Netcees - View Single Post - Round 2: 1. oats vs. 9. Certain \\ Certain wins 4-3

Pinot Grij · 07-11-2014, 10:05 PM

Ohhhh jesus, what a match-up. Both verses very sharp.

Certain, I like the format mix up... with these paragraph-style verses, you're always waiting for the rhyme to hit you instead of getting the visual cue that it's coming. Here, it feels like you skipped the rhyme at times - sometimes successfully (ie. the sophomore year line) and others it just felt a little run-on. That's just a minor criticism, in all I really liked how you gave every character a unique persona - the piece had life and it was engaging. I liked it.

Oats, I was a little skeptical at the title. I didn't think that there was a way you could write an engaging verse about MMA without seeming forced or hokey. I was wrong. The opener with him walking towards the ring was not perfect for me, but as soon as you began to describe his career, it was awesome. Rhymes connected well, storytelling was fluid for the most part. I was really into it. The final fight scene was great and your kicker (or moral) at the end was delivered well due to all the build up. The one thing I think I could critique is that you glazed over all the lowlights of Penn's career - the GSP/greasing controversy, the 1st two losses to Frankie, etc. but in fairness this was an ode so you don't really concentrate on that shit.

In the end, this was tightly contested and probably comes down to personal preference.. I loved what both of you did here but my vote lies with Oats for taking on a very non-traditional topic and pulling it off well. I think it resonated with me because I was so surprised that he was able to pull it off while still sounding natural.

07-11-2014, 10:05 PM	#4
Pinot Grij Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 863 Battle Record: 23-19 Accomplishments - OM HOF Champed - Fight Night 2 - Write Week V - Netcees Battle League (2x) - Winter Topical II - 1-2 Punch league Rep Power: 29195060	Ohhhh jesus, what a match-up. Both verses very sharp. Certain, I like the format mix up... with these paragraph-style verses, you're always waiting for the rhyme to hit you instead of getting the visual cue that it's coming. Here, it feels like you skipped the rhyme at times - sometimes successfully (ie. the sophomore year line) and others it just felt a little run-on. That's just a minor criticism, in all I really liked how you gave every character a unique persona - the piece had life and it was engaging. I liked it. Oats, I was a little skeptical at the title. I didn't think that there was a way you could write an engaging verse about MMA without seeming forced or hokey. I was wrong. The opener with him walking towards the ring was not perfect for me, but as soon as you began to describe his career, it was awesome. Rhymes connected well, storytelling was fluid for the most part. I was really into it. The final fight scene was great and your kicker (or moral) at the end was delivered well due to all the build up. The one thing I think I could critique is that you glazed over all the lowlights of Penn's career - the GSP/greasing controversy, the 1st two losses to Frankie, etc. but in fairness this was an ode so you don't really concentrate on that shit. In the end, this was tightly contested and probably comes down to personal preference.. I loved what both of you did here but my vote lies with Oats for taking on a very non-traditional topic and pulling it off well. I think it resonated with me because I was so surprised that he was able to pull it off while still sounding natural. __________________ Topical C.R.E.A.M.