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symetrik · 11-24-2023, 05:58 PM

Candy

Thanks for posting. As usual, I struggled to see the cohesion of your piece, and although some parts of it felt like an abstraction of the topic in a good way, most of it leaned into drug-infused uncertainty.

Adherence: 5/10 - I think some points were tied to the topic, but they were not enough to make me feel like the entire bit was adhering.

Creativity: 7/10 - as all things go, this is gonna be your highest score because, to me, creativity means uniqueness, abstraction, a fresh new idea, etc. - if it were more cohesive, this would probably be higher. or maybe the same...

Emotional: 2/10 - slightly sour taste. I think the picture of the topic had the potential to pull out some solid and aggressive emotions, and although I see you using some emotional words, I don't feel the emotion.

Technical: 3/10 - I think your technical skill doesn't translate to the way I read it - there are strange moments where things click and line up, then it's gone again.

Favourite lines
"This little tumbleweed says ya'll don't have shit on me"

I think this was the most on-topic line of the entire verse and could have unfolded to something great - the idea of her being hardly noticed, as mundane as a tumble weed, and using that to her advantage... ah well.

---

Diablo

Thanks for posting. Not your usual heavy hitter, but I recognize (1) the topic and (2) the fact that it's just an impromptu lil' writing sesh affects that. Although there was perhaps some more potential depth to the picture of the topic if you had continued writing, I suspect you would have landed within it - I think you wrote more towards the quote than the picture.

Adherence: 8/10 - strongly adhered, very on "daughter" topic, the picture just felt slightly unused and would have loved to seen it incorporated.

Creativity: 5/10 - not gonna call this creative when it's a common story, no matter how personal. I was born with that shit around my neck too, and I'M FINE I GUESS.

Emotional: 8/10 - I think this is a topic of emotion for both of us for different reasons, but I think someone outside of that context may not get the feels as much. obviously could have cranked it up, but for what it was, it hit - perhaps utilizing the style of the painting to influence the amount of emotion...

Technical: 7/10 - in general, this was a very different feel for you, but I'm also used to seeing your finals pieces. still mostly technically on point, just a few weird choices that threw me off a little.

Favourite lines
zero shade but the lines just aren't doing it for me.

lame to pick the last lines but honestly these are the ones:
"I remember standing beside you gazing happily
I hadn’t just became a dad, you went and made a man of me."

again, not a dig, it just felt like a fluidly told story more than what my brain expects "poetry" to feel like so it never really felt like "oh this specific part stands out", rather the entire piece was cohesive and mellow.

mvgt/votw - Diablo

11-24-2023, 05:58 PM	#30
symetrik Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Posts: 544 Battle Record: 5-7 Rep Power: 8664751	Candy Thanks for posting. As usual, I struggled to see the cohesion of your piece, and although some parts of it felt like an abstraction of the topic in a good way, most of it leaned into drug-infused uncertainty. Adherence: 5/10 - I think some points were tied to the topic, but they were not enough to make me feel like the entire bit was adhering. Creativity: 7/10 - as all things go, this is gonna be your highest score because, to me, creativity means uniqueness, abstraction, a fresh new idea, etc. - if it were more cohesive, this would probably be higher. or maybe the same... Emotional: 2/10 - slightly sour taste. I think the picture of the topic had the potential to pull out some solid and aggressive emotions, and although I see you using some emotional words, I don't feel the emotion. Technical: 3/10 - I think your technical skill doesn't translate to the way I read it - there are strange moments where things click and line up, then it's gone again. Favourite lines "This little tumbleweed says ya'll don't have shit on me" I think this was the most on-topic line of the entire verse and could have unfolded to something great - the idea of her being hardly noticed, as mundane as a tumble weed, and using that to her advantage... ah well. --- Diablo Thanks for posting. Not your usual heavy hitter, but I recognize (1) the topic and (2) the fact that it's just an impromptu lil' writing sesh affects that. Although there was perhaps some more potential depth to the picture of the topic if you had continued writing, I suspect you would have landed within it - I think you wrote more towards the quote than the picture. Adherence: 8/10 - strongly adhered, very on "daughter" topic, the picture just felt slightly unused and would have loved to seen it incorporated. Creativity: 5/10 - not gonna call this creative when it's a common story, no matter how personal. I was born with that shit around my neck too, and I'M FINE I GUESS. Emotional: 8/10 - I think this is a topic of emotion for both of us for different reasons, but I think someone outside of that context may not get the feels as much. obviously could have cranked it up, but for what it was, it hit - perhaps utilizing the style of the painting to influence the amount of emotion... Technical: 7/10 - in general, this was a very different feel for you, but I'm also used to seeing your finals pieces. still mostly technically on point, just a few weird choices that threw me off a little. Favourite lines zero shade but the lines just aren't doing it for me. lame to pick the last lines but honestly these are the ones: "I remember standing beside you gazing happily I hadn’t just became a dad, you went and made a man of me." again, not a dig, it just felt like a fluidly told story more than what my brain expects "poetry" to feel like so it never really felt like "oh this specific part stands out", rather the entire piece was cohesive and mellow. mvgt/votw - Diablo