WEEK 3 MAG

[dull boy]

Introduction

And we're humming right along with 3 weeks down and a handful of new sign ins ready to get chewed up. This league is just picking up steam, but some of the cream is starting to rise to the top, with a few of our battlers with losses having the unfortunate task of facing some stiff competition. A lot of battles this week were won by razor thin margins. I think next week I'll probably begin doing a ranking in each mag. We only had 1 no show this week, as Coop vanished after Mac unleashed hell on him. This was the first week all of our battles had over 10 posts and I think most of you are getting the hang of the format.

I'd like to extend another thank you to everyone who has judged battles. It's a hell of a thing today to get 5 votes per battle in just 2 days and some change. When this league's season is over I'll be sure to do a call list of everyone who volunteered to judge and maybe DG will leave a heart on your visitor messages or something.

BATTLE OF THE WEEK

Frac Vs Hush

Best Exchanges

1

Hush
my life better than yours ... better check again
I’m trapping bricks at the Ramada ... bitch u gotta check me in
Ur life is stress every time a bill is past it’s due
I might be on borrowed time but ur living on borrowed cash from blue

Frac
Hows ur life better? Ur 5'2 with putrid speech
Youre a low level plug.. You know, the only kind you can reach
Ur wife gonna have to find a new man when the cops squander ur plans
He'll be raising ur kids while ur raising some chomo two bags of ramen a hand

lol Hush has some great comedic timing and it was on display in his opening bars. Frac's usage of the word borrow in his opener seems like a mistake in hindsight and Hush hit him with that topic that's been fairly relevant in discord. One judge said Frac's low level plug line was contender for line of the battle, and I agree. Everyone had to Google chomo but this is a great rebuttal.

2

Frac
Already battled him once. This punk was ate
Money talks? Then put urs where ur mouth is so you can enunciate
Unemployed. What a role model look this clowns pushin
Only diff between any day & take ur kid to work day.. Is maybe a couch cushion

Hush
U suck dick for a living bitch stop lying
If u took ur daughter to work that shit is a sex crime

Money talks angle was alright, but I wasn't much feeling the couch cushion bar. Thought Hush coming back just 10 minutes later here with only 1 bar was ballsy, but the line was lol and felt spontaneous, giving it an extra sting.

Frac
Only sex crime is how ur wife's a cheap ho, small fee to please those boners
Even on a slow day she gives out more hand jobs than a casino owner

Hush
I’m at the casino ballin like a young John Lennon
At work when u fold a pair ur making sure the Guests got clean linen
U ain’t a big boss u live in a trailer wit no driveway
Ya baby mom into sex traffick.. giving Handjobs by the highway

Frac's bar here was decent, but felt a little generic, even if it was dope. Hush's rebuttal tied in the hotel angle AND the casino reference from Frac's previous bar in a humorous way. Hush made two bars from referencing Frac's one and both were pretty fucking funny. Trailer with no driveway? lol

Frac
When u start rappin we're all laughin'
If he ballin like a young lennon im a big shot like mark chapman
First bullets to wound. Close range i dont need aim
Im pulling into the shoulder like when ur girl gives me a bj on the freeway

Hush
U eat penis for paydays ... all over ur t shirt cum shots splash u
When ur daughters old enuff to shoulder the load she’ll suck dick for cash too
Atleast I got a family at home .. ur lil girl growing up wit a disorder
U keep bringing up my wife when ur wife ain’t even bringing up ur daughter

Mark Chapman was the low hanging fruit here and it wasn't flipped particularly well with big shot. Pulling into the shoulder was a nice angle and well worded as a rebuttal to Hush's sex traffic line. Hush's wording was harsh and comedic, flipping the shoulder reference from Frac. Bringing up your daughter was possibly line of the battle. Brutal lol

Consensus

Judge's quotes

Frac by the narrowest of margins. It boiled down to better quality of the flips for me, and while these guys both knew what they were doing, it leaned in fracs favor the more they kept going.

Dope match though and I could absolutely see this going either way.

thought Frac brought more consistency throughout he had some nice flips and just overall stronger bars Hush got a little one dimensional with the daughter stuff

It was close, but (Frac) had a noticeable edge.

Majority seemed to believe Hush had an early lead in this battle which Frac slowly overcame as things wore on. This was one of my favorite in the 3 weeks the league has been going. Both did a nice job of directly refuting the previous bar and neither was pulling in punches in the content. Great battle, and either of these guys could've taken the win.

Verdict

2 judges had Frac slightly taking it, 1 thought he had it noticeably. 2 had Hush with a clear upper hand, even though it was close.

3-2 Frac wins

Blue Vs Des

Best Exchanges

1

Blue
the cell phone pitches have started hurting my ears mate
what, you’re gunna sell me on Service?! i’ve beat you for like 9 years straight!
still cryin’ over votes cuz you stink & ur shady
Grogu…you’re old as fuck but everybody thinks you’re a baby!

Des
phoning it in this week huh? ur plain fucking harmless dude
i work for t-mobile bitch. even in canada, i got more bars than u
so, u know the mando lore ryan. <— that’s a legit wp we’d hear from this guy
star wars references suit u since i gotta use the ‘force’ to make half of ur shit fly

Blue coming in with the tried and true cellphone angle at Des and pressing on old bruises at the same time. I hated Blue, 'stink and you're shady' set up lol but the punch itself was so effective it didn't matter much. Des' style is more subtle, I've noticed, and we get a sample of that leading off with the phoning it in jab. I loved the angle of clowning Blue's wp with a Barc like play that was highly relevant after Blue opened the door to Star Wars references. Des' punch, while not being overly eye popping conceptually, worked extremely well in the moment. Nice opening exchange.

2

Blue
a star wars/force bar?! it’s crazy the death my friend is getting
if my wp’s a Stretch yours is doing Yoga w/ Reed Richards during a 7th Inning
YOU wrote 'pencil vein ya' so don't try & act cocky kid
fuck ya wife so deep i put a beating on those ribs worse than Rocky did

Des
it’s like that wp starts off dope in canada but gets wack when it crosses the border
CaPiTaLiZe whatEvEr YOu WanT the shiT MaKes as mucH seNse as a trUmp SupporteR
u fucking WISH u wrote pencil vain ya...that’s the difference dude
Keeping it Rocky...i’m gonna whip out the eagle and use all 12 rounds to finish u

Blue jumps right on the perceived simplicity of Des' style with the effective Star Wars/Force bar lead. After another meh set up the punch is ironically kind of corny in the way he's accusing Des, but like Des' it works in the same way because of the format and moment in the battle. Loved the subtly of Pennsylvania and Rocky and the concept was dope coupled with the continuation on clowning on Des' wp. Des' rebuttal here was one of my favorites of the week. The relevance of the Trump supporter bar done in the capitalization format really drove home the concept and was a nice stab. Capping WISH was the cherry to Des' onslaught of subtle jabs. I wish the last concept hadn't been a boxing/rounds/gun reference.

3

Blue
thats rich coming from the guy i'm known for beating
fan service happens when someone complains their iPhone is overheating
your star wars angles are played out, tired and dead..
i'm going in a different direction now...like what the last boss that fired you said

Des
^^^ that fan bout to be ur only one cuz ur wack now; i realize
trust no one here would EVER argue that u aren’t known for beating guys
bitch, u lit ur saber first. my angles? i fucking hate this prick.
ur going in a different direction now? i assume that means away from dick...

Blue stays laying on that bruise of Des' past defeats and place of employment in a somehow constantly effective way. Loved how Blue tied it in from Des' previous mention of fan service. BEAUTIFUL, BLUE. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. Des flips it right back around and calls Blue gay for constantly having guys come second. The lit your saber first way of calling Blue out for going there particularly tickled me. That punch here was classically what I love about these battles so far. Turns the different direction angle around and it's hilarious.

Consensus

Judge quotes

Going into this, I would have assumed Blue was a clear favorite. But, Des surprised me.

each had some big misses too that I didn’t see coming. Blues closer. Des going after his lady’s thighs (we’ve seen her.. and she’s hot. No reason to try that angle.)

These guys kinda went back and forth with a great line and a bad line sandwiched together for their 4 line tradeoffs

Felt like for every solid flip Des had, blue flipped it better back to him and 'won' the exchange.

This battle was surprisingly hit or miss in spots. Both had a couple of complete whiffs, and each rebounded at different points in big ways to close the gap. Unfortunately for Des, 3 out of 5 judges thought Blue held his consistency a tad better and squeezed out another notch in his belt against Des. Tough to brag when the battle was this tight, though. Both did an excellent job with the concept of flipping as nearly every line was a great reference to a previous bar. Great battle.

Verdict

AND BLUE FINALLY LOSES.. a vote. 2, to be exact. 3 judges felt Blue was a little more consistent. 2 thought Des edged it slightly.

3-2 Blue wins

User Vs Inf

Best Exchanges

1

Inf
strap in as I bring fresh spins to this played writer
watch me bomb yea the countdown reminds u of a microwave timer
my bad, edged it last week.. get this bitch some help
we didn't think Adipose a threat unless it's that tissue to your health

User
This ain’t even a fight man, Inf loves a good right hand
The only concerning tissues here are hardened with jizz on his night stand
True, you remind me of microwaves, but I’m making it clear
It’s not the timer, you just write like you’ve suffered from radiation for years

Adipose; (especially of body tissue) used for the storage of fat. This type of wordplay has gotten a bit of a bad reputation, but when used effectively (as I think it was here) it's pretty damn clever. So props to Inf for finding that gem of a word to play off Ad and User's previous battle and User's weight. Wasn't a fan of the microwave bar, however. User's rebuttal was a brilliant example of containment after a nice bar. Not sure if it's even on purpose but, 'this isn't a fight' then mentioning 'a good right hand' but referencing it to masturbation instead of a fight was slick as hell. The play off of tissue was also well executed. The last bar's punch actually had me loling.

2

User
You’re fucking boring, I thought this would lead to worse
But honestly, the worst part of flipping your lines is trying to read them first
And you’re right, I’ll try any therapy that’s gettin’ me fit
Meanwhile this guys solution to every Escape Room is slitting his wrists

Inf
I keep it basic yes, weight angles needed to be made
I'm Boring Company but you get tunnel vision seeing a buffet
Talk 'Escape Room'. U bring walls down in a living space
Cause going out w/ a cut... beats a wrecking ball & forklift any day. (Last fat joke)

User's wording was great. The rhythm while reading his bars is easy to find and when you get to the punch it helps give it an extra kick. His bars here are a good example of not having to do too much to be effective. On the flip side of that coin is Inf with his boring company/tunnel vision angle that I was also digging. Sticking with the fat jokes here while cleverly rebutting User's escape room reference. Great wording and an excellent bar.

3

Inf
U gave Ad & I honest opinions. for that we're thankful
How lack of angles is our Achilles heel, like ur massive cankles
4 times a month? Lol. Not giving a shit is half the truth
U a shit-show everyday...I can't pull things outta my ass fast as you
...it's magic dude

User
For 20 years you’ve sucked, this guys text is the worst
If we combined your aliases, your win/loss looks like my blood pressure reversed
AGAIN, I guess y’all need reminding, I’m a veteran son
You know that angle you tried for 18 lines? Well, I just did it better in one

Loved Inf's opening bar in this couplet. The wording here was impressive, imo, as it was a lot to fit into a bar without it sounding so. 'That we're thankful/lack of angles/massive cankles' was some slick usage of rhyming that wasn't just thrown in for the fuck of it. Inf's first bar here was one of my favorites of the week. Going last in this format is a distinct advantage if it's used correctly, and User kind of encapsulated the entire battle into one bar by calling Inf out for beating that dead horse.

Consensus

Both had their highlights in this battle, but User was more consistent, a tad more humorous and effective. It's another tough loss for Inf, as he's faced top tier competition in his only 2 battles thus far.

Judge's quotes

was running circles around so and his last post summed it up perfect

Inf had some good bars but I think User had the better flips here throughout, Inf had a better attempt than last week though, but I just think he was too one dimensional. User kept it fresh in my opinion

Inf (again) relied too much on fat punches, even after he said he wouldn’t... and User did a good job calling him out on it

User's meta closer was probably the highlight for me. Thought infs Adverse reactions was dope, but the adipose was classic inf (let me Google that word I guess)

Verdict

All 5 judges thought User took this one, but it was close.

5-0 User wins

Dave Vs Seth

Best Exchanges

1

Seth
Ur bitch loves big bois, she h8s ur lil dick & loves to fuck bulls
If I’m going to the fridge I’m grabbin whip cream to suck out her butthole
Straight pussy, always been a band camp loser queer
Run!! If the drums start bangin you’re all over the field like ya senior year

Dave
I don’t think that ur her type and you won’t find a hotter bitch
But if you sucked cream out her anus it came from me and not the fridge
& Trust you to bring up band.. really true to form
Any excuse to start picturing a gang of dudes with the horn

I liked Seth's flip on Dave's fridge reference, and his crass style of wording is one of his strong suits, especially in this league. Not sure the sucking cream out her asshole worked, tho lol Last bar was another good flip off Dave with the steel drums. Loved the visuals in this bar, too. Under utilized in this group, imo. Dave's rebuttal was exactly what I thought it would be when I read Seth's first line and it didn't make it any less impactful, honestly lol Great flip. Last bar made me lol Great, easy wording and an excellent example of turning your opponent's words against himself.

2

Dave
Ask zuch; The shit you speak about kids is cheap
If it weren’t for parental issues you wouldn’t even have a win in this league
Cool GoT reference! Try write something I’ll really feel
The only horn ringing will be when I leave you slumped on ya steering wheel

Seth
That’s rich coming from u, only beat a nutjub crack baby that’s out the loop
U only ever won in this league because some chicken head didn’t stay in the Coop
I don’t even gotta take u out, rereading ur own loses feels sour
If you’re ever slumped on the steering wheel the cars been running for hours

That steering wheel line by Dave was lol Loved the angle of going at Seth for (through no fault of his own) taking advantage of Zuch's situation and Seth turned it around by rightfully pointing out Dave's win against a lower tiered opponent and while I liked the concept Seth tried with the running car angle, it didn't hit quite right.

Dave
Sour? After losing to Frac this fool came out crying
And At least running for hours is something I could actually do without dying

Seth
Loool. U’re a broke bish, to eat u gotta skip bus fare my guy
Running for hours is something you actually gotta do daily not to die

lol Idk this might be battle of the week. I loved this exchange. Both bars were fucking hilarious and excellent comebacks on the previous bar.

Consensus

Mucho props to Seth for actually rhyming more. It’s nice when people listen to critique.

Really it felt like anytime Seth queued up a good burn/flip Dave was waiting in the parking lot for it with a crowbar and a crazy look on his face.

Dave won he’s the most dangerous guy in this

each time you thought one guy was pulling ahead the other retorted and turned the tables. I think if I had to lean one way I’d lean towards Seth he just got the better of a few exchanges including the horn piece.

Rusty did a good job trimming his bars on the wording side, which has been a problem for him in weeks past.

Easily a contender for battle of the week, and it should be pointed out that Seth has been featured in each of the previous two. This was extremely close and it came down to two slight misses from Seth, the Renly and the 'cruz toward' bars that gave Dave enough of an advantage to claim the win.

Verdict

4 judges thought Dave barely came out on top while 1 thought Seth did enough to take it.

4-1 Dave wins

Adverse Vs Amen

Best Exchanges

1

Amen
It means to watch & “twit?” You’re stupid, guy. It’s means to supervise, this dumb ass is a joke,
As for parenting, you could never walk a mile in my shoes, it’s suicide, you’d collapse from a stroke.
This fag’ll get smoked, EASILY. The discord claim of “molesto” is absurd and it’s fake,
But if you’re “THE KID,” call me Ted Bundy after this battle as this bitch is left murdered from rape.

Adverse
So you came back by saying you ARE in fact a pedophile? Come on that’s shaky
A rapist/murderer but u forgot ur whole shtick is being a clown, John Wayne Gayce
I hang around lobbies..waiting for ur wife, Frac handin me the keys to suites
You hang around lobbies too..talking on a headset waiting for a game of 3v3

Amen's concept here isn't terrible, but the overdone wording unnecessarily draws it out without much point, as it doesn't add much to the line. Ad's retort here was clever and worded well, with John Wayne Gayce.

2

Amen
You couldn’t handle my wife, it’ll only be bootcamp with lots of sit ups and push-ups,
Fat fuck, it’ll take years for him to see results and discover his dick from under that Fupa!
You’re the real clown here w/ the swag of a kid, Pokémon shirts? we saw this mans pic,
Those homeless man kicks got our resident bum Finny looking like he owns his own home & he’s Rich.

Adverse
I got trash ass kicks? You’re trash on kicks, they all know I’m spittin the truth
Me and Finny both broke af, but worth way more of a listen than YOU
In everyone’s mind, it was obvious that I would tear this pussy
Come through and stomp U, leave Andy all over my boots like Sheriff Woody

Amen's bars are so long it feels like double the amount of Ad's. Really not a fan of the fupa bar. The Finny concept is alright, but the wording on the last line of it is so drawn out it bogs the concept down. Ad's trash on the kicks flip was dope and concise and Sheriff Woody was line of the battle.

Consensus

This was another battle that was surprisingly close.

Interesting battle. different styles. Amen did a great job with internal rhymes, but was REALLY bad on wording overall

Amen was dropping unspittable lines throughout. If they could be spit, they’d be twice as long as the bar limit. I’m sorry, but that doesn’t work.

Ad's testosterone shots was answered pretty well by amen, but Adverse turning it into his own stomach curl flip was solid. After this amen got weird. Either too wordy or too easy a concept.

Verdict

5 judges thought Adverse was good and Amen killed himself

5-0 Adverse wins

Dull Vs Bleak
(reviewed by Blue)

Best Exchanges

1

Bleak
Never witnessed sports clearly. i thought that was fickle
catch u headed home and throw em, he's caught in a pickle.
You're fuckin right bitch we the freezing & coldest
&this weapons so big Mr Freeze couldn't hold it.

Dull
That shit is a force. You might witness a miracle; no one witnesses sports.
I'm just getting warm. If y'all the freezing and coldest then it's stiff in a morgue.
My image adored. I am too cute. Bleak? Any pickle be cropped to remove dude.
If you're rundown it's not a pursuit; you just not in a good mood.

I really like this couplet from Dull. Wording in the first bar is dope and it plays great off of not only Bleak previous Mr Freeze bar, not Bleak opening ice cold Texas line line was nice . Great mix of swag wording with a cool punch. The pic'll wordplay in the second bar has been done but I dug the rundown concept as a whole

2

Bleak
U thinking Undertaker? tombstone, chokeslam and ride smoke fast
this aint that. I'll put hands under the cap til ya eyes roll back
You the pursuit of happy type. A mellow vibed soft one
&you'd get rundown in the jungle, i'm Rock with a shotgun

Dull
If my eyes roll back it’s to spite those taps. You softer than dog turds.
You be rock with a shotgun. I’ll be rap with a mossberg.
Happy type lol See my avy, guy. That the grin of a friend?
If I’m letting anything mellow it’s my piss in your head.
that sits on your neck

The eyes roll back undertaker bar is cool conceptually and worded well, although I don't think it's necessarily an impactful play off of dulls previous bars. I also loved dulls wording on his second followup bar. The rock/rundown was a cool attack line and play off dulls "Rundown" bar above

3

Bleak
THIS drip is not icy. It runs down my chest when she flinch
I'll snatch that chain. Only thing sittin on necks is your bitch
you holding the pump? Ill sneak behind and kill this geek kid.
In the streets, following Moss on rocks like a pilgrim secret

Dull
Geek kid lol Please, bitch. I'm athletic with a jumbo cock.
If you swinging a big head it's 'cause you broke your Funko Pop.
I'm out of your league; 20 thousand if you want a degree.
You ain't grasping jewels unless your book club's on Under The Sea.

Dulls opener is swagggg. Love the combo of self hyping his own dick while using a dope big head / funko pop meta. The followup punch while a bit obscure i quote liked as well and worked well playing off bleaks snatch your jewels bar

4

Bleak
I damage domes, fill ya house w fragile bones and head matter
Im the headmaster, get ya face caved in from the head of this sledgehammer
I'm bookin clubs for blowouts. Bitches, bottles and paid out sections
We know you're fuckin sus by the fact that you made that reference.

Dull
Sooo
You're a fucking HEAD master who'll soften my bone.. but it's MY ref that was sus lol
Lemme get this straight (since you ain't) in this case.. is 'head matter' cum?
Reading your dome damaging 'blowout' I thought I'd never touch my turn
'cause I had to pause and, 'no homo', every other word

Pretty loose 'flip' by Bleak as it's kindle just playing off head, but his wording on both bars is pretty dope. Not bangers but while worded smooth bars that have a swag to them. Lmao... in hindsight the bar was pretty no homo and both bars are funny plays on that. Dulls wording and internal refs such as blowout were strong again and this response was the funniest of the battle

Consensus

Judge quotes

Dope battle. Both had really solid wording, concise punches... and quick responses. Lots of obscure references that I happened to like. I knew this would be fun to read when Dull dropped a multi-bar Greedo punch that seamlessly worked in the Kool Aid Man and Wu Tang Clan out the gate.

bleak was a breath of fresh air. Flow was perfectly done throughout.. Would have worked perfectly over a beat. His punches weren’t super complex, but sometimes simplicity works well. And I thought it did for him here.

(dull) obviously had a focus on wording as well, with a specific emphasis on intra-bar multi’s... socially distanced/Covid restrictions.. greedo/steezo, etc. You could tell that Dull was focused on every syllable, and that matters IMO.

All in all, I think it was relatively equal in terms of wording/flow.. Dull was slightly better in playing off Bleak’s drops.. and slightly better wit-wise.

I really fucked with the Texas winter/space heater exchange but did not get the social distance exchange at all. That was kind of the story of this battle for me.

I thought bleak was more consistent but dull had harder hits.

I got bleak but it’s close. He had more traditional battle concepts.

Verdict

1 judge felt Dull took it easily, 2 thought he had a slight edge, and 2 thought Bleak did enough to eek out the victory

3-2 Dull wins

New Battlers this Week

Defiant

I was cautioned against letting this dude in the league because of incessant no shows, but he assured me he would show and got himself a battle... which he no showed, but we're going to give him ANOTHER chance.

Don't fucking no show, BUDDY. @Defiant

Swerve

Swerve also no showed last week. Says he didn't understand the time aspect of the league, but he has it now.

Don't fucking no show, BUDDY @Swerve

Resin

Resin also no showed last time he signed in... says he didn't understand the time aspect of the league, but he has it now.

Don't fuckin... whatever

Lenox

No idea who Lenox is. No one else does, either, apparently. Good luck to you.

Fraze

Fraze is more known as a topical writer, but if I recall correctly he had a few battles in the NBL... where he was one of the most consistent voters, which I'm learning to appreciate after breaking all these battles down. Kudos to you, sir.

Lars/Baron Mynd/Dank/Diablo

Lars the 5'7 is the most prolific writer of our time, a legend of bareknuckle boxing, classically handsome in an overweight Colin Farrell with AIDS playing a goblin in trolls kind of way. He's a great shit talker, well versed in writing and text history so he should fare well with this format.