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Old 07-07-2020, 09:05 PM   #12
Master Rock
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This was an interesting take on the subject matter from both. Artifice your take was straight forward and an easy ride. The opener was a little too predictable, I saw that coming. Then you hit with the marriage part and I was left pondering, I didn't see that coming. It began to seem very personal as though it may be true, the flow was tight but not much stood out except, "you were my rock... ironic that now without you i'm crushed" dope line, that hit. I thought this was the nail in the coffin for sym.
But as for Sym's verse, I had to read it twice because it wasn't coming through. The rhyme scheme was staggered in a way I wasn't expecting and didn't catch it until the second read. The opener was not my taste and made me drag my feet to read. But the sudden unexpected twist with other characters involved in this third-person narrative drove this story and I began to catch the rhyme scheme along with it. The alien twist was different as well, the verse seemed a little unpolished at the end.
I feel that in Art would of spend a little more time on mind-state on the main character and the relationship he had with the decease, he could have easily got this one. But Sym's out of this world joy ride to the unknown takes it. Therefore I am giving it to Sym.
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