i feel like i shit out a giant pear

[uh-oh]

i try not to talk to much about my bowel movements anymore, but da god is hurting over here yo.

you ever take a shit, and its just, like, there is no way its gonna fit?

like i felt like i had a baseball right inside my butthole. i decided i'll take my time, smoke, and read to let my butthole relax and pass this giant piece of POOP. well like 15 minutes went by, and my butthole was just open to the limit basically.

like you know how chicks give birth, and you can see the babys head, but you know there is head hidden 360 degrees around the vagina, and that vaginal cavity needs to open like 30 percent more for this baby to push out

well thats how this was, except with a giant dry sharp chunky turd.

so i was getting worried. like shit. maybe i should try and suck this thing back up in me and maybe it will break down or something, but i figured, what if it got more added too it????? then i would never be able to pass this.

longstory short tho i basically shit out a baseball, with a tail. the tail being soft terrible mushiness.

it was the worst experience of my 25 years. wiping couldnt save me. my butthole was blown out and tender, and to make matters worse just covered in mud. the type that you cannot wipe away.

so i just wiped as good as possible and showered immediately afterward.

basically im letting random people on the internet know, because hours later i am still sore and i had to let someone know the trauma i endured this morning.

yesterday i ate like 8 sausage links for breakfast. than nothing until the game at 4:30, at which time i ate an entire bag of ranch hot wing doritos. then i ate a cheeseburger, and around midnight i ate a giant plate of pizza rolls.

LIKE A DOCTAH