UnbornBooty: You have great single lines, like allot of them. The line about children and benevolence was great, and the flow on the diaphragm line was very, very good (I will say the follow up line was a bit awkward though). As always, this was a verse with a message, and as always it has a very Buddha message about trying to not be sooooo human. I feel ya. Urges are terrible, man.
I really have two main complaints about this verse. One, is there were some typo’s in here which is fine if you’re writing a verse unlike this, but when you’re using big ass words (which are spelled right) and you write “do” instead of “due”, I’m like why should I listen to this guy? Lol It’s not that big of a deal, just a small gripe. The second complaint is the length. This verse could’ve been allot stronger if it said the same amount in fewer lines, and I know that’d be difficult but it’d be worth it, brah.
dead man: Wowzer.
From the start this was epic. The first two lines is one of the best couplets of yours that I can remember but it was solid throughout. You’re great at painting pictures with words. The goal, the cigarettes, hell I even saw the alcoholic mom without a description of her. You’re good, man. Real good, and if I’m being honest I’ve got nothing bad to say about this except that maybe it was a little weaker towards the end. A little.
Cool battle guys.
V/dead man with the fear in the back of my mind that he continues to write sad odes to SKATE and we might miss out on some of Buddha’s epic works.
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