When will you leave?

[Mike Wrecka]

Topic - When will you leave?


whenever you decide to leave, i'll be sad that your gone,
its difficult to perceive, how life will move on,
I find peace and serenity, not through gospel or song,
but at the core of your existence like a tropical storm,
when I stumble, from confronting all these obstacles wrong,
pick myself up after I fall, cause for you I got to be strong,
your Dad will always be a loser, thats what the prophecy warned,
but since the day you were born, I have solemnly sworn,
that the smile on your face is always properly worn,
though as you grow older, our paths will get probably torn,
in different directions, not through any deliberate intentions,
just as our common interest divide and diminish our connection,
these things are hard to mention, so lets enjoy this moment in time,
as I try to tell myself having all these emotions is fine,
the only function that would help me function and cope is rewind,
the fountain of youth for you is something that im hoping to find,
what a broken design, soon you'll have got up and left,
and me and your mom will be stuck with just an empty nest,
ya having one less mouth to feed will relieve plenty of stress,
but in my heart I will feel a never ending sentiment of emptiness,
what a tremendous mess, yes I want you to grow up and prosper,
expand your horizons, as you overthrow and conquer,
and the world better be ready, cause you are so a monster,
that I created and now even I cannot stop her,
right now im packing your lunch, soon enough, youll be packing your bags,
and we will all be celebrating, saying congrats to the grad,
the smile on my face will only mask the fact that im sad,
whole time wishing that i could just go back to the past,
but the futures past is currently the present, so really in essence,
i still have your whole childhood and adolescence,
but
whenever you decide to leave, i'll be sad that your gone,
its difficult to perceive, how life will move on......

[Frank Metts]

deep ... realest thing I've read in a long time and being able to relate makes it that much better

On a Technical side the flow was real smooth easy to follow and your used good vocabulary and structure and never strayed from the topic


Tnank you

[PancakeBrah]

Pretty good

[Plot]

This was really good man, the flow was great.
The things I really liked were:
-Just the whole piece, really stuck to the topic, so I guess the completeness of it.
-The opening closing repetition, hot bar and rounded the piece well.
-2nd bar, tropical storm-godpel or song/center/tranquillity was dope.
-The empty nest/emptiness part was also great wording/rhyming
Nice drop

[Mike Wrecka]

thanks dudes

[dead man]

I find peace and serenity, not through gospel or song,
but at the core of your existence like a tropical storm,

sick. the eye of the storm. a really interesting device here because peacefulness in any given moment when viewed from afar can show the chaos that came before it, and what will inevitably arrive afterwards. attributing that sort of calm to a person surrounded by craziness really made this poignant.

the only function that would help me function and cope is rewind

word. i know the feeling.

there are a few borderline tiresome couplets that sort of recant the statements of others or just were not interesting on their own. diminish our connection, deliberate intention.. was not fond.. i find that writing like that seems to focus more on what the words look like than what youre actually trying to tell us and its not a good look for your personal expression. you have the freedom to say anything in the world to us at any given moment. don't waste that liberation on artificiality.


and the world better be ready, cause you are so a monster,
that I created and now even I cannot stop her,

i liked the turn of phrase. but this was sloppy form, mate.

i am not gathering that this is an ode to your step-daughter who is soon to leave for college, while thats not a feeling i can relate to in any comparable scale i can imagine what a huge transition that is. the mixed emotions that shift from predominant pride and happiness to the woe of a sorrowful separation.

nothing is permanent homie.. although i hate to be the stranger on a message board to tell you that it will never be the same after she leaves. but you should embrace her development rather than remorse over the past that is no more. it's a continuum.

stay well mike. and thanks.




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