Quote:
Originally Posted by Pharaohs Army
Interesting.
This has a good cadence to it, for the most part.
The 'murdered wife and teen' seemed to come out of nowhere.
But then the whole point of this is to wipe that memory away?
she was basically a "dime"
that fit the rhyme but this slang seemed to deviate from the rest of the piece. maybe you could do without that phrasing.
"Hi, I'm Beth."
"Nice to meet you. My name's Jeff."
"I'll escort you, mind your step"
These are nice little rhymes. I like it.
just a a couple minor typos I saw 'advice' should be 'advise', and 'sleep' should be 'asleep'.
"I'm resigning in a week.Then I'm flying right to Greece
to live my life on a beach, that resides in between
From a technical standpoint, do you really need the word 'right'?
I think it works better if you just say 'I'm resigning in a week. Then I'm flying to Greece.'
Anyway man, cool story.
I've read it a few times but I'm not sure I totally get it. Thinking of a perfect memory does that make Bryan and Denice come back to life? Or is the memory just erased?
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Thanks for the read/feed, PA. And for catching those typos as well. In any case, in reference to your question. In order for the procedure to work the patient must first think of who/what needs to be erased so that the machine/doctor can locate and target the memory within the mind/brain. Thus, the stronger the memory is, the better it serves as a central starting point for the doctor to access and do his thing.