Netcees - View Single Post - 1 Frank vs. 4 Nigma [Requires More Voters and Semi-Finals Can Ensue]

Coup · 06-23-2013, 02:25 PM

nigma- lmao dude...your opening two lines where twisted man,...you trying to tongue twist man ? I think I counted 35-36 syllables. not a bad thing but you sure jumped into the verse wasting no time. Sally sells sea shells by the sea shore.

Did it really take that many stilted words to say this kid is fearless and has freckles ? C'mon man. Philosophical Phantasm indeed.

DOPE LINE:
Pavement hit by leather, pitter padder, brain worked quick, precision pattern

All in all, I am both liking the flow of this with the over the top skill set of the structure, and sorta feeling this was a bit contrived.

I love the opening and the explanation with an exclamation the status this kids was facing with as a free mason (derp)...creative ways to illustrate the phantasm of the character...he was put through a lot of different concepts and situations.

felt you could have narrowed down the onslaught of activities in this to hammer home a more rooted and direct philosophical concept that would have been easier to identify...to each their own...not a bad piece, good drop.

Biggest complaint is the stilted speech....not necessary. Such as imo:
Cadence persuaded myriads of peasants to observe my adventures
and
As I walked it seemed my wisdom expanded to persistent advancement

(you spelled persistent wrong)

But I do understand the nature of the topic so I'm not even trippin.

felt like you wanted to floss the flow structure but it felt a tad forced in some areas...in others you had great lines...such as:
Yet the roots of wisdom stem from french kissing Medusas serpents

also enjoyed the more quieter, reflective closing...bringing it to a head of sorts. This written in one word: Hyper.

Frank-

WOW dude...good drop too. So smooth, very concise, easy to follow and very engaging. Nice set up opener, laying a hook, nice structure developing and laying out the dooms day clock. Nice situational play and a tone of neutrality without political influence.

I don't have much to say man, good rhymes, great pacing, intelligent structure.

I rarely give only positive reviews, but this was a cool read for readers. A good balance of showcasing what you got and writing for an audience.

I don't even know you dude, but good job.

I'll be watching you cat.

1+Frank

06-23-2013, 02:25 PM	#12
Coup Don't believe the hype Join Date: Feb 2013 Posts: 572 Battle Record: 4-5 Rep Power: 0	nigma- lmao dude...your opening two lines where twisted man,...you trying to tongue twist man ? I think I counted 35-36 syllables. not a bad thing but you sure jumped into the verse wasting no time. Sally sells sea shells by the sea shore. Did it really take that many stilted words to say this kid is fearless and has freckles ? C'mon man. Philosophical Phantasm indeed. DOPE LINE: Pavement hit by leather, pitter padder, brain worked quick, precision pattern All in all, I am both liking the flow of this with the over the top skill set of the structure, and sorta feeling this was a bit contrived. I love the opening and the explanation with an exclamation the status this kids was facing with as a free mason (derp)...creative ways to illustrate the phantasm of the character...he was put through a lot of different concepts and situations. felt you could have narrowed down the onslaught of activities in this to hammer home a more rooted and direct philosophical concept that would have been easier to identify...to each their own...not a bad piece, good drop. Biggest complaint is the stilted speech....not necessary. Such as imo: Cadence persuaded myriads of peasants to observe my adventures and As I walked it seemed my wisdom expanded to persistent advancement (you spelled persistent wrong) But I do understand the nature of the topic so I'm not even trippin. felt like you wanted to floss the flow structure but it felt a tad forced in some areas...in others you had great lines...such as: Yet the roots of wisdom stem from french kissing Medusas serpents also enjoyed the more quieter, reflective closing...bringing it to a head of sorts. This written in one word: Hyper. Frank- WOW dude...good drop too. So smooth, very concise, easy to follow and very engaging. Nice set up opener, laying a hook, nice structure developing and laying out the dooms day clock. Nice situational play and a tone of neutrality without political influence. I don't have much to say man, good rhymes, great pacing, intelligent structure. I rarely give only positive reviews, but this was a cool read for readers. A good balance of showcasing what you got and writing for an audience. I don't even know you dude, but good job. I'll be watching you cat. 1+Frank __________________ What is public must be legit, fit for average consumption, don't forget. What is private is handled by pirates, prying loose profits from prosthetics. To tell the difference between: first remain unseen with a steady breath and hope, then listen to the cracks in the wall with a stethoscope. Last edited by Coup; 06-23-2013 at 03:12 PM.