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Old 05-10-2020, 07:22 PM   #9
Artifice
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Clutbuck

Really appreciated the angle you took with this, and the execution was spot-on. The gaming references (8-4, peach of a pension plan, etc.) sprinkled throughout tied into the story really well without sacrificing any of the narrative you developed, which isn't always easy to do. I also appreciate your use of alliteration, it's something that often gets overlooked by writers but can easily make a piece a more smooth read.

Universe

Doing disses in a topical setting is hard to pull off, but I thought you did a fine job tying your verse into the picture while still sticking to your subject matter. From a technical standpoint this was well executed and read easily. I'm not including the OM piece in my decision but I'll definitely give it a read and drop feedback there. I'm not overly familiar with the history between you too (i've read a bit about what happened last week but that's about it) but it's obvious there's unsettled business here.

Two solid efforts, but the Mario angle tips it in Clutbuck's favour for me, though a definite shout to Universe for the diss approach in topical, he pulled it off better than I've seen most times. Still,

v/ Clutbuck
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