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Old 08-11-2019, 12:56 PM   #4
NYCSPITZ
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,033
Battle Record: 31-37


Champed
- Write Night II
- Alias Topical Tournament

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This was the most enjoyable battle of the tournament for me so far. I read both verses twice which I’m usually way too lazy to do, and rarely does one verse in a battle capture my full attention; this time both verses did.

Blue’s verse had a sick rhythm to it, almost on a swag and flow type of vibration the way his bars seem to attack and penetrate the topic. Lots of great visuals, thought the ending bar of the first stanza “throat slashed with pins” was very creative and slick. Here’s an author who is skilled with the word and can wield them in attack mode, love seeing that...beyond that there was tons of meat to the stanza the rhymes sometimes two Multics to a bar, the imagery and a sort of dystopian plot evolution that I fuck with and believe is integral to the current state of humanity so it’s cool to see a parallel in rhyme form. The wording was very well used and precise. The second stanza was like a eyegasm of creativity with various religious and moral, mass psychological nods deftly woven into the fabric of the verse. In the end good wins and I thought the wording of how you left it was dope, usually I feel the need to personally end things on a savage death or something to have impact but this achieved the same thing with more positive vibes. The only thing I’ll say is that you went 30 lines, 30 very dope lines and I know you were rushed but it’s a little disappointing that you’re a busy man because doubling the length would have really held scope for more plots development, maybe a little dialogue, some writing devices I don’t know but you could have added some bombs and fleshed out an epic story. Not hating just saying. Very impressed with this but sad it wasn’t longer.

Witty’s verse was mad dope...very delicate, precise wording...the pace of his piece was a bit more measured than Blue’s, which I would say is a nuance developed by writing many topicals over the years. The first two lines set an ethereal scene, provide three multi couplets and the impact of the delivery is a suspense filled one, which is very germane to the picture provided imho. Voice singing in dulcet tones but mind is withdrawn was pure fire...really one that hooked my attention and had me wondering more about the character. I really enjoy this type of mystic narration in the first person. Really did not see the slave angle coming but you packed a nice wallop to that small second stanza my friend...deftly crafted laconic verbiage. I’d can maybe quote the whole thing, but the latter half of the second stanza especially hit me. Character development and storyline, giving the personality traits of courage humility even kindness which stood through the suffering and was able to escape...without actually stating directly that he had any of those traits. Nice. You can tell he’s a prodigal musician by the way he reveres music. The this way and that a way was a nice colloquial term to slaves although I don’t think they’d have been speaking that way in the 1600s but that’s a minor detail. So He’s lost and God helps him the raven is almost like a dues ex machina that leads him to glory. Didn’t see the twist coming that it was somewhat of a blessing and a curse...I viewed it more as it was a blessing and a burden because god knows the former slave is strong enough to lift other’s spirits and impact them in a way that only somebody who has felt true suffering knows about. The last verse adds a sort of baroque, emphatic ending to the mystical angle where he’s had his fill of the good life, but the raven won’t leave him. Is it a curse? I’m choosing to view it as the omniscient powers that be need him just a little bit longer before they let him see the pearly gates...anyways very dope story bud...

I am torn because both verses were so good but if I’m being real with myself Witty’s was twice the length, and that storytelling was so clean and precise that I’m gonna have to vote for him on this one. It’s sad to me because Blue had maybe a top 3 verse of the whole tournament, could’ve vied for best verse if he went all out...but he didn’t have time to double the goods...I’m not sure what would have happened if he matched witty’s length and kept up his writing pace, didn’t happen though...shit happens...

MVGT: Witty
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Last edited by NYCSPITZ; 08-11-2019 at 03:07 PM.
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