[Chill Phil]

Hi, my name is Phil. And I'm an Amazonoholic.


Didn't actually find out about doing Amazon until I met some basic bitch named Megan at a house party. Figured I couldn't develop a problem if I didn't have my own account, right? So, I watched her browse. Shit was intense the first time...watching her go from best friend puzzle piece necklaces, to shawls and cook books. She'd been a long time Amazon user...she had discount codes.

Anyway, I started losing control when I created my own account. Found myself doing Amazon at home by myself. Started abusing it...saying merchandise came in broken, when it was actually me that broke it. Replaced it for free. No repercussions. Then Christmas rolled around...fucking Christmas. I'm not trying to make this an excuse or to justify why I use but...

Christmas is a tough time for me... with secret Santa going on at work, and the fact that I needed to get some snow boots, bomber hats, and new winter gear. I find myself nestled in the arms of the Amazon. Got to the point where it didn't even feel good anymore. Like you know when they say "it's nothing personal, it's just business." Thinking I finally got everything I needed is what sent me right back to doing Amazon. To get the shit I WANTED.

Waking up at 1 am, sneaking down to the basement to buy my girl a legit electronic foot massager. Literally salivating on pay days, because I can finally get some goggles and water wings for the kiddo! Yo...YOU EVER SUCK DICK FOR OVERNIGHT SHIPPING?!