[Split]

OATS

earth began as flat and central, man's signature flawed prediction:
Go too far and you'll fall off - into the middle of all existence

Cool opener. One thing about all your verses is every single one seems to be saying that THIS is the crux of human existence. Always speaking in hyperbole.

Stuck in traditional knowledge, smitten by all our typical botched admissions
Our physical laws are trivial novels - written as cosmic fiction

Great flow through here. "typical botched admissions" was unnecessarily lofty and also like, completely opposite of "signature flawed prediction" like either it's a tried and true fault of ours, or it's the tragic flaw that we never realized was there all along. Can't be both.


First there was only one Sun, the pinnacle of majesty!
...except for all the other solar systems riddled through the galaxy
Surely the Milky Way's unique - the epicentral pulse at work!

Dope imagery. Epicentral pulse was fantastic.

Just ignore the rest of them (and for god's sake don't dare say there's a multiverse...)
We always think there's only one: you're a snowflake, the clover's 4th petal
But given all of nature's parity - what makes you think you're special?

Lol cool. I do like the duality of the verse and it kinda explains away my criticism of the two conflicting descriptions I meant earlier. It's always nice to realize that the writer is a step or two ahead of the voter, it makes the verse that much more endearing... Not necessarily a "twist" but in a similar vein, like you had full control of your writing the whole time.



DIODE



stirrups strapped tight, sight blurred up
skin stretched, demerol taking effect
contraction pain pulsing, reaction? delayed convulsion

Didn't like the flow through this but good, detailer imagery. The third line was awkward.

exertion reaching critical but the end result is worth it
vagina tears, crowns, delivery head down
placenta surfs a wave of crimson through the birth canal

Didn't like the rhyming here or the imagery. I think this is personal preference, just a lot of discord between the description of a "placenta surfing" and the serious nature of your verse. Every time I read this, Misirlou plays in my head.


symbiotic symbol of their affection, hopes, and dreams
comes into being breathing, bleating - turns to gasp, and screams
another face is born to live out another hundred years
and with a sudden swiftness, into the crowd, it disappears

The feeling of disappointment when things do not fall beautifully in place. Would've been nice if you added a touch of happiness to an otherwise bleak verse, I feel like there was a lot of untapped potential that could've brought this piece around had the limit been more than 10 lines.

Still, props for attacking a complex emotion.



Good battle, I think that a couple of minor flaws in Diode's verse were simply blown out of proportion by Oats' verse. Oats had one of the best verses of the tourney so far,


V/ Oats