Netcees - View Single Post - Senny vs. Ryan 12

King Ra. · 11-25-2013, 10:09 AM

@Senny, opener was solid. I liked the punch though, it's one of those lines directed at your opponent but could be directed at any opponent. But for an opener, it's a good start. Second bar is a nice nameplay shot and personal. The repeat of Billy twice in that punch line though makes it come off weird though. Had to re-read to catch that transition but it works well enough. Third bar was another cool nameplay. Punch was okay, could've hit harder. Fourth bar, I see what you did here. The Torticollis/wry neck concept was fresh, I give you kudos on that, but the wording of this bar from the set up to the punch takes from it's effectiveness. Didn't too much like how the set up was worded, actually. So this bar, I'd say is your best thus far on the premise that the punch line with the word-nameplay connection was nice. Fifth bar, was okay. That's all really. The punch didn't really hit for me. Your closer, also missed, imo. Not only that, you used the "Resin" thing in back-to-back bars, so that takes from it, but either way, the closer doesn't connect punch wise because of the wording.

@Ryan12, your opener is damn. I like it a lot. Simple set up, but very effective punch and I like the way you managed to word it & I had to re-read to really grasp the transition of the wordplay to the punch, but that was a heavy hit right. Second bar, I'm feeling the punch again, not as strong as your opener though. The set up here was weird, but the punch makes up for it. Third bar, nice nameplay connection here. And here the set up led into that punch, so I'd have to say this is your most complete bar thus far. Fourth bar reads like your second bar bar somewhat. Weird set up but the punch here is, once again, very solid. I'm feeling your punches so far. Fifth bar, you missed here. This could have worked but that "a-sen-dead" play didn't work well here. The wording on your punch line is messy so you missed out on a good connection here. I've read it a couple times, just needs to be worded better. Closer is also a miss. Mainly because the "Sixth Sen's/Sense" does not work nor makes sense. Probably needed to re-word that differently.

While Senny had more wording than Ryan here, I feel Ryan packed some serious punches in his first four bars that really separated him from his opponent. Senny didn't have enough hits here as I feel he missed out on some chances to deliver. Despie Ryan's weird set ups (had only like two of those) and less words, they counted most in his punch lines and connected despte falling out in his last two bars. So for me, the winner is clear.

MVGT: Ryan12. Good job by both competitors.

11-25-2013, 10:09 AM	#15
King Ra. The Throne, The Crown Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 2,667 Battle Record: 21-35 Rep Power: 1932960	@Senny, opener was solid. I liked the punch though, it's one of those lines directed at your opponent but could be directed at any opponent. But for an opener, it's a good start. Second bar is a nice nameplay shot and personal. The repeat of Billy twice in that punch line though makes it come off weird though. Had to re-read to catch that transition but it works well enough. Third bar was another cool nameplay. Punch was okay, could've hit harder. Fourth bar, I see what you did here. The Torticollis/wry neck concept was fresh, I give you kudos on that, but the wording of this bar from the set up to the punch takes from it's effectiveness. Didn't too much like how the set up was worded, actually. So this bar, I'd say is your best thus far on the premise that the punch line with the word-nameplay connection was nice. Fifth bar, was okay. That's all really. The punch didn't really hit for me. Your closer, also missed, imo. Not only that, you used the "Resin" thing in back-to-back bars, so that takes from it, but either way, the closer doesn't connect punch wise because of the wording. @Ryan12, your opener is damn. I like it a lot. Simple set up, but very effective punch and I like the way you managed to word it & I had to re-read to really grasp the transition of the wordplay to the punch, but that was a heavy hit right. Second bar, I'm feeling the punch again, not as strong as your opener though. The set up here was weird, but the punch makes up for it. Third bar, nice nameplay connection here. And here the set up led into that punch, so I'd have to say this is your most complete bar thus far. Fourth bar reads like your second bar bar somewhat. Weird set up but the punch here is, once again, very solid. I'm feeling your punches so far. Fifth bar, you missed here. This could have worked but that "a-sen-dead" play didn't work well here. The wording on your punch line is messy so you missed out on a good connection here. I've read it a couple times, just needs to be worded better. Closer is also a miss. Mainly because the "Sixth Sen's/Sense" does not work nor makes sense. Probably needed to re-word that differently. While Senny had more wording than Ryan here, I feel Ryan packed some serious punches in his first four bars that really separated him from his opponent. Senny didn't have enough hits here as I feel he missed out on some chances to deliver. Despie Ryan's weird set ups (had only like two of those) and less words, they counted most in his punch lines and connected despte falling out in his last two bars. So for me, the winner is clear. MVGT: Ryan12. Good job by both competitors.