Netflix. I'm SO excited.

Think this is a fairytale. You could get married still. You're barely real. Rarely feel.

lmao. I'm tempted to talk about a recurring theme i see from you about modern-age dystopia, but I'd rather just be entertained by the rhymes&content of this shit, especially what i quoted above

Mr. J · 10-12-2015, 02:04 PM

This was pretty cool, I didnt like that opening though
the rest of it seemed to work really well for you, I just felt opening your story that way
and ending it how you did kind of just threw me off towards the end of the verse
regardless I felt like that you had a pretty good rhyme scheme, the flow was cool
I really enjoyed how you brought this all together and made an interesting dystopian piece
didnt really enjoy the end as much as I thought I would, I mean its cool
but I didnt get caught up in this piece like I would your others.

dope work though

10-07-2015, 12:54 PM	#1
something Junior Member Join Date: May 2015 Posts: 12 Champed - OM VOTM June 2015 Rep Power: 0	where people play all day I microwaved my leftover Digiorno from the previous evening. Glanced over the apple on the counter. It seems I'm mistreating myself with the things that I'm eating. My microwave rotates, but it's unevenly heating, so while the meat is just steaming, it tastes frozen. 'Tomorrow's kitchens today!' slogans. Who'll call this age golden? The future just ain't what it used to be, ay Yogi? Pursuing perfection. The human elective. I've got wi-fi, a 60" LED and tablet, but I'm just using electric. I'm confused. I'm eccentric. In a mood. I'm incessant. Abusive. This hubris. I'm so used to ingesting. WE. THINK. WE'RE. SO. SMART but their ain't much to know. Know-it-all. You only focus small. Widen the margin. Slide into darkness where pride gets demolished. Why? Because it's where I reside, and I'm conscious of being at a disadvantage by minding the contents you don't find in your process. Need you twined in my cobwebs. Hi, there. WHATCHA DOING IN ME WATERS?! No-not fishing... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... So... the silence. Y'all hear about Joseph Biden? Leaked sentimental shit to the media to get votes off dying. American Psycho's back on Netflix. I'm SO excited. Fill my head with sex. Death. Over indulgence. Give me spell check so I don't need to think. Move my arms, robot. WALKING DEAD MARATHON. Need to work. $$$$$$$$$$ feed the machine. Support my life. Lifeless. Work to live. Live to work. Grease the wheels. Diseases kill. I shred my bills. Troll collection agencies. You'll never take me alive, pigs. I laugh at you, me. We think we deserve any better. Think this is a fairytale. You could get married still. You're barely real. Rarely feel. Spare the spiel. Memories of TV. Caaaaaaaaaaaable guuuuuuuuuuuuuuy. KILL THE BABYSITTER KILL THE BABYSITTER. Back of my head I'm being watched. Who's seeing this? Framed for a mass shooting. This will be evidence. Big Brother modified. It's an idea not a reality show. Police state. Max Headroom.

10-07-2015, 07:53 PM	#2
CopyPat Mic Check Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Calgary Alberta Canada Posts: 707 Battle Record: 13-10 Rep Power: 3742222	damn this was dope. really feelin the content, shit is right up my alley, pretty much how i feel about it aswell. very confident writing. you know what ur doing, thoroughly enjoyed this. should post more. well done __________________ My syllable count approximately a billion, bounce. You cannot compete.

10-12-2015, 02:04 PM	#4
Mr. J The Clown Prince Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 5,028 Battle Record: 35-45 Champed - Art of Writing League Rep Power: 59349679	This was pretty cool, I didnt like that opening though the rest of it seemed to work really well for you, I just felt opening your story that way and ending it how you did kind of just threw me off towards the end of the verse regardless I felt like that you had a pretty good rhyme scheme, the flow was cool I really enjoyed how you brought this all together and made an interesting dystopian piece didnt really enjoy the end as much as I thought I would, I mean its cool but I didnt get caught up in this piece like I would your others. dope work though __________________ .....laugh....and the world laughs with you

10-08-2015, 02:41 AM	#3
Pharaohs Army Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Posts: 2,962 Battle Record: 6 - 14 Rep Power: 0	So... the silence. Y'all hear about Joseph Biden? Leaked sentimental shit to the media to get votes off dying. American Psycho's back on Netflix. I'm SO excited. Think this is a fairytale. You could get married still. You're barely real. Rarely feel. lmao. I'm tempted to talk about a recurring theme i see from you about modern-age dystopia, but I'd rather just be entertained by the rhymes&content of this shit, especially what i quoted above