Awake.

Certain · 07-20-2013, 05:11 AM

I never much figured myself for a ghost,
but transparency apparently develops alone.
I'm an open book, hopeless crook enveloped and stoned,
melodramatic and one hell of an addict.
I've leveled with loans,
but I'm better off broke.
My method in madness is wrestling sadness,
desolate moans caressing my throat as I'm stressed and I'm battered.
But you'll never quite shatter the rest of my hope.
I incessantly coax my head to the stone
but the sleep never comes, the eye sockets turn to gum.
Chewed up and spit out like the rest of this dump.
I'm buried by nothingness, confessing to none,
writing letters in Notepad,
the computer fan hums.
And the capillaries in my eyes start to burn as they burst.
I'm not depressed. I'm not depressed. I'm not depressed.
Take a turn for the worse.

Turn off the lights.

Vulgar · 07-22-2013, 12:15 AM

But you'll never quite shatter the rest of my hope.
I incessantly coax my head to the stone
but the sleep never comes, the eye sockets turn to gum.
Chewed up and spit out like the rest of this dump.
I'm buried by nothingness, confessing to none,
writing letters in Notepad,
the computer fan hums.
^Very relatable, and unpretentious.

You seem experienced with words. A crossover from storytelling if I'm reading into it correctly. Rhyming is an additive for you that you enjoy from time to time. Your focus is on more academic subjects. I could be wrong. Thanks for the feedback on my drop, and keep doing you.

Darth Yoda · 07-22-2013, 10:39 AM

Oy vey, point blank I'm off the fucking scale, I'm off the cuff I'm awesome I'm also tough as nails.

Very nice! I noticed your feed and had to see what the write that wrote that was writing written works. Yes, vulgar correct! You seem experienced! And I also agree with his commentary. Very smooth reading, didn't have to make up different word pronunciations in my head! Very good. Keep it up

Dove Dozer · 07-22-2013, 10:39 AM

This was pretty nice. Some great rhyming

Exis · 07-23-2013, 06:48 AM

I never much figured myself for a ghost,
but transparency apparently develops alone.
I'm an open book, hopeless crook enveloped and stoned,
melodramatic and one hell of an addict.
I've leveled with loans,
but I'm better off broke.
My method in madness is wrestling sadness,
desolate moans caressing my throat as I'm stressed and I'm battered.

^^Niceness.

What I quoted was slick...loved the flow and scheme, thought as a whole it was tight man.I haven't read anythin' from you before that I know of so this was an impressive first look at your work...very enjoyable shit.

...Stay upwards.

Split · 07-23-2013, 08:47 AM

I never liked Many Faces of Oliver Hart, maybe I should give it a proper listen.

This was very, very smooth.

I'm an open book, hopeless crook enveloped and stoned,
melodramatic and one hell of an addict.
I've leveled with loans,
but I'm better off broke.
My method in madness is wrestling sadness,
desolate moans caressing my throat as I'm stressed and I'm battered.

That was perfectly juxtaposed.

looking forward to reading more

07-20-2013, 05:11 AM	#1
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,066 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899406	Awake. I never much figured myself for a ghost, but transparency apparently develops alone. I'm an open book, hopeless crook enveloped and stoned, melodramatic and one hell of an addict. I've leveled with loans, but I'm better off broke. My method in madness is wrestling sadness, desolate moans caressing my throat as I'm stressed and I'm battered. But you'll never quite shatter the rest of my hope. I incessantly coax my head to the stone but the sleep never comes, the eye sockets turn to gum. Chewed up and spit out like the rest of this dump. I'm buried by nothingness, confessing to none, writing letters in Notepad, the computer fan hums. And the capillaries in my eyes start to burn as they burst. I'm not depressed. I'm not depressed. I'm not depressed. Take a turn for the worse. Turn off the lights. __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws. Last edited by Certain; 07-20-2013 at 05:37 AM.

07-22-2013, 10:39 AM	#4
Dove Dozer loose leaf bruce lee Join Date: Mar 2013 Posts: 1,077 Battle Record: 7-6 Rep Power: 1853216	This was pretty nice. Some great rhyming __________________

07-23-2013, 08:47 AM	#6
Split . Join Date: Aug 2013 Posts: 8,898 Battle Record: 27-22 Rep Power: 85899399	I never liked Many Faces of Oliver Hart, maybe I should give it a proper listen. This was very, very smooth. I'm an open book, hopeless crook enveloped and stoned, melodramatic and one hell of an addict. I've leveled with loans, but I'm better off broke. My method in madness is wrestling sadness, desolate moans caressing my throat as I'm stressed and I'm battered. That was perfectly juxtaposed. looking forward to reading more __________________ http://split8.yolasite.com

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07-22-2013, 12:15 AM	#2
Vulgar Razor-thin derision Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 4,422 Battle Record: 40-25 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night LIV - Gimmick Battle League (2x) - Write Week II - Art of Writing League - Storytelling And Topical Invitational Tournament - STI - Haiku Writer Challenge - GWL Picture Challenge(2x) Rep Power: 49604320	But you'll never quite shatter the rest of my hope. I incessantly coax my head to the stone but the sleep never comes, the eye sockets turn to gum. Chewed up and spit out like the rest of this dump. I'm buried by nothingness, confessing to none, writing letters in Notepad, the computer fan hums. ^Very relatable, and unpretentious. You seem experienced with words. A crossover from storytelling if I'm reading into it correctly. Rhyming is an additive for you that you enjoy from time to time. Your focus is on more academic subjects. I could be wrong. Thanks for the feedback on my drop, and keep doing you.

07-22-2013, 10:39 AM	#3
Darth Yoda Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 408 Battle Record: 6-2 Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF Rep Power: 20182439	Oy vey, point blank I'm off the fucking scale, I'm off the cuff I'm awesome I'm also tough as nails. Very nice! I noticed your feed and had to see what the write that wrote that was writing written works. Yes, vulgar correct! You seem experienced! And I also agree with his commentary. Very smooth reading, didn't have to make up different word pronunciations in my head! Very good. Keep it up

07-23-2013, 06:48 AM	#5
Exis ............ Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 3,934 Battle Record: 3-3 Rep Power: 0	I never much figured myself for a ghost, but transparency apparently develops alone. I'm an open book, hopeless crook enveloped and stoned, melodramatic and one hell of an addict. I've leveled with loans, but I'm better off broke. My method in madness is wrestling sadness, desolate moans caressing my throat as I'm stressed and I'm battered. ^^Niceness. What I quoted was slick...loved the flow and scheme, thought as a whole it was tight man.I haven't read anythin' from you before that I know of so this was an impressive first look at your work...very enjoyable shit. ...Stay upwards.