Safe & Sound [Poetry]

[Objective]

The easel stroke brush against anti-selfs favorite corner
in an attempt to always make the right turn on open fields
of wonder.
"Do that", they said.
"That's a safe and smart route to take!"
And so he did.

No motorized vehicles to disrupt focus
with their attention-whoring present-time themed
"I am here"
time signatures in a void of subtle woe is me-noise
and false assumptions to what the speed limit is.

Grassy knolls stay green behind the mask of shadows
waiting for someone to have a picnic for once, but no.
The horizon taste of bittersweet victory laps of wasted effort
in an un-educated guess of what ambition and risk entails.

Pave the way for certainty 'till its routine is baked
into the soul of 9-5 mantras and yoga classes.

"Let me see where this road takes me.", he sighed.

The voice of reason laughed with contempt
as the silent guard of a double moralists
vague attempt at being brave.

It snarled from beneath the wall of sheltered excitement:
"Why don't you hide in the tall grass for once and see what's lurking?!"

"One day. Perhaps...", he said to himself.
And kept following the easel strokes' guided path
to regret and thoughts of
what could have been.

[Adverse]

Thought this could have been more linear storywise, just more focused I mean I understand the whimsical nature of it and how it was supposed to be this journey but stuff like

Pave the way for certainty 'till its routine is baked
into the soul of 9-5 mantras and yoga classes.

Felt kinda weird to me and also more hip hop verbiage, but I did like the instances of heavy imagery I appreciate those a lot in poetry . Just some of the stuff made it feel not so poetic to me but that may just be preference and also I understand art is very subjective and just because it isn't hitting with me doesn't mean it won't blow someone else away completely. Keep writing dude I do enjoy your work just don't know like Eng told me before if this could be classified as "poetry" in a traditional sense

[Objective]

Originally Posted by Adverse

Keep writing dude I do enjoy your work just don't know like Eng told me before if this could be classified as "poetry" in a traditional sense

Thanks for the thought out feed, going to try and focus on a more linear approach next. And I agree with you and Eng, I've thought about it and decided that's going to be my style, I want to write poetry or whatever you want to call it like this.

Been posting on a poetry forum as well as HipHop boards, the Patrice Morgan one got great feedback on L.A. and the poetry forum, which is a first for a text in "rap-form". I'm just going to develop it further, listen to feed and build from there. An artist friend of mine has said he can illustrate my poems if I compile enough to make a book out of it. So that's in the horizon as well, I just need to write enough good shit and I'm not sure if this one will make the cut yet.