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05-12-2018, 08:03 PM
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#1 |
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Lime Life
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,978
Battle Record: 30-41
Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded
Champed - Lyric Olympics
- Summer Classic
Rep Power: 85235118   |
I am...
I keep...
Searching in mirrors, exploring in portals Begging the omnipotent, imploring immortals Try to creep through the back door of heaven No grace for a pleb, no pass for a peasant. Am I... Scum? The senseless one Huh? Is the best to come? *shrug* Let's get drunk *glug* The stench of rum. I keep... Digging in tunnels, running in circles I'm saying a lot...but none of it verbal I speak to myself, and I choose not to listen I drink from this doubt, and chew on contrition. I am... Contorted with fright A sordid delight This twisted fantasy Born in the night A tryst with blasphemy Distorting the light A sort of...listless vanity.
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime.  |
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05-12-2018, 08:05 PM
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#2 |
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Lime Life
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,978
Battle Record: 30-41
Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded
Champed - Lyric Olympics
- Summer Classic
Rep Power: 85235118 |
Wow those tags were quick lol
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
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05-18-2018, 10:08 PM
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#3 |
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Lime Life
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,978
Battle Record: 30-41
Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded
Champed - Lyric Olympics
- Summer Classic
Rep Power: 85235118 |
Up.
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
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05-18-2018, 11:10 PM
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#4 |
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consults Lloyd
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 4,053
Battle Record: 0-8
Champed -1-2 Punch League Roast
Rep Power: 39345604 |
This is good.
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05-19-2018, 12:07 AM
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#5 | |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 783
Battle Record: 2-1
Champed - Art of Writing League
Rep Power: 19584278 |
Ditto
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05-19-2018, 12:10 AM
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#6 | |
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Brother
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 518
Rep Power: 4919695 |
Quote:
Didn’t really fw the highlighted part. Choppy |
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01-30-2019, 12:50 PM
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#7 |
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R.Killsbury 3000
Join Date: Dec 2018
Posts: 2,299
Battle Record: 4-25
Rep Power: 8129215 |
This was a decent read, Witty.
I enjoyed this read, for it's sort of disdainful ordeal you portrayed yourself of having. You seem to be in a corner with your shadow or something...which is interesting. I rather enjoy your narrative style, and intellect. You also seem to have a sort of sarcastic tone with yourself; which is good. I don't think you're a pleb, I think you write a little better than that. But some of these lines indicate, you need more experience with things; but that's okay. I don't think you're scum, but you can be if you're not careful. Lines like 'creeping into heaven' were pretty cool..but you should've continued on such a route in your writing. More christian undertones, so to speak. But yeah, this was a poem - about you; - and I enjoyed it. Didn't seem too out there; nice one man. Good work on this one. Nice imagery as-well. I suppose you can work on your consistency with your undertones, but this was good. Nice, one. Keep writing! |
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09-09-2021, 08:16 PM
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#8 |
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Lime Life
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,978
Battle Record: 30-41
Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded
Champed - Lyric Olympics
- Summer Classic
Rep Power: 85235118 |
This deserves more.
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He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
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09-19-2021, 07:03 AM
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#9 |
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Banned
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,956
Battle Record: 6 - 14
Rep Power: 0 |
It's good but I've seen better from you in the past. More than a couple times. Don't have links right now.
You champed that league last year I believe? Write something new? |
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09-20-2021, 11:11 PM
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~*¡c0ck~0f-d4+w@Lk!*~
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 250
Battle Record: 1-2
Rep Power: 203862 |
Gay
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09-20-2021, 11:34 PM
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#11 | |
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HALL OF FAME
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: portal 7 to the 9th exponent
Posts: 16,160
Battle Record: 3-5
Rep Power: 0   |
The portal would say:
We don’t agree with your stance, but the flowy way you easily handled such immense context was great. Write more, Fox
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09-22-2021, 03:31 AM
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#12 |
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White Earl
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Philly Cat.
Posts: 12,354
Battle Record: 10-15
Accomplishments - Open Mic HOF (4x)
Champed - Netcees Writers League
- Write Week I
- Write Week 8
Rep Power: 50036761  |
No, you aren't
Dope shit tho. <3
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-A.bove T.he R.est |
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09-29-2021, 05:29 AM
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#13 |
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Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 53
Rep Power: 53114 |
This was really really good. Loved the conversational tone and poetic-tale throughout. Lots of highlights of a reflective nature.
I'm saying a lot...but none of it verbal I speak to myself, and I choose not to listen I drink from this doubt, and chew on contrition Those stood out to me the most because they’re so relatable. Write more. |
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10-18-2024, 10:19 PM
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#14 |
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Lime Life
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 16,978
Battle Record: 30-41
Accomplishments - Only Slightly Retarded
Champed - Lyric Olympics
- Summer Classic
Rep Power: 85235118 |
Fucking hell I was dope.
__________________
He listens to voices inside of his mind
Explicit and poisonous violent crime. |
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10-19-2024, 02:37 PM
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#15 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 450
Rep Power: 2172676 |
let me hear it
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| aero has a tiny asian cock, good grief this is terrible, please leave for good |
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