MMLP - I love the vocabulary and tone of this piece, solid multies and a solid voice here, one thing that is probably going to be overlooked as well even though it's kind of ridiculous that it will be, I love that there was a consistent pattern to the rhymes here, multis alternating aabbaabb etc, really cool, at first I was like "oh he's changing every 2 bars a little disappointing..." and then I realized you actually weren't haha, really nice. Definitely a strong showing here and really impressive in terms of the style, I think there were sections and really some little phrases that could have been cleaned up a bit though on the constructive criticism side - my MO is basically ruthless efficiency in a verse, I don't really like extra words, if there is a more efficient way to say a given thing I will probably end up using that instead, that means removing words that are "normal" in sentences but here in what it is effectively a super-hybridization of poetry/verse/lyrics it really allows some freedom in that regard because you can just fuck with phrasing and twist meaning just by simplifying it, you end up using less words to say the same thing differently and thus can use more to establish even more, you had some really dope lines here and I definitely enjoyed the piece.
Now, onto your opponent - onward!!
The first thing I notice is that you are going for half line multies here and that I enjoy, the clear efforts put forth to really intensify the rhyme scheme - if you know me you know I'm a nerd for this shit so I definitely appreciate the heavier syllable counts. However, that said it doesn't always feel totally natural, the beauty of a really well done half/full bar multi is that it still winds up feeling natural without feeling contrived or unnecesasry, the first line was just a little awkward for example,
he walked down streets straight. blocks from the scene and his feets grey.
just not totally natural by my guise, it seems like with some little tweaks/edits this could have been smoothed easily and really made very dope, I applaud the efforts here but I would take a little more time in the future just to make sure everything reads nicely and more importantly in this case feels like it's the most natural way of saying something, so it feels like the "only" way of saying it, instead of here just leaving me questioning slightly if you could have found something else.
However, that aside I must say that I really love that you are constantly milling through elements of your scheme, reintroducing pieces rolling lines like abab aabb* ccb really interesting in that respect, I just really love that effort in the schemes because just a little bit of tightening/tinkering and you'd be unstoppable with a verse like this, just some cosmetics content is fine really just smoothing her out and getting her dolled up for a night out on the town, feel me? Really dope
Alright - in conclusion
both writers were impressive and did well without a doubt, MMLP was clean and consistent and provided good content and solid schemes, Sym tried for a hell of a lot here and really surprised me with just how much he was reaching for and trying to make his verse super rhyme dense with multies, just a really good attempt here. That said, both were matched in content, but I think the key factor for me that led to my voting decision was really the polish and completeness of one piece versus the other. It feels wrong/disgusting to give an L to either verse because they're both really well written but it must be done. I think Sym, if you just take more time and work your verses with a fine toothed comb really being vicious with your fixes you will be a serious threat to literally anyone out there, really dope stuff and looking forward to what you both produce in the future!
Rock on!
Anyway,
MVGT - MMLP
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