Okay mistake NUMBER ONE is telling Universe he can use “however many lines he needs” that’s not okay because he literally will use however many lines he needs. You see what I’m getting at? Lol well what can be done?
Universe - Starting out with a Bryan O’Malley quote had me like “YES SCOTT PILGRIM” but I being the uncultured swine that I am neglected to think that this quote actually came another work of his “Seconds” which I assume you used as the jumping off point for this? I mean the synopsis of that book sounded a lot different than what I read from you but I’m sure it was at least an inspiration conceptually. Kind of liked this different blend of genres you used this was like true crime/sci-fi/horror it was truly something. Kind of reminiscent of the continuous story you were telling in the GWL, especially with some of the shock imagery, being sodomized/raped, murdered. The gory details is kind of your niche. Story wise there were a lot of twists and turns and I mean honestly I started to see the puzzle pieces fitting together before you finished putting them in place with the whole resurrection, and then finding the bar and the man responsible his name coincidentally being the same as the underground clown. I mean it all started falling together. It was a fun ride and I mean of course it was solid technically, the rhymes were there and the storytelling was top notch. You’ve kind of hit your stride again and honestly you just take whatever picture you’re given for the week and just kind of twist until you’ve got what you want. That’s dope man nice work
Mr. J - I think your verse got dwarfed here (literally and metaphorically) I liked the story you were telling and everything coming full circle at the end, your verse was solid and your progression was good. I liked your metaphors and stuff but I mean it’s just hard to follow a verse with that much content and visuals. I liked this bit though and the verses were overall really solid
“ Beyond the hilltop and at the highest peak
Stood the wisest who had tried to see.
What drives us and how we find our feet.
As it was colder, one only had time to think
To ponder society and what it would like to be
From the buildings, to the flights and seas.”
But honestly when all was said and done Universe took this topic and completely made it his own, wrote a novel out of it and everything, I just don’t think this was a fair comparison for Mr J’s verse as it just wasn’t nearly as stacked with content. It was a good attempt but in the face of a 400 line topical it was dwarfed for sure.
V/Universe
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