WEEK 9: Destroyer 5-3 VS Username 4-3 USER WINS

[UPN Zuch]

Welcome to the NBL

Rules

Line limit

Minimum: 10

Maximum: 16

Verses due 11:59pm EST December 4, 2020 (Friday)

Extensions are granted automatically. 24-hour max. MUST BE REQUESTED BY DEADLINE


Good luck, gentlemen

[Destroyer]

text prowess, calorie intake, even his foot size won
this guy dwarfs me in every category but mostly cuz he literally looks like one
we need to get u help bro. forget about bars. this shit’s drastic
when ur friends tell u to ‘kick the hobbit’ it ain’t cuz they got British accents
and the ones who stay silent have done bro a disgrace
like some kind of dyslexic aero... he’s taken a bilbo to the face...
gunbars won’t work on u. need eye of newt and a battle-honed axe
i dont want to smoke u, i want to whittle a pipe that looks like u and just smoke that
go in on days off to shell out cells to switch from a home phone
u get called into work??? it’s cuz some kid just wished on a snow globe
my home you’ll find lego-less cuz i cant stand stepping on the shit in bare feet
in ur home u find Legolas, because u two fought side by side at Helm’s Deep.
des got a wife, true, but keeps a mistress and a girl for weekend cheating
user stays with three hos too, but only cuz it’s how he gives season’s greetings

[UserName]

Bro, your head’s getting clowned for it’s shape
That thing looks like the spoon Finny’s been cooking on since 2008
You old fuck, I've got something biblical on the docket
First I'll dead you, then eat EVERY Werther's Original in your pocket
Senile ass, but if we’re honest, I will murder this elf
If I told you to act your age, this picture would be an urn on a shelf
Des hates his own race, and he’s been whining for years
Can’t even go grey in peace, he thinks whites are gentrifying his beard
Orbital is JACKED, the one to the right of his snout's worse
That I's been at the center of a punch more than any in Scout's verse
But one move or a squirm and I am shooting this worm
Lookin’ like Mr. Clean, dead for 30 years after losing to germs
Someone sent me this pic, but really went the drastic route
Cuz Des’ been dead for years, his girl just photoshops the casket out

[dull boy]

Vote - Des

[Scout]

Des

text prowess, calorie intake, even his foot size won
this guy dwarfs me in every category but mostly cuz he literally looks like one
my home you’ll find lego-less cuz i cant stand stepping on the shit in bare feet
in ur home u find Legolas, because u two fought side by side at Helm’s Deep.

User

Bro, your head’s getting clowned for it’s shape
That thing looks like the spoon Finny’s been cooking on since 2008
Orbital is JACKED, the one to the right of his snout's worse
That I's been at the center of a punch more than any in Scout's verse


Got it dead even in standouts, quality and quantity
Comes down to nonstandouts. I think des had the bigger misses like kick the hobbit & his closer
User had more almosts like werthers & act your age

This is close but
Voting User

[evaD]

Des I thought this was one of your weaker efforts tbh.you stuck to the dwarf disses throughout but a few just seemed too forced to work.. kick the hobbit? Lol opener I liked and legoless somehow went from a wtf to dope.

User opener was fire and s perfect wording throughout carried it off. Werthers original was funny. I didn’t even know they were a thing in America. Gentrifying also nice

Vote - user

[fraze]

Originally Posted by Destroyer

text prowess, calorie intake, even his foot size won
this guy dwarfs me in every category but mostly cuz he literally looks like one
like this. i had i similar orc bar last week, but i like the way you set this up
we need to get u help bro. forget about bars. this shit’s drastic
when ur friends tell u to ‘kick the hobbit’ it ain’t cuz they got British accents
this is ok
and the ones who stay silent have done bro a disgrace
like some kind of dyslexic aero... he’s taken a bilbo to the face...
not really a fan of this
gunbars won’t work on u. need eye of newt and a battle-honed axe
i dont want to smoke u, i want to whittle a pipe that looks like u and just smoke that
cool idea. don't like the way you angled the punch. doesn't hit to me
go in on days off to shell out cells to switch from a home phone
u get called into work??? it’s cuz some kid just wished on a snow globe
this could have been cool if setup different. nice idea, but this is light to me
my home you’ll find lego-less cuz i cant stand stepping on the shit in bare feet
in ur home u find Legolas, because u two fought side by side at Helm’s Deep.
this is funny enough to work
des got a wife, true, but keeps a mistress and a girl for weekend cheating
user stays with three hos too, but only cuz it’s how he gives season’s greetings
this is ok. kinda light. kinda cool

Quotes: dwarfs me, kick the hobbit, Legolas, three hos
Close: whittle a pipe, snow globe

Nice verse. Didn't like bilbo but the rest were all nice concepts. Your wording was on point for most of the verse. Some of the LoTR references felt overboard after a while but you were working with the pic you had. Enjoyed the read, keep it up man.

Originally Posted by UserName

Bro, your head’s getting clowned for it’s shape
That thing looks like the spoon Finny’s been cooking on since 2008
i get the concept, but not the personal so this is a little light to me. still ok
You old fuck, I've got something biblical on the docket
First I'll dead you, then eat EVERY Werther's Original in your pocket
this is funny and mean. good recipe for a bar.
Senile ass, but if we’re honest, I will murder this elf
If I told you to act your age, this picture would be an urn on a shelf
something is off to me about the wording but still nice
Des hates his own race, and he’s been whining for years
Can’t even go grey in peace, he thinks whites are gentrifying his beard
kinda funny, kinda light. extra points for creativity tho
Orbital is JACKED, the one to the right of his snout's worse
That I's been at the center of a punch more than any in Scout's verse
not really a fan
But one move or a squirm and I am shooting this worm
Lookin’ like Mr. Clean, dead for 30 years after losing to germs
get the concept but 'losing to germs' doesn't do enough to make this hit to me.
Someone sent me this pic, but really went the drastic route
Cuz Des’ been dead for years, his girl just photoshops the casket out
kinda funny. kinda statementish

Quotes: Finny's spoon, werther's original, act your age, gentrifying
Close: Mr. Clean, casket

You focus on humor in your bars, which can be hit or miss I guess depending on the reader. You aren't really using a lot of word play or flips, most of your punches are observational, so if the humor doesn't carry it, some lines fall flat. That said, you're probably the funniest writer on the site, so it doesn't usually matter, you make it work.

Vote: Destroyer Battle is exactly even on quotes/mentions so tie break is basically just who's verse I'm feeling more. I'm usually not a huge destro fan b/c of his wording but that wasn't an issue this week. Verse focused mostly on the dwarf/santa angle so it loses a little on creativity to users. I also usually like UserName's style, his wording is always smooth and he's funny as fuck. But some of the concepts were a little on the simpler side this week. It felt like User fell off more in the second half of his verse, so I'm giving Des a slight edge for consistency. Good battle on both sides tho.

[iSpaz]

text prowess, calorie intake, even his foot size won
this guy dwarfs me in every category but mostly cuz he literally looks like one
my home you’ll find lego-less cuz i cant stand stepping on the shit in bare feet
in ur home u find Legolas, because u two fought side by side at Helm’s Deep.

Vs


Senile ass, but if we’re honest, I will murder this elf
If I told you to act your age, this picture would be an urn on a shelf
Des hates his own race, and he’s been whining for years
Can’t even go grey in peace, he thinks whites are gentrifying his beard
Orbital is JACKED, the one to the right of his snout's worse
That I's been at the center of a punch more than any in Scout's verse
Someone sent me this pic, but really went the drastic route
Cuz Des’ been dead for years, his girl just photoshops the casket out

V/user in a close one. The dwarf angle was cool but got repetitive quick

[UPN Zuch]

Need more votes

[Mac]

text prowess, calorie intake, even his foot size won
this guy dwarfs me in every category but mostly cuz he literally looks like one
cool

we need to get u help bro. forget about bars. this shit’s drastic
when ur friends tell u to ‘kick the hobbit’ it ain’t cuz they got British accents
lol

and the ones who stay silent have done bro a disgrace
like some kind of dyslexic aero... he’s taken a bilbo to the face...
ehh mild

gunbars won’t work on u. need eye of newt and a battle-honed axe
i dont want to smoke u, i want to whittle a pipe that looks like u and just smoke that
lol

go in on days off to shell out cells to switch from a home phone
u get called into work??? it’s cuz some kid just wished on a snow globe
ok cool execution

my home you’ll find lego-less cuz i cant stand stepping on the shit in bare feet
in ur home u find Legolas, because u two fought side by side at Helm’s Deep.
wow

des got a wife, true, but keeps a mistress and a girl for weekend cheating
user stays with three hos too, but only cuz it’s how he gives season’s greetings
okk


vs.

Bro, your head’s getting clowned for it’s shape
That thing looks like the spoon Finny’s been cooking on since 2008
dead lmao

You old fuck, I've got something biblical on the docket
First I'll dead you, then eat EVERY Werther's Original in your pocket
okk

Senile ass, but if we’re honest, I will murder this elf
If I told you to act your age, this picture would be an urn on a shelf
decent

Des hates his own race, and he’s been whining for years
Can’t even go grey in peace, he thinks whites are gentrifying his beard
lol

Orbital is JACKED, the one to the right of his snout's worse
That I's been at the center of a punch more than any in Scout's verse
ehh

But one move or a squirm and I am shooting this worm
Lookin’ like Mr. Clean, dead for 30 years after losing to germs
ok

Someone sent me this pic, but really went the drastic route
Cuz Des’ been dead for years, his girl just photoshops the casket out
ok I like this better than the urn on a sheelf


nice battle.. clash of styles. Finny is LOTB but I got destroyer here by a pinch.. matter of style preference

v/des

[Wanderer]

text prowess, calorie intake, even his foot size won
this guy dwarfs me in every category but mostly cuz he literally looks like one
Lol, he does. ok
we need to get u help bro. forget about bars. this shit’s drastic
when ur friends tell u to ‘kick the hobbit’ it ain’t cuz they got British accents
This doesn’t work
and the ones who stay silent have done bro a disgrace
like some kind of dyslexic aero... he’s taken a bilbo to the face...
LOL it gets a pass because it’s hilarious
gunbars won’t work on u. need eye of newt and a battle-honed axe
i dont want to smoke u, i want to whittle a pipe that looks like u and just smoke that
Not feeling
go in on days off to shell out cells to switch from a home phone
u get called into work??? it’s cuz some kid just wished on a snow globe
Cool
my home you’ll find lego-less cuz i cant stand stepping on the shit in bare feet
in ur home u find Legolas, because u two fought side by side at Helm’s Deep.
Too forced for me man but appreciate the idea
des got a wife, true, but keeps a mistress and a girl for weekend cheating
user stays with three hos too, but only cuz it’s how he gives season’s greetings
Ok lol

Vs

Bro, your head’s getting clowned for it’s shape
That thing looks like the spoon Finny’s been cooking on since 2008
Lol ok
You old fuck, I've got something biblical on the docket
First I'll dead you, then eat EVERY Werther's Original in your pocket
I see this getting some hype but I’m like nah.. it’s just a bit simple
Senile ass, but if we’re honest, I will murder this elf
If I told you to act your age, this picture would be an urn on a shelf
Nice one
Des hates his own race, and he’s been whining for years
Can’t even go grey in peace, he thinks whites are gentrifying his beard
Not really feeling
Orbital is JACKED, the one to the right of his snout's worse
That I's been at the center of a punch more than any in Scout's verse
Ok ok
But one move or a squirm and I am shooting this worm
Lookin’ like Mr. Clean, dead for 30 years after losing to germs
The fuck is mr clean?
Someone sent me this pic, but really went the drastic route
Cuz Des’ been dead for years, his girl just photoshops the casket out
Ehhh nah

I’m voting Des in a close one

[Swerve]

text prowess, calorie intake, even his foot size won
this guy dwarfs me in every category but mostly cuz he literally looks like one
go in on days off to shell out cells to switch from a home phone
u get called into work??? it’s cuz some kid just wished on a snow globe

I'm not a big fan of complimenting someone as part of a bar but you basically said he was better than you at text...so it lost a little thunder to me. Could have done more with the dwarf thing and the santa stuff was weak too because he doesnt really look like it.

vs.

Bro, your head’s getting clowned for it’s shape
That thing looks like the spoon Finny’s been cooking on since 2008
You old fuck, I've got something biblical on the docket
First I'll dead you, then eat EVERY Werther's Original in your pocket
Orbital is JACKED, the one to the right of his snout's worse
That I's been at the center of a punch more than any in Scout's verse
But one move or a squirm and I am shooting this worm
Lookin’ like Mr. Clean, dead for 30 years after losing to germs

What I liked about this was that a lot of it felt fresh and basically a different idea every bar. Some bad misses, but even they were attempts at doing something else.

V/ User

[Blue Bayou]

text prowess, calorie intake, even his foot size won
this guy dwarfs me in every category but mostly cuz he literally looks like one


Lol at the gimli reference.. chuckle worthy but saying he dwarfs you in text prowess isn't a good look for the impact of the punch


we need to get u help bro. forget about bars. this shit’s drastic
when ur friends tell u to ‘kick the hobbit’ it ain’t cuz they got British accents

Maybe it works maybe it doesn't... seems like a reach but okay

and the ones who stay silent have done bro a disgrace
like some kind of dyslexic aero... he’s taken a bilbo to the face...

This one/concept for sure doesn't work

gunbars won’t work on u. need eye of newt and a battle-honed axe
i dont want to smoke u, i want to whittle a pipe that looks like u and just smoke that

Wording not the smoothest , this was okay

go in on days off to shell out cells to switch from a home phone
u get called into work??? it’s cuz some kid just wished on a snow globe

Lol this was funny to me

my home you’ll find lego-less cuz i cant stand stepping on the shit in bare feet
in ur home u find Legolas, because u two fought side by side at Helm’s Deep.

Lego-less and leg a lass doesn't work....I'll over look it tho bcuz the punch doesn't even need the setup word association to be funny

des got a wife, true, but keeps a mistress and a girl for weekend cheating
user stays with three hos too, but only cuz it’s how he gives season’s greetings

This is a good example of a long-winded setup that doesn't need to be... "des got a wife, but keeps a side piece for weekend cheating " would be a lot cleaner imo... Santa hos / hoes jokes have been done a hundred times so even with the pic reference this is just okay to me


Vs

Bro, your head’s getting clowned for it’s shape
That thing looks like the spoon Finny’s been cooking on since 2008

Lmao funny site & pic reference .. this was jokes to me

You old fuck, I've got something biblical on the docket
First I'll dead you, then eat EVERY Werther's Original in your pocket

Lol funny old man swag I haven't seen before...not a bagger but the wording makes this enjoyable to me

Senile ass, but if we’re honest, I will murder this elf
If I told you to act your age, this picture would be an urn on a shelf

Cool concept...solid

Des hates his own race, and he’s been whining for years
Can’t even go grey in peace, he thinks whites are gentrifying his beard

Lol appreciate the concept... cool idea , solid jab

Orbital is JACKED, the one to the right of his snout's worse
That I's been at the center of a punch more than any in Scout's verse

Okay cool site reference again.. Dece

But one move or a squirm and I am shooting this worm
Lookin’ like Mr. Clean, dead for 30 years after losing to germs

Lmao...wording was butter...dead at someone saying who is Mr Clean

Someone sent me this pic, but really went the drastic route
Cuz Des’ been dead for years, his girl just photoshops the casket out

Lol I think this is a cool use of the pic...I can see it



Cool battle....both gave come better in previous weeks... Des a couple of the LOTR ideas I quite liked, others I didn't... User had a bit more variety and I think was more consistent...his much better wording made his punches land a lil stronger imo as well

Props to both User won this to me

[UPN Zuch]

Votes close at 9. And the leader wins.