Thread: ZenLand
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Old 01-29-2013, 07:19 PM   #10
Split
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 8,904
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pretty cool. thought only noticable hiccup was where you placed "ferns and moss"

They betray our needs, They want you to pray and plead
Well I ain't gonna rephrase my speech, Because one day we'll meet
And I'll slay those peeps with proud scholars turned to brave soldiers
They say we're free when the founding fathers were slaveholders

that was dope, strongly worded. might not be perfect or the strongest content, but there were some good quotes mixed in that show you'll improve quick. at least it's your own words, more than i can say for some people..

and I like the concept behind it. maybe throw in some more complex multis to make it feel more tied together from line to line, like the schemes were landing really hard on meet/need/ those single syllable rhymes

keep keyin dude, I'll be looking for future drops
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