Yeah

[Exis]

Yo,

Ex is known for his heart rippin'
from the victims he targets
like how he pulled out yours thru that large frickin
ditch in your carcass
I'm an overly hard hitter
better hope you is armed wit it
go 'head and picture the carnage as a totally fucked image
stripped of all charcoal flesh
disfigured in darkness,
a harmless limp figure with no ligament cartilage left
in a position that's far from best
is your predicament nigga
I'm a lyrical architect,
creatin' miracles bigger
than any in the biblical era
so if you were to arch your neck
and straight up squint your eyes partna
the remarkable distance reached
you cannot visually visit
whilst you is buildin' apartments
with lego bricks in a carpark
wishin' you had a crib and some carpet
so you could shift from the hardened cement
and finish this minature garbage
in conditions more suited to the existence your after
should maybe give and get backwards
'fore your hands out and beggin'
I can't stand mouthy peasants so keep them lips on you muted
and I suggest you limit the usage
when it comes to your idiot actions
or I'll take over the limbs on who's stupid
and maneuver one's movements
to slap the bitch out you faster
than any whippin' your ass has ever witnessed you bastard
this class is close to the end,
went from chilled mode to intense and left you motionless friend
if I'm just a figment imagined why is you chokin' to death?
before your thinkin' can fathom that your outta oxygen man
there's no stench of breath comin' from the cough hole possessed
your optics are lost,
I watch 'em roll backwards in a noggin that's dense
crossed off, over and nailed
durin' a log on from Ex
where the dopest prevails when the complete opposites met.

[Exis]

Need to change my name to CopyPat...for feed atleast.

[Kin]

I got you dog...

disfigured in darkness,
a harmless limp figure with no ligament cartilage left
-Damn

crossed off, over and nailed
durin' a log on from Ex
where the dopest prevails when the complete opposites met.
-thatz a nice ender fa' sho'

overall thiz was pretty solid...thought lost a lil' steam in the middle..an tha structure was a lil' different...actually had to re-read a few of the linez in order to pick up how it was set up to flow...

But content is there...diggin' the style...Can tell you more of tha battle type...at least thatz wha' I picked up

Keep em' comin'

HoLLa

[Vulgar]

lol CopyPat puts in the time consistently and is friendly to other members here. Not really your style to be personable but that's completely fine.

Onto the verse, I thought it started off a little shaky but once you found your footing in the battle style, it was all uphill. I like your rhyming, reminds me of Freddie Fox and a rapper called BMS who worked with Masai Bey. (don't know if he made other music)

I think if you got more Wu Tang and unleashed that aspect of your personality, you'd do better. More imaginative, even flashy aggressive pieces, of course with that added bit of gutter raw. I still find it strange that you're a white guy.

this class is close to the end,
went from chilled mode to intense and left you motionless friend
^Nice.

[CopyPat]

i like reading your shit.
some parts were better than others. the beginning rhyme scheme was really good

Ex is known for his heart rippin'
from the victims he targets
like how he pulled out yours thru that large frickin
ditch in your carcass
I'm an overly hard hitter
better hope you is armed wit it
go 'head and picture the carnage as a totally fucked image
stripped of all charcoal flesh
disfigured in darkness,
a harmless limp figure with no ligament cartilage left
in a position that's far from best
is your predicament nigga
I'm a lyrical architect,
creatin' miracles bigger
than any in the biblical era


The problem you and I both have i think, is that we don't really say much. i mean if u really read this you didn't say anything.. i have that problem too with my "bragging shit". that's why i try to bring just more mundane real shit now lol.. like pof fat chicks.. drinking beer. being hungover.. and commenting on my own writing while im doing it.. while im eating food etc. lol. or mimicking other ppls styles or making fun of it. i've always thought u would be dope on a topical. something u cared about though.. not some half assed emo feeling shit but something real to u. i'de love to see it

[Plot]

I think this would have been done better in the paragraph format.
I think you should start fucking with that format Ex, a little change can make a difference.
It reads different. Its also kinda easier for the readers cuase we dont have to scrawl down so much and get to kinda see the multies/schemes a little more.
I liked the start felt it fell off, try para