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Old 05-27-2018, 02:46 PM   #12
Jabari Black
Sun Tzu
 
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 550
Battle Record: 13-6


Champed
- Battle Arena League
- 1-2 Punch League
- Netcees Battle League
- Netcees SOL

Rep Power: 12764495
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You a sailboat in a bathtub. 10 year mid tier, but I'M official
Titanic mass = no progress/only speaks to ur Capsized potential

(This is good. Slightly hard to follow because of he wording but pretty good line)

Toss fat chicks around? I'm a lover so I'll slide w/ the steel, cousin
For matters of the Hart: roll on JB Smooooove like a Real Husband

(Out of me and Joel, there’s been a LOT of JB Smoove punchlines. This woulda been cool imo but I heard a lot of versions of essentially the same punch and I haven’t even been here long)

1 for the money. 2 get tossed out if 3 g's want boss clout.
KILL u 4 respect only. They'll hit u w/ that 5... 5-6 like I lost count.

(Good line. I liked the concept. Parts of the 1-4 set up seemed forced/just put together for the punch but I liked the line. This is also the first 5.56 punchline I’ve ever heard so props for that lmao)

I'm from the boon, where dad jeans still get u merk'd
If u hit streets like a 40 something fgt w/ the Dad gene since birth.

(I didn’t really like the angle you took - shooting someone for wearing dad jeans ain’t really a thing so the angle came off kinda weird. Then the punch was light too.)

I'ma bomb you for past sins. That vid was the wrong route
Ironic ur 'known from RapBattles' when clearly it's not ur strong suit.

(This is okay. The punch was really basic. But this is a solid angle)

Ur NC/RB Pastime. butttt not Great just a clueless hoe.
my Chi goons'll stomp u til White Sox r Black... they Shoeless, Joe!

(Dang this was a dope concept but the execution was off. The NC/RB Pastime was a nice subtle tie in. Its hard for me to fully explain but the punch just had a lot of wording issues. Both meanings of the ‘White Sox are black’ are kind of a stretch. Hard for me to explain but you prob get what’s wrong with the wording. If that didn’t make sense...my bad lol)



I'll smash ur fucking face in put an end to ur future endeavor
Once the blood Spilsbury it In the concrete,ur gonna be needing him to jigsaw it back together

(The wp here was nice. The punch kinda missed imo. Unless he’s referring to a specific scene that I’m missing, the ‘jigsaw it back together’ doesn’t really work. The wording also felt a bit scattered)

ur a light feather compared to my weight comparison so if we fight it'll be embarrassing
If you decided on a gunwar, then ummmm? k come out you'll turn fag quicker than Mr Garrison

(I didn’t care for this. The punchline was light imo. Also wordiness hurt, and the mmmkay/ummm k flip was trying to do too much imo)

I'll go to wherever ur traveling rocketlaunch ur flight mid air
Soon as u Dinosaurs left as evidence, always carry tools in the box like Earl Sinclair

(I read this line A LOT and I don’t get the dinosaurs wp. ‘Tools in the box...’ part was simple but cool. Also this seemed a bit scattered. The lines seemed made up on 3 unrelated phrases)

Better be aware of his surroundings my dawgs outside they blood hounding
I'll be somewhere equipped with two sharp blades,i move around better then Kurt Browning

(Simple but in a battle where wording issues hindered you both a bit, this line came off crisp.)

Shook of the Glock sounding when I blast of in ur direction
My Aim Topps whatever shots u miss,ill just go inside the closet like its my baseball collection

(Pause lol. This was ok. The concept was there, but the the wording was off and then you had typos. The setup was very hard to read. The punch was decent. )

You'll never in your life make a good impression, that's y ur bitch is fucking me and said deuces
During Orgasm she had a Big Burst u watched us both while drinking 50 cent juices

(I didn’t catch the the punch here. I think you was going for humor hear but it missed imo)

Lot of good concepts here but I think wording hurt both guys. I do think it hurt Joe a bit more and that was the difference maker imo. Bleak also was able to set up hid punches better than Joe. Also, Joe I felt like your references were a little too obscure - had to use google a bit. Overall I think Bleak took this one.

Mvgt Bleak
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