Exit The Buildin'

[Exis]

Yo,

Alive and on fire,
after survivin' times prior when I was cold as ice
should only have to tell you once
what others had done told you twice
which leaves thrice on the sidelines
doin' some very seldom stuff
like an odd ball child
wonderin' why acceptance sucks
as everyone has dodged his kind
'fore he'd even chanced his arm
may have got a chance to run if he could reject the shuns
they say the best is yet to come
so yeah just wait a sec...
let me go change my pen
in an exchange for lead
and rearrange your heads 'til you've lost all trace of scent
you can't compete with the force upon impact
but thrown from fifty floors off my rich pad's fuckin' railings can
have you on a fence impaled
lookin' directly at the place you left
back facin' the pavements cement,
frame stainin' my laced up jets.

[Geno]

up

[e11even]

I liked this for what it was. I think if you did more of what you did mid-way to the end at the start this would have been a lot more agressive. I liked it regardless. Keep dropping bro.

[david stern razor burns]

^Completely agree with double V. For what this was, it was totally fine. I think you accomplished what you wanted to here, as I really doubt that you sat down and spent any real amount of time on this piece. You had a bit of a rapid fire delivery in this one. The scheming wasn't as advanced as I've seen from you, which again tells me there wasn't much time put into this one. One piece of advice I could give you would be to maybe step of your vocabulary game a little, all of your word choices were quite basic and bland.

[Dope girl]

This was alright to me, I thought it could have been better
7/10

[Exis]

Your head could be better.

[PancakeBrah]

read to the part were you said 'alive and on fire' then died of cliche.

;-)

[Exis]

Let's keep the bullshit in your thread shall we...actually nah, up away.

[PancakeBrah]

oh shit just saw you said 'cold as ice'

died 2x via cliche

but wait

it's like

im alive on fire

but its cold as ice

so like...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

so like it's like i'm 2nd grade!

[CopyPat]

you're way better than this bro and you know it. never one to bullshit on my feedbacks, step it up! you probly keyed this in 5 mins.. i would post ur keystyle urges in the cypher section and save the new threads for your real efforts. looks like theres a lot of dope writing goin on in here right now, not inspiring?? probly too many pargraph shit for ya haha. also i'm still fown for that collab, send me whatever whenever

[Geno]

ok, so heres some feed where i didnt leave it before.

this had some really sick lines in it.
some were ok, others were nasty imo. examples...


Alive and on fire,
after survivin' times prior when I was cold as ice
should only have to tell you once
what others had done told you twice

this opening segment was nasty to me.
loved how you transitioned your syllables and it rolled smooth. had a real simple but effective way to grab the readers attention.

doin' some very seldom stuff
like an odd ball child
wonderin' why acceptance sucks

dug this cause i dont care who you are... everyone out there has been that odd ball child and felt unnaccepted before. its not until the oddball child grows up that he realizes acceptance is about confidence.. so in my eyes these days... acceptance is nothing, im confident enough to be like yo -if you dont accept me, the next person will. and hey -if the whole room doesnt accept me, its cause i go to hard for those fagits anyway. (just my two cents on the concept) -well written, again

the rest had a couple spots i enjoyed to. just wanted to throw those out there at you bro. 1