Netcees - View Single Post - ill nik-A [VS] Broke Lesnar [ill nik-A WINS]

Certain · 08-27-2014, 11:58 PM

ill nik-A: Those first six lines in which you flipped BROKE LESNAR's tactics on him were really strong. The opener was the line of the battle and one of the best of the tournament. Then you got a little generic for a bit, with the exception of a weak Brock Lesnar line. None of the generic lines were particularly hard, but I chuckled at the Jake from State Farm line. The personals about Spygate and the lack of creativity hit pretty well, but I thought the Meth line flopped. Then the closer was set up very well but didn't seem clever enough in connecting sign in two forms. Sometimes your wording let you down ("scrap and metal" and "bike you drove" were awkard). But more often in this case, you didn't go harsh enough. The best lines mostly were the personal ones. If you carved the 10-16 worst lines out of this verse to make it a more standard length, it'd have been fierce. That's understandable in a 30-line battle.

BROKE LESNAR: You opened up kind of awkwardly and seemed to be cyphering through a set of personals early in your verse rather than attacking aggressively. The first six lines felt like that, at least. The Beyond line was a clever use of seeding, but you didn't really impress me until the Somalian line. That's when you started hitting him with personals that were more than past message-board threads. I think because of the length of the battle you kept using multiple concepts on the same topic a bit too much, which made some things redundant. The best example was the consecutive nerd-rap lines. I thought the Twitter one was much better than the Living Legends one. With the two Bags punches, I liked the kungfugrip one. With the two fat punches, I liked the crunches one. In a way, the extra lines blunt the impact of the good ones, like you were hedging your bets on each one so you used two per personal. The ending didn't really feel like the last line of a verse, either, and I don't think you incorporated laudanum well enough into the structure of the line. Your best lines were the kungfugrip and Somalian ones, but there were quite a few that, while not negatives exactly, didn't land. I think ill nik-A wins this because of a creativity edge.

Vote: ill nik-A

08-27-2014, 11:58 PM	#7
Certain Mad fucking dangerous. Join Date: Jul 2013 Posts: 12,072 Battle Record: 40-19 Champed - AOWL Season 3 - Art of Writing League (2x) Rep Power: 85899402	ill nik-A: Those first six lines in which you flipped BROKE LESNAR's tactics on him were really strong. The opener was the line of the battle and one of the best of the tournament. Then you got a little generic for a bit, with the exception of a weak Brock Lesnar line. None of the generic lines were particularly hard, but I chuckled at the Jake from State Farm line. The personals about Spygate and the lack of creativity hit pretty well, but I thought the Meth line flopped. Then the closer was set up very well but didn't seem clever enough in connecting sign in two forms. Sometimes your wording let you down ("scrap and metal" and "bike you drove" were awkard). But more often in this case, you didn't go harsh enough. The best lines mostly were the personal ones. If you carved the 10-16 worst lines out of this verse to make it a more standard length, it'd have been fierce. That's understandable in a 30-line battle. BROKE LESNAR: You opened up kind of awkwardly and seemed to be cyphering through a set of personals early in your verse rather than attacking aggressively. The first six lines felt like that, at least. The Beyond line was a clever use of seeding, but you didn't really impress me until the Somalian line. That's when you started hitting him with personals that were more than past message-board threads. I think because of the length of the battle you kept using multiple concepts on the same topic a bit too much, which made some things redundant. The best example was the consecutive nerd-rap lines. I thought the Twitter one was much better than the Living Legends one. With the two Bags punches, I liked the kungfugrip one. With the two fat punches, I liked the crunches one. In a way, the extra lines blunt the impact of the good ones, like you were hedging your bets on each one so you used two per personal. The ending didn't really feel like the last line of a verse, either, and I don't think you incorporated laudanum well enough into the structure of the line. Your best lines were the kungfugrip and Somalian ones, but there were quite a few that, while not negatives exactly, didn't land. I think ill nik-A wins this because of a creativity edge. Vote: ill nik-A __________________ I'm just swinging swords strictly based on keyboards, unbalanced like elephants and ants on seesaws.