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Old 08-17-2015, 11:12 PM   #9
Vulgar
Razor-thin derision
 
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25

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Innovator - The first stanza brought to mind those movies where the vampire has acute vision and a heightened sense of vision, scent, and hearing. There were effective, impressionist painting-like observations, giving the impression that this shepherd might be asleep and dreaming. Or maybe he is having a case of the sun stroke, or the moonlight fever, from being awake all night, watching his flock. I feel that most of your poetry needs a serious editing, but you have the ability to get published because you're slick with the poetic pen. I could definitely help you with that, with a clean glossing over of grammar, a couple of tips here and there. Let me know cuzz.

Ullr - Your rhyming is sick. You have the ability to match line for line in girth, richness of detail and focus on the topic at hand. It's almost reminiscent of sraL, and even though he may be your fellow competitor, I'm sure he would partially tip his hat in this instance. I thought it was good, if a bit expected. Once the ball got rolling, the two things which stood out as enjoyable were the pacing and storytelling and the boisterously happy sentiment of the narrator. I don't know...it was a tasty Caesar salad of a verse. (Yes, verse, even though you're capable of poetry too. :) )

I'm going to vote for Innovator.

His cool observations gained leverage over Ullr's sharp storytelling. It's a preference for me when writers grind their gears and reverse engineer something, whatever it is - deconstructing a sand castle - while another person might be content to discuss how it was built in the first place, in concise terms. I will usually lean towards the mystical and the more daring explorer. Keep it up, Ullr.

Battle of the week.
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