[PancakeBrah]

I'm sober so my vote won't be quite as long as Split v. Cormier but I'll try my best bros.

Oats:

"earth began as flat and central, man's signature flawed prediction:
Go too far and you'll fall off - into the middle of all existence
Stuck in traditional knowledge, smitten by all our typical botched admissions
Our physical laws are trivial novels - written as cosmic fiction "

Strong opening. Your first two lines were pitch perfect. 'The middle of all existence' really highlights the ignorance of that old idea succinctly. signature flawed prediction/middle of all existence is an excellent rhyme, difficult to pull off and you did so without sacrificing wording or content. The next two lines were a step down from the first two, if only because I think 'typical botched admissions' is a forced rhyme. If you hadn't constrained yourself to keep the rhyme up for four lines you would have worded that more smoothly. You made up for that small dip in quality with the last line here. 'Written as cosmic fiction' was back to the level of your first two rhymes and the 'physical laws are trivial novels' idea nicely wrapped up the idea of these first four lines. Overall a good start to your piece.

"First there was only one Sun, the pinnacle of majesty!
...except for all the other solar systems riddled through the galaxy
Surely the Milky Way's unique - the epicentral pulse at work!
Just ignore the rest of them (and for god's sake don't dare say there's a multiverse...)"

Do you believe in the multi-verse? I'm dubious. I think I prefer progressing schemes as opposed to Frank-style continuous schemes when it comes to rhyme. I did the continuous thing like last round and I don't know, it seems a bit hamstringing. So I liked that you didn't force the scheme of your first four lines through to here. All four rhymes here were top quality and, like your first line two lines, didn't sacrifice wording or content. So that's a strength of this section. I think I could have done without the second exclamation mark. I've done this type of writing (a sort of condescending tone) and enjoy it but I think one exclamation is enough. With just one it accentuates the fallacy you're pointing out, with two it starts to become a little preachy. Maybe that's not the right word but I'm sure you get my point. Not a big deal, just a personal preference. I liked the parenthetical phrase. It hinted at the sheer complexity and vastness of science and the amount that what we DON'T know, punctuating the hilarity of us thinking we can confidently say anything at all, at any time. Good line.

"We always think there's only one: you're a snowflake, the clover's 4th petal
But given all of nature's parity - what makes you think you're special?"

Good ending. I've written ending bars like this, a lot. The rhyme not as strong, and trying to encapsulate the whole spectrum of your thesis with a finer, more readily visible point can lead to a sort of rushed quality. Happens to me a lot. But you stated your point plainly here, which I always appreciate. I think that works well as ending, and you did well to use that tactic here.

Overall this was good. The rhymes, especially the opening lines and the middle of the verse, were top notch. The commentary was strong, touching on subjects ranging from thinking the earth is flat to the multiverse, all the while connecting it to man's central tendency to think they're important. Nice context to your point. I liked that you didn't out and out say the topic in your verse, but knew that your reader knew what it was and simply gave it nuance. Thanks for the read.

Diode:

"stirrups strapped tight, sight blurred up
skin stretched, demerol taking effect
contraction pain pulsing, reaction? delayed convulsion
exertion reaching critical but the end result is worth it"

Also a good opening. My only problem with this section was the 'up' after 'blurred'. The rest of your verse had this nice flow of wording, a freedom to not force anything because of your de-emphasis on rhyme. It was a strength. 'Up' was the only hitch you had, it just came at the start of the verse. I could see someone saying their vision's blurred up but it's a definite stretch. I think you would have been better served dropping the up, putting a comma after 'blurred', and adding another description that rhymes more smoothly with stirrups. My 2 cents. Other than that I liked this opening. You took the 10 line format and structured your verse for a maximum amount of different rhymes by mostly rhyming within line, at least for the first half of your verse. I liked that idea and you pulled it off. The actual descriptions here painted a picture for us. You didn't hold any punches in terms of the reality of birth (more on that in a second) and the fact you didn't romanticize the act led perfectly to your conclusion. Gritty truth. Nice start.

"vagina tears, crowns, delivery head down
placenta surfs a wave of crimson through the birth canal
symbiotic symbol of their affection, hopes, and dreams
comes into being breathing, bleating - turns to gasp, and screams"

Here's the 'more on that in a second'. Vagina tears, placenta surfs a wave a crimson. There's no softening up the act here. I actually think the use of crimson may have been a bit out of place. Trying a touch too hard to be unique; just say blood and be done with it. But I didn't really mind crimson, really. It was fine. The first two lines represent the end of your hard description and the next line transitions your piece into a more metaphorical tense, eventually leading to your end point. Nicely constructed. The lines that were descriptive did well in cementing the scene for the reader. Placenta surfs will get some snarky comments (Split Eight) but I didn't mind it. The last two lines here were fine. Symbiotic symbol was cool, the thought of the line a bit on the nose but needed to be said. The last line was our last dash of description, which was also fine. You like the word gasp.

"another face is born to live out another hundred years
and with a sudden swiftness, into the crowd, it disappears"

I really liked the last line in relation to your verse. You spent 9 lines describing the actual act of the birth and it's import to the parents and just one relating to the topic. And you did it without feeling like it was shoehorned in. It actually accented your wording; "sudden swiftness". Kind of 4th wall. Verse as a symbol for the content of the verse. You're so meta, Diode.

This was a lot better than your first round submission, in my opinion. You carried over the descriptive prowess but gave it a point. A good verse, thanks for the read.

--

This was damn near a toss up. Diode wrote one of his best/better verses. Oats came with his usual strong writing. In the end, I think Diode beat oats on a conceptual level (maybe not in terms of concept vs. concept but that he was a bit more laser-focused on his) but oats outwrote him by a non-ignorable margin. The best battle I've read so far (out of two!). Shame someone has to lose this one.

v/oats