deadman, yellow lights

[dead man]

i mean


you talk at me constantly, I'm not saying a word
its safe to say we're absurd. hold my hand and help me mature
any memoir is hers. she wrote a lecture reserved
for when i finally had my wisdom teeth caressing the curb
let us observe: what a fucking stupid way to begin
buzzing gin and water. bodies naked as sin
lakeside out in Salem. dragonfly in a plastic jar
cancer sign vs. capricorn, analyzing our battle scars
Carolina to Santa Barb. appetizing like applesauce
patronizing as aunties are, can't subscribe to the catalogue
asinine how i rattle on i'll keep it in silence
building bridges off this island.. just to set them aflame
fire and friendship the same. they're only what you sustain
reaping what you sow like karma, barley or grain
met the devil, Georgia-bound, in Autumn or May
i couldn't sell my soul but there's a market for shame
screeching in solitude as our harmony wanes
it feels like autism how our talks are restrained
to methodic behavior. textbook model procedure
we had the same preschool teacher, playing follow the leader
im not a preacher. not a pacifist, not a believer
bottling ether measured by the volume in liters
Chaka Khan in the speakers for those strangers at hand
waiting for a yellow light to brake up the dance
snake in the grass. make me a man, like Eve in the dark
no more meat on the carcass. time to eat out your heart
if i see what you are its only part of the plan
dragged off to France just to write 'au revoir' in the sand
that Honore traffic plus a letter from SHE
has me crossing intersections going 73
hallucination fluctuating all direction and speed
watching traffic signals shimmer turning yellow to green
crack, flashing lights. the taste of metal and blood
blackness piercing pitchy whistle breath in your lungs
exhale. let me go. let me melt into mud
you'll never be okay with what you'll never become.


im sorry

[Mr. J]

This was a smooth piece from beginning to end
I really enjoy your word choices when it comes down to it
makes me want to take up smoking cigarettes again
insomnia and a mixture of wordplay would benefit me nicely
but you have a great control of how you handle things
nice work my dude, I'd elaborate more but I should be off here soon
consider this an obligated bump

[big baby]

i couldnt even finish reading this.

wasnt bad

wasnt amazing.

you're a great writer. just, a few lines

were, a bit allegorical and akin to my reality

if you would have just said everything i think of on a daily basis this would be spooky, but what im trying to say is

some lines hit home.

cancer/capricorn
teacher
autism talks


read a bit more

chaka khan in speakers, nice lol

sometimes i think what most readers do is find a thin connection with you, the tiniest grasp possible and when you hit the nail on the head, sometimes, readers - when pertaining to their own wits, their own realities, they can make a connection with you -the author. an ordinary line, that iwouldve read that didnt have a connection to me can be super dope to the next person (generally what happens, but dont get me wrong i think you're a great writer) but some of these lines just hit home, in a metaphorical way, and maybe one of them, head on. it's human connections, and when you say them, we wished we had said them, because - well im not speaking for everybody who has liked something you say, but when it happened in this instance, i was already thinking about it, you just said what was on my mind. and it was just lovely to hear someone that doesnt have any clue what you're thinking about just connect with you. dope stuff. i would nominate, but based on other factors, i probably will decide not too. i am very strict with nominations, in any case. this was a stellar read. i didnt read it all yet, but my eyes skimmed over couplets that stood out to me. i wil read in its entirety later.

[Witty]

I'm not sure I understood completely what bb was trying to say, but I do agree that you are the writer I read the most who makes me think "Oh shit, I think like that, I WISH I had said that, why didn't I say that???" and I think it's because I can't say it, not like you do, so when I read you saying it, it hits home harder because I can relate to the thought and where your mind was probably at when you wrote it, but can't articulate it myself in the same way you do...I think this is why you connect with other writers in the way that you do, because you say things they wish they could say, or feel like saying, but can't put it down on paper/monitor in such an articulated fashion.

[NYCSPITZ]

HOF nom

no longer precocious because you're almost 25, but a growing style and maturity of wording like bourbon aged in an oak cask. Liked how you bob in and out of a self-narrative ending in death to allegory and metaphor. Whistle breath shit was hot, zodiac shit was hot, just dope in general.

9.66/10

[Rawn MD]

Black

I have not been active, but when I se ur OM as top post in front page, I feel compelled

Not ur best peice, but far from bad

U set the bar high for urself though, and this u already know

The style, scheme, and delivery (the way I read it) was different from ur norm, more bled thoughts, not that it didnt work, bc it did just varyied from the norm, which is cool.

What I truly enjoy about ur writing is how u get these deep thoughts expressed though being brief af

Less is more with u, and u do it very well

The lines that resonated the most with me...were

"fire and friendship the same. they're only what you sustain"
"i couldn't sell my soul but there's a market for shame"
..and ur closer

Def enjoyable, and I am happy I peeped.

[Wise Wiggles]

liked a lot of things about this

lakeside out in Salem. dragonfly in a plastic jar
cancer sign vs. capricorn, analyzing our battle scars
Carolina to Santa Barb. appetizing like applesauce
patronizing as aunties are, can't subscribe to the catalogue

^ that shit was fire I don't care what no one say

Keep giving us goodies bro

I'm about to go back read some of yours I've missed lately also

[big baby]

the amount of attention nyc seeks from me is unnerving, and the amount of time he dedicates on the precise definition of words, is why he is just a mid-to-sometimes high tier writer in only this realm of writing. which places him in the lower bracket among other writing (most likely was him that gave me some nonsensical rep/neg commentary)

but what i meant was, i dont think that i cant articulate the way deadman does. in fact i know i could do it better (no offense, really) hes an awesome writer and it would actually be boring without him here, not even here, just in general, a world with no deadman would just be boring, the next top tier writer would be certain or someone like that and its just boring, i like to be enticed. ive written things similar to this, with the same wording and concepts, i have ideas that are worded like this. to see someone else just an inch away (not in writing mechanics) but on an actual emotional keel is pretty impressive to me. it makes me feel not alone. my coalition of writers and deadman, and sometimes pancake/certain are the only 'hip hop' writers on the internet that sorta get this, sometimes. oats i guess too, and a few others, but deadman is on the top of that list. and he didnt dilute shit. he didn't say random things (he did) but he created a process for it. he created a world that is relatable. and this is probably the first time deadman has actually connected with me. other times, i just love some of his couplets and his writing overall is just stellar, but i dont find that connectivity. but to say a sentence and have someone else just finish your thought off - its just a singular feeling. this is good stuff.

[Zen]

bb never mentions me when he mentions good writers which irritates me for some reason. Whatever, big baby.

This was cool black. I'm shitfaced right now so I'll try and elaborate later.

[Strikta]

I read this. Felt the shit out of it too.

Black we gotta collab man.

[NYCSPITZ]

Originally Posted by big baby

the amount of attention nyc seeks from me is unnerving, and the amount of time he dedicates on the precise definition of words, is why he is just a mid-to-sometimes high tier writer in only this realm of writing. which places him in the lower bracket among other writing (most likely was him that gave me some nonsensical rep/neg commentary)

but what i meant was, i dont think that i cant articulate the way deadman does. in fact i know i could do it better (no offense, really) hes an awesome writer and it would actually be boring without him here, not even here, just in general, a world with no deadman would just be boring, the next top tier writer would be certain or someone like that and its just boring, i like to be enticed. ive written things similar to this, with the same wording and concepts, i have ideas that are worded like this. to see someone else just an inch away (not in writing mechanics) but on an actual emotional keel is pretty impressive to me. it makes me feel not alone. my coalition of writers and deadman, and sometimes pancake/certain are the only 'hip hop' writers on the internet that sorta get this, sometimes. oats i guess too, and a few others, but deadman is on the top of that list. and he didnt dilute shit. he didn't say random things (he did) but he created a process for it. he created a world that is relatable. and this is probably the first time deadman has actually connected with me. other times, i just love some of his couplets and his writing overall is just stellar, but i dont find that connectivity. but to say a sentence and have someone else just finish your thought off - its just a singular feeling. this is good stuff.

wut.

what u said made no sense tho. Also ur not that good due to the imprecision, you convey emotion okay but you're too ambiguous, placing you in low top tier forever and in the C-B minus range for essays at an ivy league school whereas I'd get A's.

[NYCSPITZ]

Originally Posted by big baby

the amount of attention nyc seeks from me is unnerving, and the amount of time he dedicates on the precise definition of words, is why he is just a mid-to-sometimes high tier writer in only this realm of writing. which places him in the lower bracket among other writing (most likely was him that gave me some nonsensical rep/neg commentary)

but what i meant was, i dont think that i cant articulate the way deadman does. in fact i know i could do it better (no offense, really) hes an awesome writer and it would actually be boring without him here, not even here, just in general, a world with no deadman would just be boring, the next top tier writer would be certain or someone like that and its just boring, i like to be enticed. ive written things similar to this, with the same wording and concepts, i have ideas that are worded like this. to see someone else just an inch away (not in writing mechanics) but on an actual emotional keel is pretty impressive to me. it makes me feel not alone. my coalition of writers and deadman, and sometimes pancake/certain are the only 'hip hop' writers on the internet that sorta get this, sometimes. oats i guess too, and a few others, but deadman is on the top of that list. and he didnt dilute shit. he didn't say random things (he did) but he created a process for it. he created a world that is relatable. and this is probably the first time deadman has actually connected with me. other times, i just love some of his couplets and his writing overall is just stellar, but i dont find that connectivity. but to say a sentence and have someone else just finish your thought off - its just a singular feeling. this is good stuff.

but your emotional keel is unimpressive. You troll online and in real life and you're a narcissist who overrates himself in everything like ill nika. Why would somebody without depth to his soul write depthful shit? U can't b/c u don't have 1

[big baby]

you'd be hard pressed to find anybody who believes what you're saying or agrees with you. what I said makes sense, you're just not keen. emotional keel. oh he trolls online!!!! whoa. "must be this sort of person, I know this cuz im so smart." You are an idiot and know nothing of what I do. You did not attend said ivy school, correct? Do you know what school I attended? you do not. it wouldnt matter if I didn't graduate 8th grade. for you to be comparative is a reminder and indicator that you are insecure. it's ok. people don't like not being nowhere near the level of writing as a makeshift baby. You are many levels below me. Keep writing about japanese war stories and describing how blood drips on someone's armor while relating to some philosophical exploit. you're dope in that japanese samurai romance genre. you own it. and the feed was for deadman, which im sure he appreciates more coming from me, than you, honestly. and he understood it, which is no surprise being that he's actually a good writer. he isnt a loser stalker Internet hip hop poet who prides himself im being some savvy salesperson. you're garbage.

literally 3% of people like your writing. you're known for arguing with one of the best writers online whos also the funniest and most obviously aware troll. This is the internet. I own it, and you.

[mimic]

Damn. This was dope. Everything about this felt heartfelt.

"lakeside out in Salem. dragonfly in a plastic jar
cancer sign vs. capricorn, analyzing our battle scars"

Wow. That was sick. Real poetic and vivid. You had all the fundamentals and this piece actually inspires me to write more. Keep up the good work man! Dope shit.

[Sinacog]

I thought this was a good read, Dead Man; - lol.

You had a lot of good lines, a lot of one-liners I mean. Everything seemed to get intot] of place, onto the note-pad which is good. I enjoyed your sort of eye-lash towards your girl other in this written. At the end, you say she'll never be you; - which is a good way to end with. You have a good use of metaphor and personification in this; - and you use it to your advantage. I'm a fan of your work. Your multi-syllabic rhyme are always a charm, as-well as your imagery. Nothing really bad to say. Sometimes there's a bit of filler words; that you could exclude; - but other than that - this was class man. Good work on this. Keep writing!