View Single Post
Old 04-24-2015, 02:08 PM   #4
NYCSPITZ
SYRACUSE
 
NYCSPITZ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,033
Battle Record: 31-37


Champed
- Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament

Rep Power: 4743543
NYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant futureNYCSPITZ has a brilliant future
Default

braaapp.

Dope battle. UB nice lines in there like:

I’m halfway between rational and the brink of delirium’s edge

^^^good wording

I tried to suppress my urges and be a normal hetero erotic through pseudo-logic.
My androgynous anima has its own vendetta often

^^ dope flow and cool @ androgynous anima reminds me of Jung but anima is supposedly a feminine aspect so how can it be androgynous unless it's a mix of animus and anima? Probably saying the anima is in turmoil would be more accurate here.

All in all I thought it was good. I didn't think you developed the character enough here and I felt no sorrow or emotion at all to be honest when he killed himself. Thought u should've focused more on maybe his pedophilia than a train of thought. Some of it came off as superfluous. I liked your verse from the other round better to be real, but it's still a pretty good one. Thanks for the read.

Deadman's was dope. Seeing his childhood friend, reminiscing of their days playing tony hawk then not saying what up due to the incipient chasm created by age and pathways chosen. Thought it was a great depiction of Dostoevsky's underground which I prefer to Frued's ego/Id because Freud was a loser obsessed w dicks but Dostoevsky was a straight G and could write like a champion. The insecurities, the subtle shading of thought, even the way you brought shit like AIM into it was cool. Thought the ending was really good. Lotta dope rhymes like varial flips and what not. You do a really good job at changing atmosphere to set up a dope ending here.

V/ Deadman
__________________
UNIFIED THEORY

Last edited by NYCSPITZ; 04-24-2015 at 02:10 PM.
NYCSPITZ is offline