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Old 06-22-2015, 11:43 AM   #11
Vulgar
Razor-thin derision
 
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,422
Battle Record: 40-25

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Ullr - Fuck, I really liked what you did here. You captured the image to a tee, enhancing its energy and message by centralizing the storyline around the light projected by the mask. The rhyme schemes were very good, picking up steam in places where I thought you might lose a bit of momentum. There were strong points and other points where the content wasn't as reinforced by concrete strands of relativity - like the Tartarus bar where I felt the rhythm showed its weaker aspects. The ending was cinematic and closed the show well.

Clutterbuck - Fucking hell, as they say in England. Pretty fantastic execution of a spidery battle on bathtub Bunker Hill. I read this about three times and it got smoother each time. The twist ending was done well. I think back in the day as Baron Mynd, your wording was more flashy but now it has taken on a more purposeful, concise edge to it, powered by a predictable yet unpredictable rhyme sequence. The use of language was effective, and nice touches surrounding the subtle insertions of arachnid clues and hints. Very nice job.

Dope battle. Probably the Battle of the Tournament, IMO.

My vote goes to Clutterbuck for a tighter, more successful take. Not taking anything away from Ullr's slobberknocker.
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