i feel like i shit out a giant pear

[uh-oh]

i try not to talk to much about my bowel movements anymore, but da god is hurting over here yo.

you ever take a shit, and its just, like, there is no way its gonna fit?

like i felt like i had a baseball right inside my butthole. i decided i'll take my time, smoke, and read to let my butthole relax and pass this giant piece of POOP. well like 15 minutes went by, and my butthole was just open to the limit basically.

like you know how chicks give birth, and you can see the babys head, but you know there is head hidden 360 degrees around the vagina, and that vaginal cavity needs to open like 30 percent more for this baby to push out

well thats how this was, except with a giant dry sharp chunky turd.

so i was getting worried. like shit. maybe i should try and suck this thing back up in me and maybe it will break down or something, but i figured, what if it got more added too it????? then i would never be able to pass this.

longstory short tho i basically shit out a baseball, with a tail. the tail being soft terrible mushiness.

it was the worst experience of my 25 years. wiping couldnt save me. my butthole was blown out and tender, and to make matters worse just covered in mud. the type that you cannot wipe away.

so i just wiped as good as possible and showered immediately afterward.

basically im letting random people on the internet know, because hours later i am still sore and i had to let someone know the trauma i endured this morning.

yesterday i ate like 8 sausage links for breakfast. than nothing until the game at 4:30, at which time i ate an entire bag of ranch hot wing doritos. then i ate a cheeseburger, and around midnight i ate a giant plate of pizza rolls.

LIKE A DOCTAH

[Destroyer]

raisin bran son
look into it

[Hush]

Lmaoooooo

Cot dayum

[Greed]

Rectum tag is the cherry on top for this thread

[veritas]

Lift your legs up when you poop. Like squat. Look into it bro.

[Allen Knight]

lmaoooo

[Diode]

i read giant bear and was kind of excited to read this

[Witty]

I actually had a similar experience after lots of codeine...didn't shit for a couple of days and when it did it felt like i was pushing the great wall of china out of my rectum.

[veritas]

http://squattypotty.com/

[Strikta]

Lol @ this.

It happens.

[Legion Of Cocks in my mouth]

this is the realist shit Ive read all day

[KennyCerealBowl]

Damn the struggle is real.

That feeling when your taking a big sharp one and when that shit is half way down ur ass u suck it back up.
ughhhh then you wipe nd its a pretty clean shit but theres like little spots of blood on it.
The struggle is fuckin real...

[Objective]

Originally Posted by uh-oh

basically im letting random people on the internet know, because hours later i am still sore and i had to let someone know the trauma i endured this morning.

Not sure if true, but I heard somewhere that it's due to shits like these etc. the sphincter muscles or whatever gets fucked up and there's nothing to do about it, also the reason to why old people shits themselves and can't always control it due to dozens of trips to the toilet like the one you just had. Just want you to know that you're now one toilet trip closer to shitting yourself a little bit daily.

[Neighbor]

Do a cleanse, man

Real talk

[Legion Of Cocks in my mouth]

He called the shit poop!

[dull boy]

I've been there. You can almost tell when it's going to go down like this, but when it comes there's really no bracing. I've had my hands on the walls before. Trying to relax the muscles helps.

As previously mentioned, I eat Raisin Bran daily and it's been a while since my last shit baby.

[El Muffin]

yooooo lmfaaoooo

the fkn genuine advice from veritas just fucking slaughtered me

thanks guys

[veritas]

It's true science bro.

[Batty]

gone @ epcot center turd